How do you cope with a dysfunctional family? ?

Question

Yesterday I brought my best friend over to my grandmother's house for my 21st birthday because we were going to have pizza and cake. Everything went okay until my grandfather and my mom's brother started fighting in front of everyone for no reason. It was humiliating and embarassing, and I am strongly ashamed of the people that's supposedly my "family".

I was brought up by my dysfunctional mother's side of the family and lived with them for thirteen years, its mainly my grandfather whose always picking fights, he's extremely racist, and very (verbally) abusive and always was to my mom, my aunts, her brother, and even my grandmother. My mom's brother is extremely overweight and has a disability and I just cannot stand him either because he's just annoying, and one of my aunt's who's just an extremely nasty person.

My mom insists I have to be around them "because their family", but I hate them (specifically my mom's brother & grandfather more so than anything) and am generally better off when I'm away from them. Thing is they have no problem berating my dad's side for not being there, but they don't look at themselves and how they view me and blame me for things my father's done.

How can you cope with a dysfunctional family when your over-domineering, childish mother INSISTS you have to make your presence around them?

Answer 1

I used to wonder why I couldn't have a normal family like everyone else.  Over the years I've learned that there are families out there way worse (scary) than mine and that NO family is perfect.  Even the families that seem perfect are not!  I've been dating my boyfriend for nine years and I'm still embarrased about my family.  His family is as bad if not worse, but we love each other and accept that's the way things are.  If your friend is really a friend, they will do the same and accept you.  If it bothers you to no end, then don't invite them next time or just worn them ahead of time like I did my boyfriend.  You don't always have to attend family get togethers if you don't live at home.  Tell them busy and give yourself a break from the craziness.  Good luck!

Answer 2

Since you are a 21 yr old adult you have no reason to have to be around them.  If your mother is insisting on it, then you need to insist more strongly than her.  It isn't like you are 10.  You have a right to have boundaries and standards, and to assert yourself.  They won't like it, but you have a right to preserve your sanity.  Stay away from them and spend your time w/ friends who make your life happy and peaceful.

Answer 3

A lot of us come from families just like yours, so you're not alone.

When I have to be around certain uneducated biased slobs in my family, I just float away in my own little world and ignore them. Any chance I have to get out of the room from them, I do it. I issolate myself as much as possible at certain family gatherings, because sometimes I just can't stand to hear the c**p that comes out of the older ones mouths.....and they are supposed to be the ones we learn from and look up to?

Thank god we have the internet these days and all the other media/information outlets, otherwise we'd all believe the junk our parents and elders teach us! Yes, sometimes they have some great wisdom to share about certain things, but sometimes their ideas of things pertaining to race, religion, politics, social issues, etc..are still the same ideas they had 50 years ago........times change! The world has come a long way since then!

That's my little rant..

Answer 4

Your an adult, stand up for yourself. If these people are hazardous to your mental health, then don't be around them.

My grandfather is the same way on my mothers side, and I have nothing to do with most of my family because they are crazy.

(Drunks, Abusive, you name it, they are bad people)

I know it might add conflict between you and your mother, but your entitled to make the choice not to expose yourself to these people, eventually she will get over it.

Answer 5

Yeah - families - can't live with them - can't shoot them - REALLY - don't even think about it :)  . Seriously ... there's nothing you can do until you're independent except plan how you are NOT going to be like them. Wear your Ipod, read a book, zone out on TV to block them out. But don't be like them. Realize that your mother and her brother are products of their environment and use them as an example of what you DON'T want to be. I can understand how they are embarrassing and pathetic, but in some warped way (the only way they know) they probably love you. Your grandfather's family was probably even worse. That's how these things go. Ever try asking him about it? You never know. In the meantime, all you can do is ignore as much as you can, deal with as much as you can, live for the day you'll be free, strive to rise above and try to find the humor in the situation. And don't worry, ALL families are messed up one way or another ....

Answer 6

AS SOON AS YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH MOVE AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE.........

MY FAMILY IS QUITE THE FREAK SHOW.....

MY WIFE'S FAMILY.....I REFER TO THEM AS THE TRIBE OF MORONS

FAMILIES ARE INSANE........get a dog