How do you cope with incessant whining and crying and sleeplessness?

Question

My 4 year old stepson has every right to be whining and crying all the time, so I don't blame him. I however am having the hardest time coping and I don't know what to do. He is the most unhappy miserable little boy and it's horribly sad. My husband and I are doing everything we can for him, so please no parenting advice. He's starting therapy, but the real problem is at his mother's house. We have him about 50% of the time and he cries for her nearly the whole time. Nothing we do makes him happy. An attorney has already told us that we can't do anything legally, nothing she's doing consitutes abuse or neglect. I can't cope with him waking us up 3-4 times a night. I can't cope with the constant whining and crying. I have no where else to go when he's here and although I'm sympathetic to his problems I just can't take it anymore. Please help. I have an ulcer from this already (nonH.Pylori) and I have hyperacussis, so he honestly hurts my ears all the time. Please help.

Answer 1

Well make him feel at home and try to get his mind off of anything that might make him cry. He needs love so play with him and talk to him. Maybe even sleep beside him or sing him to sleep, he will eventually feel better about coming and stop crying good luck and sorry

Answer 2

You're in a tough pickle there. While you work on helping this child and making him more comfortable with his life, you need to find some personal time to help keep you sane. I suggest looking into some kind of yoga class. There are tons of different types of yoga and they all work to help you relax your mind and spirit. You could also try a spa day to get what sounds like much needed pampering. When you don't have the little guy with you, you and your husband need to attend to each other and make sure you keep a balance there too or you'll end up with a whole new set of issues. Counseling for you both would be useful also - not only to learn how to better help your stepson but how to help yourself or at the minimum, vent.

The boy is so young and he's not able to verbalize his feelings, as you know. That makes things even more frustrating for you. If you could find a way to get down on his level, it might help him which would in turn help you too. Perhaps you can find something relaxing to do as a family that would help you cope while releasing the child's fears of abandonment, etc. If he likes animals, you could spend time with them in some way. Animals are always helpful to relax us, as is music.

Good luck with things. It's really just going to take time and as much patience as you can muster. You're welcome to email me if you want to vent to someone outside your circle. Cheers.

Answer 3

It's just part of being a step parent.

If he is crying for him mom, and everyone is on good terms why not try having visitations with her at your house or you go to see him over there. Then slowly get him used to being away from his mother by taking him to Macdonald's for short periods of time. Hopefully he'll grow accustomed to being away from her after a while. Other than that you just have to deal with it and make sure you show him that you care.

I know you don't want parenting advice but theres really not much I can say. When you get involved with someone who has kids from a previous relationship you have to be prepared to take on that as part of your life.

Answer 4

i am so sorry for you. r u able to put him in a safe spot for 30mn at a time? i used to give myself a time out when my kid was that age. i put a video on in a safe room and then i went into another room for about 30mn or so just to relax. if you wanted to do that you could also keep a baby monitor on in the other room so you could at least hear him while you take a time out.  maybe a baby sitter even if you are still around so you can take a long bath or read or what ever helps you relax. or you can use a CD-player over your ears on low. that way you can tune out the whining but still hear if he yells. you know use the music as white/background noise.  how about some breathing exercises for when you are really at your wits end. i hope there is some thing useful here   good luck

Answer 5

You say that YOU can't cope.  You obviously KNEW this man had a child BEFORE you married him.  If you couldn't cope with the whining and crying WHY did you marry the child's father?  That was your CHOICE, you CHOSE to put yourself right where you are.  So stop YOUR whining and crying about it and deal with it.

Answer 6

idk

Answer 7

i feel so bad for him and you.

ear plugs might help or go sit in the car and listen to music for a song or two.

also get a card/paper and write "this wont happen forever, things will change and get better."  read it when you have just had it and really think about those words.  if he is getting therapy things will change in time.

I hope things get better for that little boy and you!  I really do!

Answer 8

the change is always going to make the like yhis , this is the only way he can deal with anxity separation.needs lots of loves.