How do you criticize this poem?

Question

here i am standing with your memories carved in my heart waiting to see my own words faded in your longed eyes, again and again, may be i can find myself that is lost in me from the moment that your being turned to a shadow of fantacy.

Answer 1

That's a poem? That's NOT a poem!  And don't give me any of that 'free verse' c**p either!  It's just a bunch of meaningless words strung together, and the English is pretty rotten too.

Gimme a break!

What are 'longed eyes'?

'Maybe I can find myself that is lost in me'? Doesn't make sense!  

'Shadow of fantacy'! That's  meaningless, and the spelling is incorrect!  It's 'fantasy'.

I'm sorry to seem so harsh and ultra critical, but I can see that you are a person who 'thinks', and that you are trying to put your feelings into verse.  But you really should make an effort at rhyming at least part of your 'poem'!  And you MUST spell correctly and use proper English!

Answer 2

Just spell "fantacy" "fantasy", and you did pretty good (that is, if you wrote it). By the way, i also think it should be elaborated on.

Answer 3

Hi,

that's very good, some structure will emphasize the significant peices...if i may...

here i am standing,

your memories carved in my heart

I see my own words fading,

in your longed eyes as we part,

again, and

again,

but maybe i can find myself,

that is lost inside of  me,

from the moment you became a shadow

a fleeting fantasy.

Answer 4

the last sentence doesn't make sense. i love the first to. Practice  NOWWWWWW!!!