How do you de-momma a Momma's Boy?

Question

I posted a similar question about this today.

I really need my husband back. He needs to be here to raise my daughter with me and to be a parent. I fear he's missing out! So what can I do to de-momma him?

Someone said I should be extremely good friends with his mom (which is hard because I'm on the verge of hiring a hit man!) to get him to back off.

I just can't stand his mom. I told her off yesterday through email stating she needs to stop being so disgusting to my daughter, sticking fingers in her mouth, sharing drinks with the ENTIRE family and then giving it to my infant, buying her recalled items, things that are banned, etc.

I am just so fed up... I've thought about leaving him. When he wasn't a momma's boy, he was dedicated to the family. Now I've lost him to his mother! UGH!

How do I intervene without them knowing... to get him to get off of mommy's lap?

Answer 1

You need to tell him to grow a set and confront his mother. If you do it, it will only p**s her off and cause her to drive a wedge even further between you two. He has to be the one to do it.

vavoom74 - your a b**ch. Leaving and taking his money will only make things worse.

Answer 2

I’ll try to be nice.

OK. You’re upset. We get that. Mom does things with your daughter (I assume she’s an infant) that gross you out. We get that too.

Thing is, you’re also being really, really self-centered, jealous and showing a side to yourself that is really NOT AT ALL pretty or nice. Worse, still, you’re hiding behind your daughter because your husband no longer pays attention to you like you want him to. So, rather than thinking, “how can I get my husband to pay attention to me,” you’re insinuating that he’s not a good father or husband. And then you drag MIL into this by all the accusations of gross behavior. And telling someone off by email is a really cowardly act.

Yeah, you don’t come across as a nice person at all.

And I will say that is not how you really are. You’re really a sweet, gentle, kind person. But right now you’re not portraying that very well.

Honey, I suggest you back off and let Grandma do her thing – complete with the fingers in the mouth …with maybe the exception of feeding daughter junk food or sugary soft drinks - which she shouldn’t be allowed to eat/drink anyway.  Still, no matter what – Grandma’s god-given right is to spoil the baby. That’s the “grand” part. So back off on her.

OK. The problem between your husband and you – is between you and your husband – not his mother. For whatever reason, he’s running away from you – can’t you see? Maybe it’s because new fatherhood is overwhelming him. I don’t know – but I can say that by your post, you appear to be acting like a she-bear protecting her cub – which is WACKO-WACKO. AND it does nothing but drive him farther away. So watch the “protective mommy” business. Try looking into ways you can attract his attention some other way. But it begins with talking to your husband – not ranting against his mother (remember, she’s a she-bear too – and a lot older, wiser, craftier than you are.)

Truly, If I were you, I’d send her flowers and a handwritten note apologizing for your mean email and ask her to forgive you for being childish and selfish.

Answer 3

O hon, you need Dr. Phil!!

Leave and take his money, somehow that always wakes a man up ....when his money is being taken away.

Answer 4

Move far, far away.

Answer 5

well you could start taking that person around his father more and gather a good relationship with his father so therefore he could be close to you and his father if he doesn't have a father around then you should take his around his male friends more so he could gather a relationship around his friends or maybe even a male family member like an uncle

Answer 6

Hon, he was always a momma's boy, that's what you liked about him. He wasn't pushy or demanding and you could dominate him. But now he's gone back to his mama and you're pissed.

Go find another wussy man whose mother is DEAD and move on. It is my experience that a leopard don't change his spots. Also you got what you asked for. You wanted a man who could be dominated by women and for better or worse he is such a man. You aren't going to trump mama and would be a fool to try.

Answer 7

It sounds like you and your husband need to have a serious talk about your relationship and his priorities. On the other hand, you also need to make an effort to be civil with his mother; ever heard the phrase: "you'll catch more bees with honey?" If you have something negative you need to say to her or you want her to change her attitude or actions and asking her directly doesn't help, you should voice your concerns to your husband and let him deal with his mother. On the other hand, if he's a "momma's boy," he probably won't have the nerve to stand upto her. Perhaps the three of you should all sit down together and get everything in the open. If that doesn't help, try marriage counseling.

I agree with Xerendip.ity.... your husband can divorce you, but he can't divorce his mother.

Answer 8

First, if you REALLY want him back you need to REALLY take a good look at what you are saying.

What makes you so mad at her?

Remember she is the first woman in his life.  I'm not saying to bend over and go with everything she wants or does, but come to a happy medium and 'Telling her off' is certainly not it.

Do an appraisal of everything she does that 'ticks' you off and see what exactly about it bothers you so much.  Is it the actual act, or because it is her.

So what if she buys your daughter stuff?  That's nice!  If you don;t want to use it - don't.  Do all you can to keep the peace if you REALLY want the relationship to work.  Right now, you are putting your hubby in a really bad place.  And subconsciously or not, in his mind, no one should "tell mama off".

Answer 9

you need to talk to her in person, not through email!  FACE her!  You'll never change a grown man who's a momma's boy - didn't you know this about him before you got married???

Answer 10

I don't know if you'll be able to handle this, but we'll give it a shot.....

I think you're the problem here and you need to back off or you'll lose your husband.

First, you can't block an incoming number on a cellphone, so you need to get a hold of yourself because you're talking c**p that can't really happen, and this is from emotions.

Since you sent the email blasting her, now you've started the battle, she won't stop, and she's going to win, and she knows it. So, before you go any farther, back off....