How do you deal mentally with your childrens friends that are not very well off?

Question

Ok, there is this little boy that is in my son's kindergarten class and he comes over to my mom's house (our daycare) almost everyday after school. My mom told me that he will show up sometimes 20 minutes before my son gets there and just sit on the steps to wait. She said he lets her know he is there but he wants to wait outside. :(

Anyway I told this guy that someday he should come stay the night with us so I gave him my phone number and told him to have his mom call. Well the next day (friday) he is there playing again and my son says that this little boy is going to stay the night. I said it was ok but his mom didnt call. So this kid gets his stuff and leaves. About 10 minutes later he comes back with his mom.

I do not like to lable people but my first thaought was she was kinda like a tweeker. I dont really know how to explain it. She smelt really bad of smoke too. Anyway she was really weird to talk to and kept going on and on about some boyfriend or something. But she..

Answer 1

You have a kind heart, extend the invitation to him as often as it fits into your schedule....just having some kind and warm adults in his life will be a blessing, never mind the material things...

My hubby's family was poor when he was young and he says some of his best memories are from that time, so being poor doesn't mean missing out necessarily...it's the love and attention that mean more, especially with a Mom who's more concerned about her love life.

Answer 2

Aww that is soo sad,It almost brought tears to my eyes, that poor boy probably doesn't live such a good life...His mom probably loves him, but is strugging and probably has alcohol or drug problems.

Answer 3

Just do what your heart tells you. This child is looking up to you not for your material generosity, but for your warmth most likely that he is not getting at home.

Who knows? your actions may help this child build a strong character over time, and help him aim to break the mould he is in with his mother. Poverty is a vicious cycle, only the strong and willing are able to break it. You are giving him a window of what could be...

Answer 4

All you can do is to continue to invite the poorer children to come play. And while they are there show them a better life - so when they grow up they can say they want that kind of life for themselves and their children.

And:

1. If your son is bigger maybe instead of a thrift shop you could give his older clothes to this child.

2. When you have your child sort out old toys from his toy box - maybe that child would enjoy them.

3. If you are doing something special and your son wants to bring a friend pick this child who will not get those opportunities otherwise.

And by doing this you are teaching your son empathy for those less fortunate than us.

Answer 5

aww, poor lil guy. just keep inviting him over. its not his fault that he has a pretty sucky mom. he's trying to do stuff on his own! poor lil fella packin his own bag with summer clothes! you should have a talk with his mother too. tell her how much you and your kids enjoy the boys company...it sounds like she's a lil off her rocker, and might try to take advantage of you offering to let her son come around a lot, but it would be good for him. i'm a sucker for kids with sad stories like that! good luck!

Answer 6

He is her kid, not yours.  It may seem to you that he gets excited over everything your child has, but in reality, all kids get excited over "new" things, even kids with lots of it at home.  The worst you can do is to pity the boy and give him gifts and treats.  This may injure his self-esteem, not to mention his mom's.  I remember as a kid, I'd give away toys to neighbors just because they say they like it.  Make sure that your child does not give away his stuff, because this may lead to the boy thinking that your child's things are his to take, and eventually develop into thieving.  

If you're well aware that your son is obviously more fortunate (materially) than this boy, I'd suggest that the games they play be home made (like crafts, or sports) rather than expensive toys (like gaming consoles, model cars...)  Keep the fun natural and simple.  Kids these days are getting way more than they should anyway.

Answer 7

Personally i would put more effort into supporting the mother...

Having been on the back end of similar sentiment, it's well intentioned...but not helpful

This kid will 'A' be hanging round the rich kids (brown noseing) which will alienate him and mother from there own cohort group...

Second are you prepared to keep up the childs support in clothes and kind for the rest of his life, will he still seem deprived and helpless at 13?

There are an awful lot of needy familys maybe it's a 'life hint' to put some time and effort into doing some extra community work rather than focusing on a particular individual case.

Id be helpful but strict with the child (under suferance) other wise you undermind any authority that the mother has

how is she supposed to compete with warm clothes, stocked cuboards and mountains of toys? ...how do you expect her to react to you?

Ive always taken poor kids and baked them food, and suggested that a loaf of bread might be a better purchace from the dairy. At the moment i would'nt want to be encourageing shiny packageing.

The same children normally end up going home with some of my childrens clothes, which my children organise not me.

try exploring language 'weird' can mean 'different' and it sounds as if you are experianceing the clash of too very different worlds, to her you will reak of perfume and stink of food...

Life for many has become a dept racket,

Think

Predict

then choose how to act

act in haste repent at leisure

Zoe.

Answer 8

It sounds like the Good Lord has blessed you and your family to have all the things that you have. Just continue to be good to the little boy. Let him enjoy some of the goodness that you have. That might be the only time that he will have a chance to.

Answer 9

First of all what is wrong with not having pjs?  All three of my kids (and myself) sleep in the nude.  And what is wrong with wearing shorts and tee shirts when it's 62 degrees outside?  Even if it is raining why does someone else's child have to comform to what you do with YOUR son?  

Actually he sounds as if his mother has taught her son some pretty old fashioned manners (which is good).  He waits outside for your son to come home so they can play, do you know how many kids I've encountered who want to come inside and wait in my kid's room for them to get home from something?  And so his mother smelled of smoke...not everyone on this planet is a non-smoker.  At least she called to check up on her son, in the evening.  Not everyone on this planet raises their children the same as you do.

Answer 10

i know how you feel we have a whole trailer of kids next to our house and one neighor below them last summer feed him breakfast lunch and dinner it was aweful they never give the kids anything as i can see we have went thru my nephews clothes and i have gave the two little boys i have gave them toys and one day i cleaned out my food cabinet and i was just talking to i think it is a step mom and well i was like well i needed to clean out my cabinets of food and well i have this stuff and i was wondering if you new anyone that could use it and she was like no not really i was like well would you like it so i don't have to throw it away and she took it and that was that and know i go threw toys and stuff constantally and stuff to give them and i go to the thrift store several times a week as they always put new things out and i already give her tons cause i tell her they are my nephews and they have grown out of them well i already feel bad for them but you can only do so much as you have done great so far but i hope him the best

and thanks for being such a caring person

my little girl gets everything and so i keep my three nephews with everything they would ever need and want but i wish i could do more for kids in my area that i live i try as they grow out of things to give it to the others

Answer 11

If it was me, I would treat the little fellow with all the respect he deserves.  If you are wanting to help him out a little, send a shirt home or a pair of jeans or shorts the next time he comes over.  Just casually try to help with the items you think he needs.  Just be there for the child and try to make a lasting impression on him.  It is great that neither you or your son look down on this child because he is not as well off as you.  The child cannot help the environment he lives in...Children are the future and they did not ask to be brought into the circumstances they are placed in...Just love this child and treat him like you would any other friend of your sons...Good Luck and God Bless...Sounds like you have done a pretty good job with your son!