How do you deal with 3 year old screaming in stores?

Question

I have a three year old son who recently began throwing fits in stores over silly things like having to sit in the cart, not being able to touch stuff, etc. He screams at the top of his lungs, kicks, tries to hit while everyone around me is staring me down. He has done this 4 times in the past 2 days. Everytime I ask any close relatives to babysit while I run errands, they are all busy. My husband works all day, has classes everynight and coaches on the weekends, so he is never home until around 9pm. It's becoming impossible for me to do anything. I haven't gone grocery shopping in two weeks to avoid the scene. I just dont know what to do anymore, I never get a break and it's getting to me not being able to ever go anywhere or do anything without a huge fit. What can I do to stop him from acting this way?

Answer 1

my mom use to pinch me kind of hard when i acted up and i learned pretty quick not to act up in stores. but you have to tell him why you are pinching him so he can learn to behave

Answer 2

Tell your son before you get into the store that if he acts up like screaming or a tantrum, you both will leave immediately. If you can't act right in public than you don't deserve to be out and about. This might take a couple of times. Be consistent and mean what you say.

Answer 3

I have 3 kids under 5 and the only way we can do a shop without any screaming is to give them tasks, make them feel important, like what kind of milk do we usually get, Is this the kind of bread we use, Do we want to get some fruit for the kitchen, lets go look for the loo roll tell me when you see it,  things like that,   I hope I have been of some help to you, you could even make him his own picture shopping list, make it fun for him, I know its hard but its a bit better than being so stressed that you don't want to be in the shop.   good luck,  Ive been there so many times and it is so not easy.

Answer 4

he starts acting up take him to the bathroom and punish him a good swat to the backside wont hurt him trust me

or take him and go home

make sure that before you go out hes fed and not tired. and that he doesnt need to potty and bring along a couple small toys

Answer 5

Give him a smack.  Then maybe he won't grow up to steal or mug old ladies.  It's the PC system of not disciplining kids that has our society going down the toilet.  And plus, giving him a smack when he throws a fit teaches him discipline.  Just reward him for good behavior.

Answer 6

as a rule, I never give in to tantrums, you just get the same problem every time they want something(which is like 100 times a day!). I would just tell him that if he behaves he gets a small treat, if he doesn't, then no treat. I would try to give him something to play with during trips to the store or maybe a favorite snack that is not messy and takes a long time to eat, and if he does freak out I would put/keep him in the cart and seriously ignore him. I know thats hard to do but if you got the hard route for a few days you will find the long run much easier (and quieter) good luck, we have all been there.

edit: oh, and I've seen people do time outs in the grocery store. if I needed to, I would totally do that.

Answer 7

I don't have children, but I have a really good story about this.  My grandmother tells it often and it's become a very vivid memory for me:

I was in the store with my mother and grandmother when I was a kid.  My mother had had a talk with me beforehand about how I was not allowed a toy even though we were going in a toy store.  We were ONLY getting something for a birthday party I was going to.

Anyway, OF COURSE I wanted one anyway.  I was a kid.  I was told no and, of course, I threw a fit.  My mother was so embarrassed and almost gave in and just got it for me.

However, my grandmother simply grabbed her arm and pulled her along.  I sat there screaming as they walked away.  She always said she made sure they could see me at all times, but they were not going to stand there and put up with my little fit.  They completely ignored me and I stopped and I didn't do it again.

I know it sounds harsh, but I do remember feeling very foolish standing there by myself and screaming and crying.  Especially once I realized it was not affecting my mother or grandmother in the way I had intended.

I have since worked a lot with kids and this has always worked like a charm.

Don't let him affect you with his fit.  Don't give in, don't comfort him.  You don't have to actually LEAVE him, just put on a poker face and ignore it.  You will still get stares and angry looks from other people, but **** them.  They probably don't have kids and don't understand.

PLUS, once he realizes he's not getting the desired reaction or attention from you with his hysterics, he will likely stop.

I'm not an expert on kids or anything, but I do think this just might work.  It's worth a shot anyway.  I hope you figure something out if it doesn't work - he shouldn't be able to control your daily life in this manner or he will always do it.

Answer 8

i call it a belt

Answer 9

well first remember this is only a phase & all kids do it. imnot sure what u mean by punishment but try to remember that as annoying as it is its a new form for your child to express his feelings. punishment for that isnt always a good idea.u have to keep doing what u r doing go shopping let him throw his fit. ya people will stare but oh well the kid needs to know who wears the pants in the family if you stop what u r doing everytime he throwas a fit then u give him the tool to control u and to get his way whenever he pleases. not okay!! but its okay to talk to him and say im sorry u r upset but we have to grocery shop and do it. and be happy about it like nothing is wrong and u dont even notice hes throwing a fit and its also okay to tell him afterwards that you really wish he would try harder to be a good boy while u shop or whatever also try givig him a toy or some distraction things that talk lite up or make noise are great attention getters and forget about the general public and what they think u will only spend 30min or so w/ them u have to spend a lifetime with your child good luck with everything hope i helped a little

Answer 10

get him a toy

Answer 11

I'm a big Supernanny fan and this is what she has to say on the subject:

If you're going to the grocery store, let your child be your helper.  Always, always go with a list so you can organize yourself (it'll be one less stressor).  As you are going down an aisle tell your child what you need.  Tell them you're on a treasure hunt and to help you find it.  When you get to the item in question let your child put it in the cart.

When they feel that they are part of the trip, instead of a prisoner, they will behave much better.  If he does well, give him a small treat when you get to the register.  Praise him for doing well and he'll want to keep doing it to get his treat and your praise. :)

Another option is to bring an activity for him to do in the cart.  If he likes action figures or books, bring a little bag for him and put his activities in it.  Perhaps it is just boredom that is making him act up.

Don't feel bad about the other people - there is no way they can say their kids didn't do it too.  All children have some kind of meltdown in a public place.  People should be far less judgemental and think back to how embarassed they were when their own children did it.

Best of luck to you!!

Answer 12

!st thing you need to do is start watching "SuperNanny".  That TV show was made just for you.

Most kids throw a tantrum because they are selfish and self-centered.

You need to start employing "tough love".

Your discipline must be firm and consistent.  if you  tell him X is going to happen if he doesn't do as told; then X better happen if he doesn't.  He has learned how to call your bluff and obviously that was all you have been doing is bluffing him.

You have to regain the upper hand in your relationship and SuperNanny will show you how to do it.

Answer 13

1. You should never buy a child anything so they will be good. That sets a bad example for later in life.

2. If you did whip your child in public, and someone witnessed it. So what!!!. Just walk away from that person. If that person follows you, tell them they will be next if they continue to meddle in your business.

3. As for your husband. I agree with the one who said give up coaching. He needs to spend time with his family more, and not other people's kids, if it's becoming a problem. Work and classes are different, depending on what the classes are for, but coaching? No one else can do this? He needs to put his priorities in order. If he already has, you got bigger problems than your child having a fit in the store.

Answer 14

I had the same issue with my son right before he turned 3. I took away his favorite toy and told him he can have it back when he behaves in the store. It worked, but then he finally grew out of the phase anyway. I don't know how long your son has been going through this, but it should pass. Good luck, I know your pain, because I drag my son everywhere too, including my doctor appts, which is a real pain!

Answer 15

Just tell him that you will put him in his room and go to the store (dont actually do it) if he continues to act this way, put him in his bedroom and shut off the lights, lock the door, get in the car and drive around the block. Ask him if he will be have and if he sayz yeah i will and does :)! If he doesnt take him home and actually leave for 10 minutes and tell him you went to the store and there was a monster climbing through the window. That will scare him good! Then he sould behave!

Answer 16

I have this exact problem!! haha but i have learned that if he is not calmed down after a min of me queitly talking to him I just ignore him and he will eventuallu calm down. If people start starring at me I usually just say something smart like "ahhh arent toddlers just fabulous" or "I didnt let him get that porshe outside" and laugh and brush it off! They usually just laugh and seem to not mind it anymore. Trust me its not easy but if you act like it doesnt bother you then more then likely it wont bother others! But it takes ALOT of patience!  Eventually he will stop after not getting a reaction from you! Also you could try talking to him before you go into the store of what your expectations are and what the disipline is if he does not follow these rules. Good Luck and we will survive! haha

Answer 17

1.  Could your husband start canceling coaching for next season?  Seems like he is gone a lot and missing much of his son's only childhood.

2.  Does this just happen in stores or is there anything at home that is similar?  Are their any parallels?  Sorry to answer a question with a question... but you didn't include it and maybe it will help you start thinking towards a solution.

3.  Positive discipline seems to be the most effective approach towards getting children to behave correctly.  If he can go 2 minutes without throwing a fit, praise him with stickers or GREAT JOB!!!.  Then see if he can go 5 minutes, etc. etc.  But above all don't bribe him with candy and things.  I just don't agree with that because it sets the tone that kids need to GET something if they behave.  They should eventually be expected to behave.

Answer 18

SPANK HIM

Answer 19

he gets punished as in what a time out? You obviously have no control over your 3 year old which is sad considering you're his mother. Your relatives know hes a terror. Do you tell him no? Do you swat his bottom? He is 3 and old enough to know better. You cannot avoid the things you have to do you need to figure out how to straighten him out

Answer 20

Remove him from the situation immediatly.  If you belive in spanking, a small pat (nothing that could harm him of course) might be in order.  If you do not belive in that form of punishment, find another you might want to try taking him home right after the temper tantrum and sitting him in a time out.  It might take a lot of time, but he needs to be punished immediatly for his actions.

Answer 21

I know its hard. If talking to him isnt enough, take him to the bathroom and pop him. I've started standing my 3 yr old in the corner with nothing to play with. After a couple of times, he learned to listen to me.

Answer 22

Can he not help you with the shopping - you follow him and tell him what he can and cannot have in the basket - Just an idea.

Answer 23

by throwing fists of fury

Answer 24

Find a grocery store that will deliver your groceries. Most will make a delivery if your order is over $25.

You can also join a parenting group or play group where mothers babysit for each other, while the kids play the mother whose turn it is runs errands -- Put a sign up at the local grocery and playgrounds to find local moms who also would be interested in sharing such tasks.

Edited to add: WHEN you have no choice but to bring him to the store... everyone that said remove him immediately from the store is correct. Everyone who said give him a treat for "behaving correctly" is wrong. Children need to learn to behave because it is the right thing to do, not because it will get them a reward.

Answer 25

Ok, here is a moment in your life where you will have to make the desicion that could change your sons personality when he is older.

You need to step up and say NO.

You could spank him. And trust me, spanking is NOT a big deal. The only thing I frown upon is full on abuse.

You need to punish him. Take away his favorite toy. Make him stay in his crib/bed. Put him in a corner. Dont give him and candy.

Make him understand that your NOT going to allow him to act like that!!!

however...if you dont think you can do that...and you continue to let your son walk all over you, he will be one of those little brats that rebels and treats you like **** when he's a teenager.

So choose. Teach your son some manners. Or let your son run your life.

Answer 26

Child 1 mom 0,  the child is in control.   Set the child down and go over the expectations once again like you are and continue to go for it.  But the next time your pushing the cart and he starts to yell stop the cart, and totally ignore him.  Let him yell as loud as he can and show no emotion, none, just ignore him.  Should not last too long because hes not getting any pay off, and I suggest you grab one of those papers to read while he acts up.

Answer 27

I would get down on the floor in front of everyone and start kicking and screaming it will embarrass him so bad he won't do it again

Answer 28

Right when it starts, pick him out of the cart and leave the store, get in the car and go home, then put him in a time out. Give it a few tries and then it should work, its a lot of extra work, but consistency is important. If you let it go once he'll start thinking he can get away with it again. Use a low tone, but dont raise your voice.

Answer 29

So sorry that you are enduring this,

My best suggestion is to watch a

few Nanny 911 episodes. Use some

of the techniques in your own home.

Also,,,,,,,,,and this may sound wacky,

I have found alot tricks just by watching

" The Dog Whisperer " !!  Bad behavior

is bad behavior no matter how many legs !!

Major Tip,,,,,,Stay strong and consistent,

confidence is your secret weapon.

Answer 30

Bribe him or threaten him.

Answer 31

Something that worked really well for my sister with my niece was to take my niece immediately out of the cart, set her down, grasp her hand firmly, and exit the store.  Then she would take her to the car, put her in her car seat, and tell her that they were going to sit there until she could behave herself in the store.  Of course my niece would get so bored and upset at having to sit in her her car seat with nothing to do, that she would promise to behave, and did.  

Doing that will a) be great for being respectful of the people around you.  No one wants to listen to a child screaming while they're trying to enjoy their shopping, no matter if they understand it, or not.  Also, b) you will  not have to leave the store and go all the way home to put the child in timeout as some other posters have suggested.

When you are in the store with the child in the cart, definitely bring something to keep them occupied: bring a book, a toy, a snack, and a bottle of water/juice/milk.  While you're shopping, carry on a dialogue with the child.  If you're talking to them, they're not going to be doing naughty things to get your attention.

Always make a list of what you're there to get: get in and out of the store quickly.  When you're all done, make sure you tell your son how proud you are of him for behaving - make a big deal out of it, clap, the works.  Children at that age are so happy when someone is proud of them.  Do not, however, reward the child with food - that teaches the wrong lesson about food.

Lastly, I would speak with your husband.  It is his son too, and if your husband is out this much, your son is missing out as well this is making life harder for you.  Tell your husband you understand he has other commitments, but that his first commitment should be to his family.