How do you deal with a Mother that Loves to embarrass,humiliate, and put you down in the most subtle way?

Question

I am a grown adult...late thirties. My Mother and I have an easy come/ go (usually me going AWAY for extended time frames, rather than being miserable, & crapped on all the time type ) relationship. In the last week she has embarrassed me, talked down to me, and compared me to family members that she knows I despise. She has been ruthless for years, and can be very unkind, just want to keep the peace, but put my foot down. I am looking for a TACTFUL way to deal with this as not to have 4 more years of NOT speaking. Please GOOD advice..THANKS

Answer 1

The best thing you can do is to point out her bad behavior immediately.  If she is going to talk to you like that in public, she has in effect, given you permission to talk to her like that - in public.  

She obviously has some issues making her feel inferior and the way she compensates is to put others down.  You have become a convenient target because you take it.... to a point.  

I bet when you call her on it, she says something like, "Can't you take a little joke??"    Then you can smile and say, "Mom, no one thinks it funny but you, and it is very hurtful"  

I hope it gets better, really I do....