How do you deal with a destructive child?

Question

My 3.5 year old is constantly ripping stuff. I don't get it. If she sees a page in a book with a tiny tear, she'll rip the whole thing. She rips stickers off EVERYTHING. She rips book covers off books. She peels the paper off all her crayons. This morning in swim class, for instance, she was sitting on the edge of the pool and there was a piece of where some plastic was coming off, and she sat there picking at it.

Is this normal? It seems a bit OCD to me. She's been doing this for years, and I don't think she can stop herself from doing it. We punish her consistently, and she still does it. She rips something, and we take it away for a few days and she goes in the naughty chair.

Are all kids destructive like that? I don't know how to get it into her head that you have to be respectful of things, and not tear everything up.

Answer 1

Some destruction is normal with toddlers, but the level your describing sounds overwhelming.  You sound like an understanding parent - and when you mention that you "don't think she can stop herself" from doing it, I think you might be right.  Your consistent punishment sounds appropriate to me.  At this point, your best bet might be to consult her pediatrician.  If she has a disorder that compels her to keep doing this, no amount of punishment will change it.  

Also, regardless of whatever other advice you may receive, please do not consider spanking her.  Spanking (a polite word for hitting) your child will accomplish nothing except teaching her that the biggest bully wins. It teaches fear, not respect. I applaud you for taking the other route so far.

Good luck with this tricky problem.  You do sound like the type of parents who will be able to find the answer.

Answer 2

Actually, yes, I do think kids are destructive. Both my older and younger daughters had/have that tendency. I realized that for them, tearing things up was just fun. The thing to do is show them what's off limits to tearing, create things together that they are allowed to destroy, and wait for them to grow out of it. It's just like building a tower with blocks, half the fun is knocking it down again. You just have to help them learn what can't be harmed.