How do you deal with a family death?

Question

My husband's sister passed away on Tuesday from pnemonia (sp). He left this morning to go back to West Virginia to help his other sister out for a few days. I couldnt go because of the price of plane tickets so I decided to come back to work today.

The problem is, I am having problems being here. I find that everything reminds me of her and so I start breaking out in tears. I am not sure how to handle something like this. Most of all, how do I console my husband who is now 1600 miles away? I feel so bad because I can't be there with him when I know he is hurting. Can someone please give me some advice on how I should handle this. Thank you.

Answer 1

So sorry to hear of your sister in law's passing.

Death is a very difficult thing to deal with. I lost a sister nearly 4 years ago to cancer, she was only 13. Everyone deals with death in a different way. Is there no way possible at all to go to be with your husband? I would suggest you take a few days off work if possible and try and come to terms with it. Jumping back into everyday life isn't usually a good idea, because you don't leave yourself time to grieve, which is very important. If you can't be with your husband right now, try and be there when he does come home. Spend some time together, talk about his sister if you can, try and remember some of the good times. Do something together to remember her. Try not to block her from existance. Some people "cope" with death by trying to block the person as though they never existed, but they did exist and still do in your hearts, no matter now much you try and erase them. Just remember, his sister will live on in your hearts, and try and remember that she still is alive in your hearts and always will be. It seems there's not a whole lot you can do right now, in the current situation, but being at work probably won't help much. You won't be able to concentrate. Perhaps writing a letter to your husband (for him to read when he gets home) telling him you don't really know how he feels but you want to be there and help him grieve for his sister. It might help him to know you're there for him.

When my sister died, we did as much as we could to try and remember her. We still celebrate her birthday. We buy something in remembrance of her: a bunch of flowers, a plant, some purple balloons (purple was her favourite colour) or something like that to remember her. At Christmas and other family times, we always have a photo of her somewhere, to remember that she would be there if she could. We always talk about her as if she was still here and laugh about the fun times we had.

Try and commemorate her life, rather than be sad. Thats not always easy, but be thankful for the time you had with her.

I hope I've been some help, it's really hard to console someone when they've lost someone they loved, even when you've been through it. Just make sure your husband knows you're there for him, and you take some time out to grieve her as well, especially if you were close to her.

XOX you'll get there, it just takes time.

If you'd like to read about my sister, I've created a website in memory of her. http://www.inmemoryofsarah.com

Answer 2

Bottling up your feelings isn't good, everyone needs a cry. Your grieving so i don't think you need advice at the moment. I know how you feel as at least 5 people i know have died this year, we live we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round. As you are grieving then there is nothing i can say but you will slowly start to calm.