How do you deal with a mother's death?

Question

My mom died a little over 4 months ago from cancer. She meant the world to me... I feel like I can't move on a day without thinking about her death, and how she looked during the 5 months she was dying. Is there anybody who's going through something similar or has gone through it? When does it really get easier?

Answer 1

well mii mom died 2

Answer 2

When I was only six years old my mother died by a disease I'm not too quite sure of. She was in so much pain for the longest time before it was her time... It depends on the person really, for when it gets easier. It took me a very long time, but the support of family and friends really helped. Sorry for your loss...

Answer 3

It gets easier as time goes by but always remember that you are a part of her so she is always with you and since she is in heaven now she is always looking over you. im not going through the same thing but my cousin is and thats how she got through it her mom died of cancer

Answer 4

Yes, I have been there...15 years ago. You just be with the loss. Do not "deal" with it. When does it become easier.....someone told me when the memories start showing up and you find yourself saying in conversations, "my mom would do that too". "If my mom were here today she would give you a good lic n' .    

Then it was just a couple weeks ago when a song came on and the first thing that came to mind was, "I miss my mom".  

Answer 5

Awe, I'm really sorry about your lost. I haven't gone through that, but I know people who did. Instead of thinking about what she looked like & when she was suffering, think about the best times you had with her. Think about all the things she did for you. Try not to think about the hard times you went through with her. Before you go to sleep, talk to her even though she's not there. It'll help you if you just talk to her like she never passed away.

Answer 6

Yep my mom died in Oct of 2007 and they "tel me that same thing" but Im not sure that its something you'll ever get over so to say I don't know.. sorrry for your loss my mom was my whole world too.. sad..

Answer 7

I know what your are going through. My Dad died of cancer a year and a half ago. I know what you are saying about the last 5 months too. I had to change my Dad's diapers and watch him decline and beg him to eat.. then eventually give him water on a sponge thing that was on a stick. It sucks. I so wish I could remove all those memories from my mind.

I had to find a way to say goodbye, so I wrote him a poem that I read for his Eulogy, then I also got a small blanket that I wrote the poem on and let our close friends and family sign it before we buried him I put it in his casket with him

Here it is...

My dad was patient loving and kind

He worked hard for his loved ones

He didn't leave us behind.

He gave us knowledge of God and of love

And left us many happy memories to think of

As he watches from above.

He knew this day was coming

And when time was drawing near

I watched him prepare for when he was no longer here.

He replaced the furnace

He replaced the siding too

He bought my Mom a car, a blue Subaru.

I wish he still could visit

Or go to Brady's Run for a walk

I wish that I could call him and we could have a talk.

Those things can't happen but he prepared for that too

There are pieces of him everywhere

And inside me and you.

Fifty seven years doesn't seem to be that much

But look at all that he accomplished

And all the lives he touched.

--------------------------------------...

Those are the things that helped me through... Brady's Run is a park we used to go hiking and canoeing at.. I go there to kinda remember him, I go to the cemetary, but not too often, to me he isn't there. I like to remember the happy times.

Every once in while, I will see a glimpse of him in my brother or my son, and there are times that a memory from when I was little just pops in my head and makes me smile.

He was very involved in our church and community. I try to keep his memory alive by appreciating the things he did and when I do so, I feel pleased that I did something I know he would have liked.

For Christmas, my Mom brother and I didn't want to not recognize him last year, so we took the money we would have spent on a gift and donated it to give music lessons to a kid whose family couldn't afford them. He would have loved that gift.

Moving on is different than forgetting. I will never forget him, I was lucky enough to have grown up with a wonderful Dad, and lots of kids don't have that. I do need to have my own life and not dwell on it, but the memories I have I tell my son and fiance about and just feel lucky to have had him. It took me some time to get to this point, I know your grief is fresher, it will never go away, but it does get better.

My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

~Jessica

Answer 8

I am so sorry.  I know how you feel, because me and my 3 sisters are going thru the exact same miserable time in our lives for the last 11 months.

My mother was a happy and healthy, wonderful wife and fabulous mother and at 72 years old on September 14th she also died from cancer.  

This is definitely the worse time of our lives.  My father is not doing good at all, because they were married for 46 years and now he is a lost puppy.  Our lives have changed incredibly, because she was such a big part in all of our lives.

We are all married in our 40's, and we were still not ready to lose our mother.  We still break down and all we constantly hear is that it's going to get better in time.  They say time is the only thing that could help us get used to our lives without her.   I hate to say it, but I don't see that happening.

A doctor mentioned that when we think about her, we cannot think about the fact that she died.  We have to focus on when she was living with pictures and watching videos, etc.  Well this is so difficult and I'm afraid to see any videos right now.  I don't know how I would feel if I see her and hear her on TV.

Well I am obviously not helping you in anyway, because I don't know what to do either.  We definitely know what you're going thru.  The only thing that makes me feel better is I still talk to her daily like she is right there.  I still ask her advice and I still get it.  Now it's from Heaven.  

Try to have pictures of your mother all over your house and always keep in touch with her.   She is still right there watching over you.

I wish you all the luck.  God Bless  

Answer 9

It's important not to bottle up your feelings when losing a loved one.

As well as shock, bereavement can cause numbness, disbelief, pain, guilt, anger and even relief.

A funeral gives everyone the opportunity to say goodbye to a loved one Everyone comes to terms with bereavement differently.

If you're finding it difficult to cope, talk to your family, teacher or a counsellor. :)

Just think about all the good times you had.

It will get easier.

Just think about what your mum would want you to do, she would want the best for you. x

Answer 10

Hi there, I am sorry for your loss. I have gone through something like that twice and it really is very hard.  It will take time, and although you will never forget, the images of when she was sick will fade and the images of happy times will take over. I am very sorry for your loss. If you would like to chat, please contact me.  

Answer 11

I'm sorry for your loss, I have lost a brother to cancer and was with him till the very end. At first yes it was so hard to get the image of his final days out of my head. I had lost the one person in my life who had been there from the day I was born. Mom walked away and Dad walked away later. My brother loved me for me and not who I married or how nice and sweet I was or mean and rotten. I know it is hard and it almost gave me a nervous break down to lose someone so close to me. I felt as if I was now truly alone, but I wasn't I had my children and friends and his friends who helped me remember the good times we had and reminded me of the before cancer days when he was Young and healthy and the things we did and laughs we had. Soon the image of the small dying man in the hospital bed faded and the memories of the healthy young man I grew up with and loved came back. It's been 10 years now and yes I miss him every day and I often reach for the phone to call and talk to him to celebrate a happy event in stead I call a friend. Hang in there a life time can not heal in 4 months but if you start trying to remember the better times the worse will vanish away.

Lisa  

Answer 12

My Mom died from cancer when I was 16.

It takes a long time to get used to it, especially if you have to move with other relatives and go to a different school where you don't know anyone.  I did go on and finish my last year and a half of school, even though no one made me go.

The best thing you can do is keep really busy.  I hope you have friends, and relatives to be around too.  Be around other people, don't seclude yourself.  Eat healthy, and get exercise so you stay healthy.

Make a wonderful scrap book of your precious Mom's pictures.  Write things that you remember she said or did like crafts or sports, or whatever she liked...singing, painting, playing a guitar.  Through the years you can show your future kids what your Mom loved.  You will enjoy looking at it often, and sharing your memories with what you did together.

Answer 13

I'm sorry for your loss.. I have never dealt with the loss of a parent, and I can't even begin to imagine, but my prayers are with you...