How do you deal with a mother like this?

Question

she is always so depressing. After I told her what I really feel about my sister she acts like i'm the meanest child in the world she goes on and on about how she isn't needed anymore and how everyone is out hurt her and no one loves her etc....

I have limited my visiting with her and my phone calls and everytime she see's me know it is very awkward even my father treats me like this they will ask for help not call to let me know when they need me then when I confront them about it they ho-hum a well your busy and we didn't want to bother you. So here is my real problem I was suppost to go to vegas for my 21 birthday (I have been to vegas every year since I was 7) so it has lost it's appeal to me and also that is were my sister lives so I said I do not want to go and now I am the devil to them. I don't know what to do anymore about my mother or father. any advise is welcomed

Answer 1

See if your mom might actually have depression. Does she have any symptoms listed in the article below? If she does, then tell her that you think she may have it, and make sure she speaks to a doctor about it.

If she doesn't, then tell her that speaking to her depresses you. She's obviously a very pessimistic person, and let her know that if she were to change her mindset to a more positive one then her life would become a lot better. Also, let her know that your problems between your sister are between just you and your sister. She does not come into it. How you feel about your sister has nothing to do with how you feel about your parents.

And, let them know that you are willing to be there for them when they need help, but they need to start calling you. You're not a mind reader... you can't sense when they're in need, you actually need to be told.

Try to remain calm while having this discussion with them. Try to stick to your talking points, and avoid revisiting old hurts. Just stick to try to making sure they don't happen again.

Good luck!

Answer 2

waht you need to do is have a good sit down talk with them

and be open minded and calm

it will help

Answer 3

a mother is mother no matter what father can be any men that try to put a hand to you or tell you what to do but no matter what you mother said or do she still the women that bring you to the world so if i was you i will talk to her and explain how did you feel and if it don't go no where try to talk to you father or even to you sister and if it don't go anywhere left the situation like that for couple week or moore and you will see that they will come to you..good luck..I know what you feel because i have the same problem but when i cant fit it i walk away and live the thing in peace if is something that will bother someone is when you ignored the problem or acting like nothing happens and that when they come to you and lessen. You will be o.k.

Answer 4

My mom was like that for a long time so I can surely relate. This worked for my mom because she still wants to be a part of my life. When I don't call her she asks me why I don't call or come by and I simply told her. ' you depress me' tell them how you feel. If they care at all they will start being more mindful when you come around not to act like that

Answer 5

At this point maybe a little away from all their drama might help you. Of course they are your parents and you will and should always love them, but, this doesn't sound healthy for you right now. You are 21 and an adult. I don't know what is wrong between you and your sister, however. try to forgive for your sake.Try to let them know how you feel and work on getting on with your own life for now. Maybe later you can deal with them a little better, and maybe your parents will grow up.

Answer 6

Sounds like you're doing great by putting some space between you.  You just want them to like your decisions which they are not going to do. If they think they can get you to Vegas by calling you the devil don't you think they will haha?  I fully empathize with you.  They are banging on your boundaries.  The older you get and the longer you stand with your decisions the easier it gets with less drama.  It will get easier just not today.  I wish you serenity  

Answer 7

stop whining your life is fine  

Answer 8

you may be better off without them.

Answer 9

You can't change you parents, don't try...live your life and if they want in it, make sure they HEAR YOU...be an adult and stand up for yourself...(the poor little me only works so long and then they'll try a different approach.)

Answer 10

Your entire family sounds horrible to me... luckily I only have a mother, aunt and grandmother like that. I didn't speak to my mother for 2 years straight and after that, she realized that she didn't have me around anymore so she changed. She still drives me up the wall and I only speak to her maybe once a month, but at least she acts a little better now. If they are causing you unnecessary stress in your life, I would separate myself from them. Luckily I have always had the support of my father, but if they are your only support you may not have that option. The only thing you can do is tell them how you feel and what they're doing to you emotionally.