How do you deal with a partner that has PTSD?

Question

My boyfriend was in Iraq for a year. When we would talk on the phone. He was completely sweet. He would send me things and call me almost everyday. When he arrived I went to go and see him (we live in different states) He bought me the ticket. I was there for a weekend and I fell more in love with him. We made plans that I would move over there with my two kids in Feb. He came to my state two weeks later. He has been here for a month, but his attitude changed completely. He leaves in a few days and I am afraid I wont see him after this. He told me that when he gets home he needs to see a therapist. I asked him why, but it wasn't until a few days ago that he told me to look up PTSD. He has all the symptoms. He decided that we should still stay friends. He tells me he loves me and I am happy because he still does. I didn't get too upset with the break up because I understand he needs to take care of that first. I just need to know who has gone through a relationship like this and if this is normal?

Answer 1

PTSD is a difficult disorder to live with, I have dealt with it for years and must say that until he knows what his triggers are and is willing to share them the only thing you can do is give him space and time. If the love is real he will come back.

Answer 2

With the help he says he's going to get he'll be fine. but if this is something he needs to take care of before he feels he can continue a relationship with you, take his word for it. What ever triggers his trauma, and whatever action he takes when it happens, might firghten you and your kids. He knows he needs help for this so you all can live comfortabley.

It's not a joke. After being in that war Fireworks are not the same, and being out in the open while they are going off make me uncomfortable. But for some, the sound of a fire work could have them running hysterically indoors. If his syptoms are extreme he needs the therapy.

Answer 3

Try to understand and encourage him to get counseling. I can't imagine going through the trauma of war and actually seeing it. it would be horrible and I know it would effect me mentally. Maybe after a while and he gets some therapy you will be able to have a relationship again?  

Answer 4

Don't dabble in that...that situation has little to no tolerance for layperson interference and has to be addressed by a skilled professional. You have no frame of reference for understanding what he's been through, and he's not likely to be able to articulate it well because he's still wrestling with it himself. What you can do is be supportive (to the extent that it's possible). Supportive in this case means allowing conversations to flow where they will and resisting the temptation to try to extract information from him on that subject. He loves you; this is good. He has a long road of recovery ahead of him, but he will get there. I wish you both all the best.

Answer 5

Floridaman is an owl's a**s.

I know how you feel, my wife suffers from PTSD, and it's been very challenging for us. Therapy and medication would help a lot. But the only way for him to get better faster is to be there for him and assure him that you still look up to him and love him, no matter what.

Answer 6

Many returnees have it.  Make sure he follows through with the counseling and all the things he has to do.  Nothing will work if he is suffering badly, so put that first for now.

I carpooled for a while with a VA psychologist who works specifically with PTSD.  They are working hard at helping.  Just encourage him all the way.

Answer 7

I think it is pretty normal, all you have to do is stick by him, a lot of marriages have stuck together, and fallen apart by this.

It is just that both people are having a hard time adjusting to PTSD, and they find it easier to separate or get a divorce in order for the other to deal with it.

If your love for him is enough, just be his friend, and when he gets things straightened out in his life, he just might come back to you.

Answer 8

I remember when my car had Partial Tire Separation Disorder. My mechanic said that my tires needed replacement. I went ahead and purchased the Michelins. I am glad I did. I almost bought the Goodyears.