How do you deal with a problem child?

Question

my nephew is usually a happy, easy-going kid from a happy, normal family. he has a little sister, who is two years younger than him. she is very quiet, shy and a bit withdrawn. the only thing she is good at is playing the piano. she is hopeless at schoolwork, sports, art and almost everything else. she is always playing the piano and singing, both of which she does beautifully. it is very obvious that she has a lot of talent in that area, but she has no friends or social life. one day my nephew helped a bunch of other kids smash her piano and ripped up all her music books. they even destroyed her cds! she was devastated and in tears. their parents are shocked at what he had done. it is so not like him. they don`t know how to solve the problem or what to do about it. they are really upset.

Answer 1

Certainly what your nephew has done sounds shocking but I'd be cautious about jumping the gun on these sorts of situations. I would feel like punishing him severely myself and comforting your niece but I also think it very important to try and understand why he did it.

Have any of you spoken to him about it (calmly, rationally) and tried to figure out what he's thinking, how he feels about it? I mean he's not only helped to destroy something that meant a lot to that girl but as a sibling you would expect them to have a close relationship. I think it's pretty important that if he feels any remorse he should be allowed to show it and be able to understand when something is regrettable rather than being automatically demonised for it. This is an issue that could strongly affect both children and their relationship as they grow up, I don't think simply punishing and compensating is enough. Furthermore, he was not the only actor, whose other children would have to be called into account as well. It sounds pretty terrible but kids (humans of all ages) can do terrible acts without actually realising the ramifications of their actions. How can you define what is the right action to take once you've done it? I don't think there can be any right answer even though the moral issues appear quite clear, life doesn't always work out that way.

Perhaps the whole family should sit down and have a talk, possibly with a mediator (by this I don't necessarily mean even a professional, could be someone familiar who is rational in a stable emotional state). The parents must be wondering what they did wrong, if anything and they should be able to convey to the child that this not only affects his sister but also him and them, even you. I don't know how old these children are but somehow I don't like the idea of adults playing the authority figure or being patronising. Financially, you could probably try and buy a new piano, new books, new CDs, physically you could punish or deprive but emotionally I think that requires communication.

Answer 2

wow that is really heartbreaking. ummmmmm well u can

1 buy your niece a grand piano

2 buy her back her books and cds with a little extra something

3 send that boy to military school

Answer 3

wow.... that is horrible. Why did he do that ? THat is a question that someone should find the answer to. There has got to be a reason.

By the way, i would not be surprised if he has pulled the wool over everyones eyes and is very different when around his friends, concealing it and making himself look good and innocent to the family.

I think it is quite obvious how to solve the problem. THey have to buy a new piano and books for their daughter, and set consequences for their son - and outline what will happen to him if he ever does something so stupid again !!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

obviously your nephew needs to be punished, grounded and perhaps taken to a therapist?  normal kids don't destroy property like that... so you might have to ask yourself "what is wrong with this boy?"

apparently a lot.

and the boys who helped him ruin the piano must have some issues as well.  i can't believe how violent kids can be these days.

i'm so sorry for your niece.  I am very sad for her.  I sure hope she can get a new piano and new music books.  

Answer 5

ok wow that is a problem child

obviously there is something that's making him act like this, and you need to get to the root of his mischief and really punish him, send him to a counselor, it could even be his friends that are influencing him, after all he and his FRIENDS smashed the piano

Answer 6

maybe he is jealous of her talents or maybe he doesn't know how to communicate with her.  I wonder if he feels challenged or something.  Is she constantly being complimented on her talents? If so, maybe he feels competitive.  I think that maybe he just doesn't understand her. Since this girl seems to be anti-social, he might feel threatened somehow. There's could be many reasons why he did that.  I hope she gets a new piano and a sincere apology from her brother and his friends. Bless her.

Answer 7

Problem child? Naw, this to me sounds like a little boy who is jealous that little sister has a lot of talent musically. It's normal.

While I do agree what he did was wrong, it sounds like its time to get him involved in something that he, too, can excel at. Perhaps he would like to take up an instrument, or even play a sport. That would help in keeping him busy, and keeping him from being destructive further. Also, it could be that the other kids aren't such a good influence, he could have been trying to "fit in". And so maybe his mom and dad should no longer let him around that bunch.  

Answer 8

he and his friends who ruined it should have to ber made earn money and buy his sister what they destroyed...... make them do alot of chores/yard work

if he is older enough make him get a job to earn money

Answer 9

As far as I can work out I think there's some jealousy going on or maybe peer pressure. He's jealous that your niece has musical talent. If you always compliment her on  it, he could simply be looking for attention. Her parents need to make your nephew and all his friends apologize and pay to replace her piano, music books and CDs with their pocket money. They broke them, they pay for new ones, it's what happens in society. I think it'd also be good that your nephew sees a councillor or a therpaist, there's always a reason for people doing things as CRUEL as that. Personally I think your nephew has been pulling the wool over your eyes.  

Answer 10

Huh, well, are you the parent?

Clearly, they must administer SPANK SPANK SPANK

Answer 11

Up set and rightfully so ,,,, You didn't mention the age of the brother or his friends but if he's old enough and capable of such damage and cruelty then he's capable enough to get a job to pay for the damages he and his friends have done ,,,,The piano and the other items should be replaced as soon as possible by the parents BUT  I would make sure and without fail that this kid gets a job to pay for the damage of property caused by him and his friends regardless of how much it costs or how long it takes him  ,,,, He should be made to pay back every dime it takes to replace the panio that's equal to or of better quality than the one destroyed including the CD's and sheet music ,,,,

When he's not at work then he should be grounded and confined to his room except for meals or bathroom ,,,, If he has a TV or any other entertainment equipment in his room then remove it ,,,, Let him have nothing that would distract him from thinking about what he's done ,,,,Keep him grounded and confined to his room for as along as it takes him to fully repay his debt ,,,,This should create an incentive to get the debt paid back quicker ,,,, If you think this is too harsh then think about what would happen to him as an adult doing this ,,,,

Vandalism is against the law and he'd wind up with his butt in jail ,,,,This boy definitely needs to be taught a lesson so let the punishment fit the crime ,,,, Better to be confined to his room now than a small jail cell with only a seatless toilet  later on ,,,,  If his parents don't know what to do then he's lucky he hasn't got parents  that would beat him to the point of drawing blood ,,,, I would also make it a point to find out which friends did this with him and contact their parents and demand some kind of restitution for their kids part in this ,,,, Ok it was her brother that did this but they are equally guilty  ,,,, You can bet that if the shoe was on the other foot they'd be the ones calling I'm sure ,,,,  If they don't willing help to compensate for damages then girls parents should file ,,,,  

Any money they might get from the other parents should NOT go to help defray the brothers debt ,,,, It should be given to the girl ,,,, She's the one that lost everything through no fault of her own,,,,  

Who ever these parents are they'd better do something about this now and I strongly recommend that they do it in the fashion I suggested ,,,, If they just let this slide there's no telling what  he might come up with next ,,,, Being a parent is not an easy job and sometimes the punishment is harder on them than it is the child ,,,,Being punished for this is for his own good though ,,,,

When he's served his punishment it might be a good idea to look into what makes this kid tick ,,,, He may have issues that prompted him to do this in the first place ,,,, They need to find out what the problem is and fix it ,,,,After all he's human too and part of the family and deserves some consideration as well ,,,,  

I've seen this sort of thing before and they'd better do something positive now while he's still young enough to learn lessons ,,,,It's for his own good because that jail cell is always there waiting ,,,,   //

Answer 12

get a piano