How do you deal with a relative who always criticizes you?

Question

this relative always wants me to help them yet every time I come over to them, they start criticizing me in everything i do. i want to help, but i can't work around that kind of attitude... and its not like i can just stop talking to them or run away from the problem... so what do i do?

Answer 1

Generally, she's known as "Mom."  You just have to live with it.

Answer 2

simple. You ask them, "Do you want my help?" And most likely they'll say, "Yes", then you'll say, "Well if you would stop criticizing me, I'll help you otherwise don't ask for my help anymore!"

You don't have to be very rude or say it in an attitude but just be very firm about it. Just tell them that you don't appreciate the attitude while you are helping them. Otherwise you are just going to have to say no to them if they want the help.  

Answer 3

humor and a little sarcasm is right.

My family use to harass me about getting married and having babies until I told them I was thinking of adopting lots of African children and never getting married.....  that stop them in their place.

Answer 4

if they always want you to help, it seems you have an option to decline their request. And when the ask why, simply tell them the truth. The relative in question seems like a very small person, who likes to make themselves feel bigger by making others appear smaller.  

Answer 5

Next time they ask for you help tell them that you would love to as long as they don't criticize everything you do. If they ask what do you mean, make sure you can recount certain episodes in which you were being helpful but they were  being negative. Sometimes people don't know they are putting others down, so its good that you point it out to them.  

Answer 6

I think you should just be straight forward with this person and tell them that their constant criticism makes it difficult to be around them, and that if they keep doing it, you won't help them anymore.

Answer 7

Give them a taste of their own medicine. My friends are like that, everytime they have a problem and need to talk and get drunk they come to my house for a nice home and free liquor, but when they want to go out, they make sure not to call me, then come the next day w/ hangovers and stories about how it was so cool and so expensive and how i should have gone. I just started ignoring their calls because i know they just want something. Eveytime something good happens to me, they want to totally ignore it and try to compete w. it, i just rather be alone than have bad company. I still talk to them, but i made sure to set my limits. They would even stay at my house when i wasnt there. I'm not saying critize them, just ignore them when they say stuff, make a face like they do. They will probably ask you whats wrong? which is always funny, because that is the way they act and soon they will realize it. Good luck, and dont let them change you.    

Answer 8

Just tell them.  "No! I'm not going to help you because all your going to do is criticize me.  If you want my help, straighten up your act."

Answer 9

sure you can stop talking to them.  if they wonder why, they can ask and if they ask, you can tell them the TRUTH

Answer 10

you may have to tell them that if they continue you'll not lift a finger to help. first tell them how you feel

Answer 11

You can do anything you want to do and that should include stopping taking any more verbal abuse and harassment. Avoid the relative, do not have any contact with them, and if they ever see you and ask you what's wrong tell them you refuse to have anything to do with them any more and why. Stand up for yourself!

Answer 12

I use humor and a little sarcasm.  I like to exaggerate the criticism to the extreme and pepper it with a little sardonic humor.  If they don't stop the behavior, I simply tell them that their mouth is preventing me from assisting them and until they can control it, they will either have to do it themselves or find someone else who can tolerate it and they can do it.

Answer 13

Wear earphones to listen to music.

Answer 14

It's ok to express yourself in this matter, but choose your words carefully before you speak.  People who fly off the handle and just chew people out usually end up regretting what they've said.  So, think of what you want to say and how to say it and when it comes up that this person wants your help then you can politely say something like, "You know, I would love to help you out but to be honest I'm a little tired of being criticized everytime I do.  I think I'll sit this one out and let you handle it on your own.  If you decide you need my help with something in the future then you can decide on whether or not you will have something bad to say about how I do things."  If the person says they won't criticize then go ahead and help but as soon as they start up again, then you can walk away...and let them know that before hand.  You could say something like, "I'll go ahead and help you out but as soon as your ribbing starts up I'm done.  Are we clear?"  And stick to it...Good luck and may the force be with you.