How do you deal with a touchy feely guy...?

Question

...who goes out with your best friend? It was the first time I met the guy and before we were even acquainted 3 hours, he's l*****g his lips when he talks to me. Next after he gets some liquor in him I notice the touchy feely-ness with a couple other girls but he seems persistent with me. My intuition radar was just blaring from the get go but when he throws his arms around me or does that really weird "intimate-type" arm-touch...in front of her...she says it's just because he's drunk, but I could tell she felt a little ways about it.

Also, having been drunk to the point where balance was a feat (once, a long time ago, and NEVER, EVER again) I can say that being drunk is no excuse for that. Even at my worst, I was still pushing guys away like "no, get away from me, I'm not going home with you, nice try, though." And he wasn't even that far gone. So as far as I'm concerned, he had it in his mind to be a touchy feely jerk-wad from the start. As I said I talked to her about it, she says it's just because he's "drunk." I don't know how to get through to her. She only tends to see the best in people which is a beautiful quality that I love about her but sometimes...it's just not a good call. What should I do?

Answer 1

Talk to her privately about your concerns.  If she won't take your advice, she'll have to learn from experience.  Some people won't take a hint or advice, even when it would be for the best.

Answer 2

If it were only the lip-l*****g thing, I would pass that off as nervousness or a weird quirk that you were making something out of nothing. But then you've got the other stuff too, and the intuition thing.  It's possible that

1) He's a touch-feely person anyway: a female friend of mine puts her hands on people's backs, runs her hands through hair etc. of both genders and she's straight as an arrow

2) He's really flirty - I've got a guy friend like that.  He's a good person and he'd never cheat, but he's touchy-feely and flirty - it's his nature.

3) He's after anythign that moves and has certain body parts

At any rate, when you guys are hanging out sober, I'd step away from him as you're talking to him and see if he steps closer.  I remember one incidence with a guy who kept leaning closer and closer.  I think after 15 minutes we were literally halfway down the hallway.  Not cool.  Some guys don't get it :-(  I'd also recommend flinching when he touches you and saying, "I'm not big on touch, sorry"  If he keeps doing it, tell him again.  If he responds with something flippant and rude like, "i want to desensitize you/that's somethign we can work on."  Say, "It's non-debateable!"  If he does it again, I would definitely tell your friend (if she doesn't witness it) that he's at best not very respectable.

Answer 3

Tell him that you will pound the S**t out of him the next time he touches you.  Don't bother saying anything to your friend because she will just get mad at you because she doesn't want to see what he's doing.  If she's mad at you she won't be able to talk to you about it when she finally realizes the guy is an idiot.  As long as he keeps his hands off you she won't have anything to be angry with you about in the future.

Answer 4

Someone like that could turn out to be very dangerous so please keep your high alert on.

Answer 5

Go to Red Alert, and set your Phasers to "stun"! This guy is dangerous. He doesn't really respect any physical or emotional boundaries when he is sober, and he uses his drinking to "loosen up" any inhibitions he DOES have. He might not even be that drunk, just ACTING like it to get an excuse for his behavior out of "his" girlfriend.

This guy is bad news. He sounds like a rapist in the makings. Try googling articles on "date rape", and see what kind of behaviour you find in the perps. You may find it alarmingly familiar! Share what you find with your friend.

Always trust your gut intuition.

Also, try putting them in situations together where alcohol is NOT available, and see how he acts with other women.

Oh, and don't be afraid to yell "Get your #$%^#$% hands off of me, you #$%#$#!! " after one warning. I don't usually promote profanity, but it may be the only language this creep understands. Be smart, and be safe! Don't EVER be alone with this nasty creep!

Answer 6

Being drunk is never a good excuse for inappropriate behavior.  Tell him before he starts drinking that you find his touching out of line and let her know that only she can draw the line with this character.  Anything less is viewed as encouragement by someone who has no clue.  You don't want the guy to start stalking her or worse, do you?

Answer 7

You have already mentioned it to her.  The rest is her decision.  I would not continue to bring it up; it will only cause friendship problems.