How do you deal with an overly touchy feely guy...?

Question

...who goes out with your best friend? It was the first time I met the guy and before we were even acquainted 3 hours, he's l*****g his lips when he talks to me. Next after he gets some liquor in him I notice the touchy feely-ness with a couple other girls but he seems persistent with me. My intuition radar was just blaring from the get go but when he throws his arms around me or does that really weird "intimate-type" arm-touch...in front of her...she says it's just because he's drunk, but I could tell she felt a little ways about it.

Also, having been drunk to the point where balance was a feat (once, a long time ago, and NEVER, EVER again) I can say that being drunk is no excuse for that. Even at my worst, I was still pushing guys away like "no, get away from me, I'm not going home with you, nice try, though." And he wasn't even that far gone. So as far as I'm concerned, he had it in his mind to be a touchy feely jerk-wad from the start. As I said I talked to her about it, she says it's just because he's "drunk." I don't know how to get through to her. She only tends to see the best in people which is a beautiful quality that I love about her but sometimes...it's just not a good call. What should I do?

Answer 1

Tell her that he was doing this before he started drinking and it made you feel really uncomfortable. She should know that you wouldn't make this up.

Answer 2

Firstly give him a chance. As you can't extrapolate your experiences when drunk to other people, it depends on your personality traits. People respond differently to alcohol. For example, you can't say that just because alcohol didn't make you violent that there's no link between alcohol and violence. Also, some people are more into contact than others, and in a friendly way. It's a bit like indivual variation in personal space. So it is still possible you misinterpreted. You owe it to your friend to give him a few chances.

If it turns out you were right at first, then you can't make up your friends mind for her. Tell her your uncomfortable, don't make an unltimatum. Be supportive so she doesn't feel it's a point of pride to stay with him (i.e. so she doesn't worry ablout you saying or thinking "I told you so"), and make arrangements to see her without him being there in future.

Answer 3

She's going to stick up for him because she's blinded by infatuation. In fact, if you keep persisting that he's showing you too much attention, she may just turn it around on you and start blaming you for flirting with her man.  Solution: Go right to the source. Tell HIM how it creeps you out that he's so "hands on" with her friends. That it's never appropriate to grope one's girlfriend's friends and that if he continues to put his hands on other women while he's dating your friend, there will be consequences. Then, you get creative! It's really good that you're sticking up for your friend. Just make sure that your motivations are pure! Good luck

Answer 4

I'm a guy, so I've never experienced anything of the sort, but I encourage you to allow secular law to intervene if you feel that your safety is endangered.  In most Western countries, the use of (at least) justifiable force, even if lethal, is acceptable when you feel that your life is in danger.  Obtaining a legal permit for a pistol and obtaining adequate training in the safe use of this weapon for self-defense is advised.

Answer 5

Who says he was a jerk, you?

Answer 6

The next time he tries something like that, just tell him that you don't like it and to back off, and if he persists, smack him round the head.

Answer 7

Tasers