How do you deal with brother-in-law plus 3 kids staying with you ...?

Question

They showed up 2 nights ago, their mother is in jail the father really doesn't know the 6 months old eating habits didn't know her diaper size had her in size four what his 3 year old wears when she needs to be in size 2. Their mother is in jail failed a drug test.

Not that I keep my house spotless but the day before he arrived we did do deep cleaning so last night before I went to bed I had to clean up the mess of all 5 children made, put all the dirty dishes in the sink, and put all dirty clothes in front of the washer.

My question is how do we help them (get up of my house asap) I don't know how much money my BIL has but he wants us to fix our other car so he can use it. Why not see about what ever money he has to help with living expenses and buying a car for himself.

Answer 1

You have to be the drill sargent here and set some ground rules.  I shudder to imagine what would become of those children if left to his devices!

So set them all down (all, even the younger ones, obviously not the baby) and make it VERY clear that that they will be welcome to stay as long as they follow your rules to the letter.  

Letter A:  Clean up after yourselves.  There is no laundry fairy nor dish fairy.  They can earn their keep by doing ALL of the dishes and sweeping/ vacuuming.  You are obviously doing more than your share of work having so many people in the house, so dishes will be done after every meal and will not sit in the sink any longer than that. Floors cleaned daily.  That many people make track a lot of dirt.

Letter B:  No new activity will be started until the last activity has been cleaned up.  Kids will clean up after themselves or their dad will do it.  If it is not done, they will be invited to leave or if you have to clean it up, you clean things right into the trash can (harsh, but I do that with my own kids.  It works).

Letter C:  In no way will you make yourself financially responsible for them.  Even if you are filthy rich, he is a grown man and the head of his own family.  He is to provide for his children, including any babysitting and certainly in regards to his own transportation.  (What kind of a loser demands your car?).

Letter D:  You are not his babysitter.  Your time is already dealt out in your own responsibilities and you will not be imposed upon. If he needs occasional help he can plan it with you 24 hours in advance.  You will see if your schedule allows.

Letter E:  Laundry machines are available on X day at X time.  No laundry will sit in the machines.  Clothes will be promptly put away.

I hope this helps.  You're a saint for taking them in.  Those kids need you.  Hang in there.

Answer 2

This man is a leach. Give him a deadline and nothing else.  If he doesn't rise to the occasion, call social services. The kids will be safer in someone else's care than his. Oh, and your sister brought this on herself, so no sympathy there. If irresponsible people are ever going to grow up, responsible people need to stop bailing them out.

Answer 3

Sometimes I get exasperated in knowing about Parents that do not take into consideration of the kids they have, just of their own pleasures. This guy, as it was mention prior my answer said he is a leach, and he is right, he wants you to take care of the children, so that way he does not have to do anything for them.

The ones who are going to be hurt are the kids, but look at what their Mother did, not taking into consideration what would happen to them if this or something else had happened to her.

if I were you I would not let him fix the other car you have, what if when it is fixed he will leave, and you will be the one that has to care for the Children? I know that it sounds Heartless when I tell you to call the Child protective services, I hope that they will be able to place this children in good foster Homes, which I doubt it because sometimes the People who take care of kids sometimes are worse than the Parents.

I feel sorry for the Children, I am a Mother,of Seven kids all Married, and a Grandmother to seventeen Grand-kids, and a Great-granddaughter, whom I adore and have taken care of all of them, but in today's economy it is hard taking care of a lot of Kids. I feel for you but I guess it has to be your decision on what you want to do.

Answer 4

First and foremost, sit down and tell him the house rules and what will be expected of him while he stays there. His pitching in on the cleaning and laundry, yard work and whatever else there is to do. He also needs to contribute to the household budget too. I would not use your own money to fix the car, tell him if he wants it, he will have to pay for whatever repairs are needed and then sell it to him (that is if you have no plans for it.) He hopefully is working too, if not, tell him that he has such and such time to find a full time job and that he is NOT going to free load off of you. he needs to get back onto his feet, learn what his kids needs are and step up to the plate and be a dad. They need him more than he knows right now. You can start by teaching him what young children need and don't need food wise, discipline wise education wise etc.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

try to talk to him and tell him what u really feel . its better to tell him at once. if u prolong it u will also prolong ur problem so deal with it at once. i know u pity the children but be honest if u really cant take them then tell him .