How do you deal with cheaters ?

Question

My soon to be ex cheated with a woman who was a neighbor and a friend of mine ( or so I thought ). She was married too. I don't understand the attraction. She had 100 lbs on me easily, unattractive, had let herself go, complete drama queen, and has 4 small kids. He had everything he wanted at home... kids, a wife that had always done anything he asked of her, never asked him for help with the kids or the house, financially supported him... could someone tell me just exactly why he was stupid enough to throw away his family for her ( and once I ended the marriage, she dumped him too )? Is it a mental defect with the male species or is it just him?

Just for the record, I have found myself happy that he is out of my life, getting out and experiencing life instead of waiting to have a free moment to myself to go to the grocery store. I surround myself with friends that make me feel good and that encourage me to do accomplish my goals.

P.S. The affair started while I was out of town while a close family member was dying. I stayed until after the funeral, finding out later that he had used the money I had saved for our kids christmas gifts to take this girl to a concert and out to fancy restaurants. While he was supposed to be there with me ( claimed that he couldn't get any time off work. ).

Answer 1

Hate to tell you this but it sounds like your ex needed to be needed.

Answer 2

You don't! Move on, its his problem not yours!  

Answer 3

Hunny you dont DEAL with this! You handle it! And the best way to handle it DIVORSE!

Answer 4

Not all men are idiots! He doesn't have a mental issue.....he's just a jack a$$.......move on and forget him. Like you said, you're surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel good and that encourage you to  accomplish your own goals; it's as simple as that.

Answer 5

cheat back

Answer 6

Avoid them.

Break up with them.

Answer 7

Kick there ***

Answer 8

You just have to let them go -- cheaters aren't worth anything.  What they take away from your life you'll never get back.  He took advantage of you because you gave him everything.  I'm glad that you're learning how to have fun again!  

Answer 9

Since you mention that you and him have kids and that you always do what he said, he probably find you boring and wants some exciment in his life.

Answer 10

People tend to cheat because they are either insecure, bored, and know they can get away with it.  Even if this woman was unattractive, guys like the thrill if knowing that they could possibly have something that may seem to them as unattainable.  I don't think it's all guys in general, it just depends on the person..although a lot of guys are like that in my experience. It's good not to dwell on the situation, and that you have people to hang out with and support you!  

Answer 11

Wow! What a dirty deal these two handed you. Sweetie I don't know why some men act out the way they do when they have it all? Some have some very personal issues that have more to do with them that it ever does about you. Your neighbor may have had 4 kids and a husband but has no morals when it comes to the value of a friendship and stabbing her own marriage in the back. You did not deserve that and it's good that you do have good friends and family to surround you. I know exactlly how you feel because in my first marriage my ex and a neighbor done the same thing to me. I left that marriage to and moved on in my life and am now remarried to a wonderful man. This incident happended to me 20 years ago and to this very day I am not very friendly to my neihbors. I know I shouldn't be that way but I am friendly and say hi and bye when I see them but this is just me although it may be from the problem from being to open and trusting from the neighbor that came from h**l in the past. I have no choice who moves in next door to me in my neighborhood but I do have the choice to not let them get that close to me if I don't want to. I have my own personal lifetime friends to associate with and my family to and I don't want the stress of  the neighbors personal life or them over here helping to s***w up my life with their issues. I really am sorry this happened to you to but personally I don't think all men are like this... your ex just had some deep serious issues of his own with a little help from an ignorant neighbor that only thought about herself.

Answer 12

kick them off the server or tell an admin.

Answer 13

guys usually r confused. when they have somthing good they s***w it up with sumone else. no one knows exactly y....but ur single. go out take the child support n live life. he seems he seeking for sumthing new. hhe probally just enjoys something different . he sounds lyk a confused immature w***e hahahaha jk

Answer 14

Let him go. He doesn't deserve your attention & care.

Answer 15

She made him feel like a MAN

You made him feel like a BOY with this: never asked him for help with the kids or the house, financially supported him.

Answer 16

Don't lose faith in men, not all of them are like that! I mean all men think about, look at and fantasize about other women but there are men who won't cross the line of betrayal.

As far as why he would have cheated with that particular girl, it's convenience, plain and simple. Men who cheat often cheat with someone less attractive than their partners. There are a lot of reasons for this but I would suspect the biggest one is that those women have less self esteem and respect for themselves, therefore they are easier to bed. Also, men crave variety so it's not about getting something better, it's about getting something new.

A good man will contain that desire to fantasies.

Answer 17

His loss and your gain.  You did the right thing. This 'defect' you speak about is inherent in all our lives. A need for sexual gratification. How you control it depends upon your values. Your ex did not control it or his emotions and lost a family.

Move on with your life and enjoy it without him. You should meet many available men and not worry about cheating on a spouse. Go out have fun and collect the support for your children.  Best regards.

Answer 18

Well you asked "How to deal with them" it sounds like you dealt with your situation exactly the way you needed to !

Your question IS ...WHY would he do this to you after everything you have given him.

That my dear is a question only he can answer ? Not one of us here has it for you !!

Don't however assume that because you are "doing" for someone that their needs are being met.

Based on what you wrote.. You provided, you took care of the children, he didn't have to DO anything.

What role did HE play in this relationship? I am just curious because he should help with the kids he should help support the family he should help with the upkeep of your home .. That is what makes a FAMILY... it's a team effort :-)

Just some observation based on what you wrote...

Sounds like Either he was checked out on purpose or you took over and he wasn't even part of the picture.

Good luck to you and your children,, Remember to keep them first , happy and healthy !!

Answer 19

leave Him

Answer 20

Move on with your life.

Answer 21

Camera,

I have been faithful to the same wonderful woman since I met her.  We married in 1975 and I would never consider doing such a nasty thing at any time.  I think it is a mental defect in some people.  He does not deserve such a wonderful woman as yourself.  Do not allow him back in your house for any reason!  Find a good loving man if you must and check him out thoroughly.  I am sorry for your trouble.  Have a good weekend.

Thanks,

Eds

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Answer 22

He sounds like a right t**t. Not all guys do that, some guys are just *****. Unlucky :/

Its good you're enjoying your new life though, he might come back begging for forgiveness though, just a warning. Don't know if you'll want to give him another chance

Answer 23

dont be weak.

shut him out of your life for good.

you shouldn't have even given him a chance to explain.

move on with your life.

dont waste in on pathetic little boys who havent matured yet

Answer 24

How to deal with cheaters????

um.. you dump them!! hello

Answer 25

just completely erase him from your memory, speaking about such a useless human being is not even worth your time no matter what.

Answer 26

it seems to me you already dealt with it.  unless you want to reconcile with this guy, there is nothing else you have to do.  enjoy you new status and don't expect all men to fit your ex's profile.  one thing though...don't be so giving and supportive to your next mate should you remarry.  ask for and expect help with the house, kids and any support you need to fulfill your dreams.  i can't tell you why he cheated with those women.  it was never a contest between you and them.  size, hygiene and personality had nothing to do with it.  i think his personal pathology and values is what caused him to cheat.  maybe one woman will never be enough for him.  take heart in the knowledge that whoever gets him, will eventually realize that: " if he cheats with them, he will cheat on them".      

Answer 27

sounds like a selfish jerk! you needed to recognize that long b4 the affair. anyone who doesnt pay attention to you in the 1st place isnt worth worrying about.

Answer 28

make him jealous  

Answer 29

FORGIVE AND FORGET. Don't do the whole revenge thing its not right. Also I think males do have some problems mentally. Just don't go back to him.  

Answer 30

Buy a gun.  Seriously, buy a gun and tell him it is to keep the house safer.  Of course I'm not implying that you use violence of any sort, but it'll make him think twice about cheating again.