How do you deal with loving a person who has a completely opposite viewpoint politically?

Question

My little brother and I have always had fun sparing about politics. His wife became involved too and she is even more staunch republican than he is. For the most part a friendly jab or two within limits is all we ever say or do. However, I just received and email from my former MIL that I found very disterbing. It was crude and racist. I could not believe she would send it to me. I am not sure if she has any idea I am a democrat. I have always tolerated her emails because I still have strong feelings for her. I respect her and she has been very kind to me and the fact that she still emails me after my divorce speaks volumes. BUT OMG this was a terrible thing to send. She is a Christian. I mean I thought she was but this is terrible. How would you handle this?

Answer 1

I had a friend who used to do this kind of thing.  I ignored the emails.  I didn't respond.  Then, I got an email I found extremely offensive.  I replied with his text intact and I asked him if he really thought I was stupid enough to believe the obvious lies he was choosing to forward.   I provided concrete evidence from respected news sources for my positions.  "Don't send me any more of this nonsense,"  I told him.  I haven't heard anything from him since that time. I don't miss him.

I don't know if you'd want to be that blunt with your mother-in-law.  But maybe you could let her know that when it comes to politics, you'll have to agree to disagree.    

Answer 2

You said it best yourself.  

What you wrote "was crude and racist. ....   I have always tolerated your emails because I still have strong feelings for you. I respect you and you have been very kind to me and the fact that you still email me after my divorce speaks volumes.   I have no desire to change you.   I believe in live and let live.   Just please don't send racist emails to me.   Thank you.   I love you."

______________

No need to counterattack.   Your intolerance of her intolerance will speak volumes.

Answer 3

Simple,,stay away from THIS subject with THIS person,,

Answer 4

I would reply back and ask her politely to not send you any more emails because you believe differently. If she has any respect she will apologize and not send anything else.  

Answer 5

(Last time I did this, it led to an ugly argument, but I'll do it again.)

When someone sends you a politically charged email that smells like bs--you reply to all, telling why it's c**p and asking for a little fact-checking before circulating that kind of garbage.  

Answer 6

Hi, Mom.  Got your email, and you know that I love hearing from you.  However,  I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't send me any more like it.  It's not really my taste.  (Then add some chatty stuff that the two of you would normally talk about.)

Sometimes people don't even realize how offensive the things that they send are until someone points it out to them.  I think it might be especially true of folks who don't keep up with the latest slang terms and cultural terminology.  If this type of email is not typical of her, then this could be the case with her.

Answer 7

Usually it's best to avoid two subjects, politics and religion.  They just cause trouble. I stay away from them and don't discuss them.  Let her know in a return email, that while you value your relationship, you don't appreciate those kind of emails. Regardless of what your beliefs are or hers, that was rude and inappropriate. You can always delete the email.  

Answer 8

I am a Democrat and I get some really tacky emails from Republican relatives.  I just delete them.  Good luck with your relative.  Most of the time politics is a good subject to avoid.

Answer 9

I would tell her you respect her as a person and a christian, but some of her beliefs are not yours. . .they go against what the definition of a Christian is . . .tell her everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but please do not send any more emails of that nature . . .otherwise, wait till after the election to write . . . .

Answer 10

If you're out in this world to completely change the person to your beliefs to mold him or her into your ideal. Then get your self a slave, love the person for who they are, we are all different so will have different views on most things. Bad world if we all thought the same. Whether for good or bad.

Answer 11

I'm a democrat and I have one sister who is a conservative christian republican, and they other is a liberal, atheist democrat. Their husbands are even more extrem than they are.

We agree to disagree, and don't discuss politics.

I think with politics, religion, etc. everyone's entitled to their own beliefs, but need to respect others opinions and not force their own on them. That's what this country's all about freedom.

When it comes to issues of racism or discrimination of any type, that's not a reflection of their politcal party but ignorance.

You have to tell her you don't appreciate those kind of emails, no matter how close family or freinds may be, you shouldn't tolerate this!

Answer 12

I think this goes beyond your friend being a Republican. Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, white or black don't let your political views (or hers for that matter) "overshadow" what is right or wrong in general. If she is a racists it has nothing to do with her being a "God" fearing, conservative, Republican. Those are just labels. I am a Republican, and I am going to vote for MCCain/Palin. Classic Racist?  With those labels, I must be. However, I don't think holding a bias (i.e., in my case "Goldwater Conservative" values) necessarily equates to racism. You might be surprised to know what those values mean. For example, I don't agree with Palin on some issues. Do you think every single one of Hillary's supporters are pro-choice? Most are, but not all. Life, and politics does not work like that.

King's "the content of their character . . .not the color of their skin" actually means something to me.

I am not saying racism does not exist, I know it does, in both parties, I am just saying attributing them to a whole group as their only motivation is naive. It's an easy and "non-thinking" argument to make.

I'll give some examples, if 90% or more of black people vote for Obama that proves they are racist or, all or most white people are racists, how many black presidents/vice presidents have there been? Both of those statements reflect "a truth" about our society but do not tell "the truth" of our society or it's people.

As a white person I can give you one real example of why a black vote for Obama is not racist or why my (a white vote) vote for McCain is not racist. I think Clarence Thomas is one of the great jurist of our time, and should be on the Supreme Court, many if not most black people would disagree. Do we differ because we are racists or have different and perhaps bias points of view?

Or "just because" you're (fill in label here). The "just because" however is tricky. It's usually "just because" he/she is just like me and "we" have a "shared experience." Or I am comfortable with "a person like me" or "it's about time." Or we have a set of shared values, history, economic status, etc. The most 'altruistic person' in the world still has a set of biases to contend with, recognized or not. Maybe this does not fit your friend or other Republicans you know, but labeling someone racist may not be accurate. Sounds like your friend may be.

Your additional details. The "struggle" you are in is not new. I have had family and former friends that I have dealt with regarding the issue of "racism" and many other "isms". I won't tolerate racists remarks, I did not tolerate it around my children, and I won't tolerate it now. If I see a racists act taking place I have not and will not stand by and see it happen regardless of the consequences. Tell her exactly what you think and let the chips fall where they may. The outcome will probably be: she won't change and you will lose her friendship.  That's life.

Answer 13

I don't do debates on religion or politics. To me both are private opinions of how I feel about each. If someone starts talking about either one to me, I tell them    that my opinion is private about that subject. If they persist I walk away.    Poppy  

Answer 14

enjoy the differences! respect their viewpoint..you can ask her not to send racist material you find it offensive if she can't understand that, then it's on her...