How do you deal with nosy in laws?

Question

We have a situation here that I need advice on. I have been married 4 years to the most wonderful man, but his parents are unreal. They are always in our business... and while I know they always will be because my husband is their son, they really do cross the line. They have called me telling me that I should let my husband look at all the p**n he wants for example.

Well yesterday... I hit my limit. It seems that some of our mail got delivered to them by mistake. They called us to come and get it, but we could not leave right then and my husband was headed out to work. Well, apparently they didn't like that because they OPENED our mail and then called us to harass us about it.

I went to get our mail, because my husband wasn't available, and I asked them to not open our mail again like that. I told them that it really did cross a line, and it wasn't right. My father in law started to make sarcastic comments to me - about how its HIS house, and how I could go ahead and have him arrested. I just left.

The thing is, my father in law has never treated me with any thing approaching respect. I have put up with this for my husbands sake. It is his family after all. But opening my mail is uncalled for, and they should KNOW they did something wrong, but his sarcastic remarks showed me that not only is he NOT sorry for violating our privacy, but that he has NO respect for me as his son's wife whatsoever.

So how do we deal with this? My husband is planning to sit down with the two of them and explain what boundaries we need. But at the same time, how do I deal with his father, who treats me like a dog in every situation we are in together? My husband does plan to address this, but his father is spiteful and cruel and I know it won't stop. So how do I have a marriage like this?

Any advice would be great... Thank you.

Answer 1

get a P O Box, and have all your mail forwarded there, I had a similar situation with my parents opening up all my mail, its against the law, and they get bent out of shape, there is nothing you can do about their immaturity.  And next time DO NOT go alone to their home, let your husband pick it up. dont put yourself alone in this situation. It makes it worse.  

Answer 2

treat them cordially without emotion.  don't share any personal information with them.  also - tell your husband that he is a married man, which means his wife comes first and not his parents.  if he wants to run back to mommy and daddy with every problem he think he has with or without you, he can go back home to live with mommy and daddy.

good luck.

Answer 3

boy, I would be livid too!

since I am in a good mood at the moment, I would suggest you really give them something to gossip and be nosy about!!!  Really get them going...!  

then go home and have a good laugh...  =)

Yes, hubby needs to address this situation immediately, before it gets worse =(...

Good Luck!

if worse comes to worse, don't allow them over anymore...  until they can act like adults that can respect you!

Mary

really?  even if delivered in error people can open the stuff?  how horribly wrong...my God...

makes you want to leave this country, lol!  sigh!  =(

ugh...  sorry to hear that, that ticks me off!

Answer 4

I can totally relate!! I am actually super stressed out about some things going on with them right now! Would you want to chat?  

Answer 5

Suggestions:

Let your husband handle all of the problems. It is his job.

Love your enemies concept:  Invite FIL to lunch, (meet at the cafe) just the two of you and you pay and compliment him on something like his good taste or raising a fine son , etc. say "I apologize for any hurt I've caused you in the past and I really would like our relationship to be good and respectful towards each other. I love you and MIL"  Charm him with all the goodness you can, then leave.

Same for MIL - in fact you may want to invite her first - maybe to a cute tea house.

If possible, move a little further away from them when opportunity comes.

Spend less time with them if it doesn't change - like a couple of hours on Christmas and imperative family functions.

Act happy to see them.  Someday they will be gone.

Joy to you!

Answer 6

Get a post office box and move away from them that is the only way you will have peace and have a unlisted number been there and done that I had to threaten my husband if he didn't move us I was going to leave him with his mother and it worked and I was serious as h**l

Answer 7

Talk more to your husband let him know how you really feel and have him back you 110% no 200% because they're actions is starting problems in your marriage. But if they keep doing this just keep your distant from them and rthey will noticed what they have done

Answer 8

Simple answer M O V E so you won't have to see them so much and the can't get your mail!

Answer 9

My parents do that with me, it's ridiculous. but there is no changing them

Answer 10

You need to call the police since opening someones mail is against the law. At least print out the statement which says what the penalty is and say that should they open mail again, you will report them. You need to cut off all contact with them. Your husbands talking to them will do no good except make him grow up a bit. So that's good that he will talk to them but don't expect them to change at all. You might consider moving. They had too much input on your life already and could cause a divorce if you do not cocoon yourselves away from them. Don't answer their phone calls ( let the message be taken) change the door locks if necessary. Let your husband deal if he wants but trust me, you are in big trouble if either of you continue a relationship with them. Maybe with a 2 year time out from contact they may change but I highly doubt it. sorry