How do you deal with parents that don't know their child has a disability?

Question

My bf's younger sister (19yrsold) has been in special education since she was in the 2nd grade. Recently I found out that the parents do not know that their daughter is special needs. I don't see how this is possible since they see her IEP and she is on a 4th grade level in school. They yell at her sometimes for things I think are because of her intellectual disability. Her father just thinks she's not smart. Her mother is kind of slow. Let's just say she's not the brightest crayon in the box. How do you deal with this? I really don't think it's denial either. Do education workers and such just keep everything on the downlow because they don't want to scare/disappoint the parents? Cause look now, the parents have no clue. Therefore, ever since she was young, the special help was absent when it was most critical. Oh and another problem is how do I tell the sister to not make fun of people with intellectual disabilities? She calls them retarded and laughs at them... help?

Answer 1

If she has a low IQ then it is very sad that her parents don't just accept that and treat her with respect. Obviously they know she has a disability but they don't respect her as a person. There isn't a lot you can do to help people like that. Try nurturing your boyfriend's younger sister. Maybe you can heal some of the damage they have done to her.

Answer 2

I think everyone has covered the subject of what you can do rather extensively already.  I want to address the situation with your "friend."  

First of all, why is a sensitive,caring person like you hanging around with someone who behaves in that manner?  If she is really your friend, she will have enough respect for you to stop it.

Second, make her understand that words do hurt.  This young lady is not deaf.  If she is functioning at a fourth grade level, she undertands very well when she is treated different and made fun of.  Both of you recognized that when you were in fourth grade, right?

Finally, here is a fact that most people do not think about.  "The Disabled" is the only minority anyone can join at any time.  It has nothing to do with race, ethnicity, religion, income level, education level, intellect, gender, or nationality.

She could leave your home and end up in an accident which would take away her eyesight.  Would that make her less of a person?  Of course not.  She needs to know, understand, and remember that when she opens her mouth.  If she cannot, I suggest you find some more sophistocated and mature friends.

Answer 3

Stop trying to control everyone in this situation. It will drive you batty!

Answer 4

Chances are they do know she has difficulties because this would be discussed when they first set up the IEPS and at her reviews-could be that they just do not acknowledge it and think the school will deal with it all.  IT is sad because it she was better stimulated at home she could be gaining confidence and developing further.

Unfortunately there's not much you can do without risking a huge family break up...just be there for her, talk to her, play with her etc. Maybe speak to your bf and see what he thinks...maybe he feels same as you and the two of you can take her out places, maybe he can talk to his parents?

Answer 5

its great that you want to help sweety but some poeple are just to hard headed that you tell them something it will go in one ear and out the other. but if you really want to help you know that you can talk to the teachers your self and let them know that they need to have a meeting with your bf parents about his sis. it wont hurt to try. just don't get them in trouble just let them know what is the easiest way to get her parents involve with her school work . and about your friend let her know that she needs to stop with  all that making fun of them kids cause she may never know when she has kids she might have a special needs child her self since her mother and sister are slow.