How do you deal with people who "live in the past"?

Question

I've been back from college for a couple months. I'm happy because I get to see a lot of my friends that I missed because we only saw each other either on summer vacation or Christmas break.

But then you run into people (like my 3 month HS ex) who insist on reverting back to that old way of treating me. I just got out of a very disrespectful relationship about 20 times as long as the one we 'had' and I notice a lot of parallels. He invades my personal space, sticks his hands in my face, pokes me, and is just all around rude and annoying. I can't believe I even put up with the guy, but I was a very different person when I was *17*!!! Every other sentence starts with "remember when," or when I or someone says something about it he's like "no I know her, she says to stop but deep down she likes it." Or something to the effect of "I know her better than you OR she does because we have a 'connection,' having gone out for 3 months in high school 5 years ago."

I've kicked him, I've cursed at him, etc. he just doesn't take a hint. And it's not like I call him or anything--he just happens to be at all the 'friendly' functions I go to. What is up with him? And others like him because I feel like I get this sort of thing from a bunch of people (mainly guys) now that I'm back.

Answer 1

Tell him to go th heck on...your not interested.

Do you really want or need this guy as a friend?  

Answer 2

Well, what's interesting here is that you comment you just got out of a long relationship which contained all the elements of this short HS relationship (except worse).

Does that suggest to you that you are, for some reason, still picking the same 'type' of guy, and that is why you are getting stuck with fools who are disrespectful, have no idea of personal boundaries and who behave like large, ill disciplined children?

Some assertiveness training may help you find a polite, but firm way to tell these types how to get lost, but you may also want to think about just why you are picking the same sort of man with the same sort of results, over and again.

Counselling may assist you to figure this out, after which you might very well feel much more confident and able to deal with the intrusive attentions of these immature blokes.

Cheers :-)

Answer 3

There is no better way to tell someone they are shitting you than "to tell someone they are shitting you." Don't mince words, don't fake it if your sick of it say it. Otherwise how are people to know? People aren't mind readers, say "dude you need to grow up, or get the **** away from me" it's that simple.

People sometimes need a sharp shock to get their minds working; give him one. He needs to hear it, because if he doesn't then he is going to continue being a complete laughable joke.  

Answer 4

Keep them in the past.

Answer 5

Some people forget to grow up with the rest of us.  

Sounds like you need to just be upfront and tell him to BACK OFF you're not interested GO AWAY.  Are the people that are inviting him to these friendly functions inviting him because they are the same as him or out of pitty and you have just out grown them all?

Answer 6

Avoiding people and ending conversation is not all that hard.

"Excuse me." usually works.

Why are you engaging people in their dramas?

Take responsibility.

Answer 7

I buy them an Orange and a Lump of Coal at christmas...........

They love it.