How do you deal with pushy moms?

Question

My hubby's SIL she is younger then me and has a daughter that is 17 months. The girl is very opinionated,loud and out spoken. Most of the time I don't think she means to offend but just says whatever she thinks. She is also 6 foot 5 inches tall and no body ever stands up to her. She literally treats her husband like scum and orders him around. But he does whatever she says. I guess I like her other then the fact that we clash sometimes. We were all out the other day at my house in the barn looking at the horses and letting her 17 month old and my two year son run around and play. My son kept trying to pick up some mud and probably horse p**p. IDK but it didn't bother me. He's a boy and I wash his hands after he plays. We live in the country and our kids are farm kids. She is from the city. I don't know if that makes a difference but she told my son "no stay out of it." Of course since he barley knows her he ignored her. She walked over to him picked him up an dsat him in a chair and told him he was in time out. I was kind of in shock and didn't know what to say. Then when he got off of the chair she started to scold him again. I told her to back off and they got upset and left. Now my hubbys brother is angry with me and wants me to apoligize to her. I of course refuse and don't think she deserves it. My hubby and I are kind of fighting now. I am upset with him for not defending me. Am I in the wrong? What should I do? I am pretty stuuborn and do not think that I did any thing wrong. She has no right disiplining my children when I am there and don't think they deserve it. We were at my house. I am so mad I don't care if I see her again but they are family.

Answer 1

No you're not wrong- she is. She has no right to do that to your child and I'd have told her off if it had been my kid.  It's not her place to discipline someone else's child and she seriously overstepped her boundaries- BIGTIME.  

Your husband is also wrong for not standing with you, his wife.  He should be backing you up, not undermining you this way.

When she stepped in you should have told her "get your hands off my kid now, it's not your place to do anything like that." I would have taken my child and reassured him and sent him inside to wash his hands. Then I would have told her matter of fact it is YOUR home and YOUR child and she will either respect that and mind her own business when there and not step in to correct your children or she can leave.  I'd also teach your children that they don't ever have the right to be rude but that she can not discipline them or do that to them and if she ever tries it again they need to come tell you right away or start screaming for you.  If she ever gets mean with them by trying to strike them I'd call and report her to someone and have her removed from my property in the back of a cop car- family or not.

Answer 2

Your so not wrong! Your husband the ones thats wrong. I mean of course he can stand it because its his brother wife, but i don't care. I have the same issue my boyfriend SIL is a total B  itch and a hypocrite! She even broke me and him up for a while, because she was causing so much bs with the family and me! She the exact same way, and no one likes her! I mean no one, but explain to your husband that. You don't scold her kids for doing things that are bad. So why should he scold yours.

Answer 3

You shouldn't have to apologize to anyone because you are the one someone should be apologizing to.

She should not have laid a hand on your child and if I were you I would have knocked her off her *** for treating my child like that especially right in front of me.

No one has the right to do that and you need to make it clear to your hubby exactly where his loyalties lie and that is with you and his child.

If he isn't going to side with you especially over something like this then maybe he needs to pack his bags and move the h**l out and go live with her.

Apologize for nothing because you don't owe anyone anything in fact I'd demand she say sorry to your little boy because he's the one she man handled in the first place.

If she doesn't say sorry then so be it and the next time she calls wanting to come over just tell her that you have better things to do than spend time with her.

Case dismissed.

Answer 4

She has NO right to disciplin (sp) your child ESPECIALLY at your home!!!!  I would not apologize at all.  If anything she should apologize to you.  You wouldn't go to her house and give her child a time out would you??  If you want to smooth things over...just tell her that you respect the different rules that she has for her child at her house and you know that in the future she will have the same respect at your house.  Say it with a smile and over chocolate cake.  

Answer 5

"She has no right disiplining my children"-your words.

simple as this. you are not wrong,

Answer 6

You are 100 percent right and your husband should stand by you.

Your SIL overstepped an important boundary.  

You are not the problem.  If your SIL and her husband want to be angry at you, then that is their problem.  You were right to tell her to back off.  She was in the wrong and you called her on it.  She should just admit that she made a mistake.  Besides if you didn't call her on overstepping boundaries, what would she be doing next, spanking your child?

I can't believe she wants you to apologize.  The next time you talk to her, tell her that she should be apologizing to you for meddling, for her lack of respect toward you as your child's mother, and for inciting your husband to take her side.  Do not apologize for standing up for your child and your rights as his mother!

Answer 7

I think she was wrong to discipline your son, however a little nervous on the p**p thing, as those hands can quickly touch faces, mouths, etc.

Answer 8

She had no right to give your son a time out w/ out your permission, period.  Is it really safe though, for your son to be playing w/ p**p, even if you wash his hands immediately?  I'm not trying to be smart, I just don't know how healthy that is.  I can understand plain old dirt, I'm a pretty relaxed mom of 2, but p**p, well.....