How do you deal with someone like this?

Question

My parents always throw holiday parties for all of their grandchildren. The parties are specifically geared for kids. Such as water balloons, squirt guns and a pool for the fourth of july. Gingerbread house decorating, presents, and games for Christmas. 14 kids attend between the ages of 4-14. My SIL will literally counts what the kids get and gets irate if her children are not number 1. She will make sure her kids "win" the water balloon fights. If they dont she will yell at the other kids. Or even join in and help her kids pelt the others with balloons. It has gotten to the point of where none of the other kids even want to play with these 2. We have tried talking to her but she throws a tantrum and takes her kids home and uses them as weapons against my parents. We tried speaking to my brother about it but he just says shes being a B**** and ignores it while he plays with his neices and nephews. Meanwhile the kids are being swore at and literally hurt by her. Advice plz?

Answer 1

She sounds like a real "peach!" She needs to grow up! That said, I would just ignore her antics and quite honestly, I wouldn't invite her. I know that's not fair to her kids, so possibly tell her that her kids are invited, but she is not, so long as she continues to act like a sore loser. Tell her it really hurts the kids' feelings and you won't tolerate her behavior any longer. If she continues to complain and act spoiled, host some parties of your own and leave her off the list.

Answer 2

I say just not to invite her, or just have her kids go against her since they seem to be the only ones she cares about - maybe she'll listen to them. Hopefully the kids aren't as bratty as their mother.

Answer 3

Take the competitive games out of the party.  Or, make them games where everybody wins.  Come up with team games, where the team wins & make the teams big, encompassing a variety of children (make the choosing of teams random, so no one can stack a team in their favor).  

And, make a point of talking to all of the kids, throughout the games, about good sportsmanship.  In fact, you could have an award for the person who is the 'best sport'.  

It's not likely that you can change her or teach her anything.  But, you can accept her as an unchangeable obstacle that you need to deal with, so that the cousins can all have a nice party & build good relationships.

Answer 4

Talk about it with your parents first and explain your concerns. Then let them take care of it.

Answer 5

They should tell her it's for the kids not the parents.  Maybe they cangive the adults something to entertain themselves as well.

Answer 6

it sounds to me like your SIL is looking for something she may have missed as a child. wanting her kids to be 'no. 1' in everything is an insecurity of some type. maybe the adults in the family, maybe just you, can get her into a conversation to see if something is bothering her. possibly she was told to be 'better' at things growing up. your bro needs to step up to the plate and put her in her place. family gatherings should be a time of fun, but usually there is one, always one, that ruins it. this woman needs to understand that yelling at kids for being kids, assisting her kids in kid games is really not cool at all. i suggest a sort of 'intervention' on this. just all approach her - maybe she really doesn't understand what she is doing wrong.

Answer 7

squirt her the d**n hose!

Answer 8

SIL sounds really immature and really spoiled. It's just a game. It's not about her. It sounds like she needs to be the center of attention. This is a tough situation.

Options

1. Talking to the grandparents and expressing concern over SIL's behavior and the affect on the children.

2. Just not going or not participating in games or just letting it go. It is just a game. Good lesson for your kids perhaps in dealing with people that just don't follow the rules or normal code of behavior.  

3. Sit down with SIL alone and tell her what you see and how you feel it affects the kids. I would do so away from the party, at another time. Keep it emotionless. Don't be accusatory or judgmental. Keep it about the kids. It should be fun for all of them. It shouldn't really matter who wins or loses. It's meant to be fun. How important is it for any one kid to win??  If you have to cheat or bully your way to winning then what lesson is being taught??  Kids are sponges.

Answer 9

Talk to her, tell her if she doesn't stay out of the kids games

then her children will have to sit out the games as it is unfair

to all the others. Also your parents should be in on the talk.

Answer 10

She sounds abit uh..what do you all it "narcissistic." I suggest you simply do the party without her & unfortunately her kids, unless she agrees to stop her weird childish behaviour.

Answer 11

keep out of it.  only your parents can fix this situation

Answer 12

wow sounds like she has some issues that's really unfair i don't have any advice apart from not inviting them and tell her why she is not invited i feel sorry for Ur brother having to live with someone like