How do you deal with someone who just doesnt care?

Question

what is the best way to cope with someone you had deep feelings for and who completely led me up the garden path and who hs now just vanished out of my life and left me with a baby who he isnt interested in? he has moved on and does not support me or the baby in any way. im starting to feel very bitter about the situation i am in as he is going out, dating lots of women and forgot that we even existed. i was treated in a very bad way yet he sees no wrong in his behaviour and no remorse to what he has put me thru. our baby was plannned yet he now declares that he didnt really want one in the first place and its like he has put all the blame on me and accepts no responsibility. i am finding it very difficult to accept the situation i am in and that i am literally holding the baby and his life is just continuing like not a care in the world. please help ps we were engaged, living together etc and he is 36 im 31. he is divorced with a child who he regularly has yet shows no interest in my child.

Answer 1

get him to pay child support and move on and find another guy.  

Answer 2

Take him to court so he can at least make child support payments. There really isn't too much you can do but to keep you chin up and push on. I'm sorry that you got into a situation like this. Keep a positive outlook and you'll be happy again.  

Answer 3

You've got a real situation on your hands here.   This deadbeat seems to have forgotten that he has some legal and financial obligations to the child he fathered with you.  I'd go after him for that.  It makes no difference whether or not he wanted to have this child.  The fact is that he did not take measures to prevent pregnancy.  You should talk with an attorney about what your options are here.

Answer 4

I can understand that you feel bad about this situation and he used you badly.. but you have to think about yourself and about the baby now.. Don't ever let the baby feel it's not loved.. give your baby the love it will never get from it's dad. He is a guy who just walks out of relationships.. He got divorced and he moves on.. he used you and left you and has no interest and he could be made to pay alimony for the child.. child support.. as he is the father.. but he will never be a good father nor a good partner. You have to get over this guy. He only thinks about himself .. everytime. You have to first think about yourself and your little child which needs and loves you and which I hope you do love even if the dad did that to you.. left you alone with the responsibility of raising it.. bring this child up to become a better person than it's dad is.. teach it the right values in life and to be a great person.. a compassionate person and a great friend.. someone whom one can trust.. and you will be a proud mother one day.. and it will be thanks to your upbringing if your child turns out a nice kd you can be proud of...  then you have done a wonderful job and a hard job.. but one you can be proud about for yourself.. and it's never too late for you to find another partner.. there are also guys out there who do like women who have kids.. they don't mind if a woman has a child.. if a guy really loves you which can happen, then he will learn to love the child... so don't give up please.. There are also some decent men in this world.. and write the other one off... he is irresponsible.  you would not want to live with such a guy.. you are worth more and the child deserves a better dad..he is just a producer a father is someone who brings up a child

Answer 5

Get a lawyer and get child support for the child's sake.

Answer 6

Financially, do whatever it takes to get him to contribute toward the care of the kid.

Emotionally, move on - he owes you nothing now that the relationship is over.

If you want him to have contact with his kid make it possible for it to happen.

Answer 7

You contact the department of child support and family services and let them deal with it for you.

Answer 8

Jane I think it's time you put you and the Baby first.  Don't waste any more time on this man.  You need to get legal advice though.  If you are in UK then go to the C.A.B. you can find them on line.

You need to protect your security for you and your child now.  So don't waste any more time.

Answer 9

You need to discuss this with the Child Support authorities in your area. They can compel him to pay.

Answer 10

First make him pay maintenance.  Whether he likes this or not he has to pay for his child.  He sounds like a right old rotter, and be glad that he has left you.  Now your life begins with the start of your new baby, give him all the love you can and move on, just making sure that you have set your plans to receive your maintenance.

You will never, never change this man, he has no remorse he has done this before and will continue to do so.....let him go....the only good thing to come out of all of this is your beautiful child.

As time goes on you will realise this, you do not need broken promises, you need loyalty you also need freedom to start your 2 lives completely different.

Go to social services and ask for as much help as you are entitled to, try not to think of yourself as a victim, but rather a proud Mother who has been let down by an idiot who will live to regret this action.  I can promise you that.

This whole thing will either make you strong and a fantastic bond will happen between you and your child, a bond that never ends and will bring you so much joy all of your life.  

Or you can let people walk all over you, fill you with regret and life will pass you by without all the interesting little things that can happen.

Just remember that babies are only babies for such a short time, then they grow up so fast and become your friend.  Its amazing how the time flies, and you turn round one day and they are married, honestly.

Let this rotter...rot, just make him pay up.

I am sending some angels to watch over you and your little one.

Answer 11

Regardless of whether he cares or not, he must pay for the baby he has created to get onto the CSA immediately.

The feelings for him will diminish.  Yes, he has behaved appallingly but he can't help the way he feels so you have to put him behind you, which will take time but will happen, I promise.  Just be thankful that this thoughtless individual is not going to be bothering you any longer!

Answer 12

Emotionally, you need to move on.  Financially, you need to sue him for child support.  It doesn't matter if he planned the child or didn't plan the child.  He is a father.  Now he has to start paying like one.  Besides collecting that child support, just keep away from him.  He's a jerk.

Answer 13

If you can possibly manage financially on your own, do yourself a favor and don't take anything from him.  In the future you may find someone you want to share your life and your child with and with this creep's attitude it will be easy for your future spouse to adopt your baby.  

Answer 14

I would completely ignore him.

I would not ask him for anything. Be thankful he is gone now cos he sounds like a jerk and it is better that your child did not get to know and love him and then he upped and left.

You will meet someone else, someone better as you will be more cautious next time.

Don't let him make you bitter. You can rebuild your life without him. Your priority now is your baby.

Good luck.

Answer 15

Sounds to me like he was just there to whisper sweet nothings in your ear so that he could get what he wanted.  But did not mean a darn thing he said.  

If he shows no interest in your kid it sounds like he really didn't want it even though he might have told you he did.

It sounds like a very bad situation for you.  But you are going to have to find a way to move on cause he doesn't care and sounds like he never will.

Answer 16

You're too hurt to see that you need to toughen up and get angry for your child.  If you have your own means, move on and count your blessings you don't have to share your child with someone this cold.  If you need help, take him to court all day long.

Enjoy being a mom and put your child first now.

Answer 17

Clearly he is immature and selfish.  You must now put him out of your mind as much as possible, and concentrate on your baby.  You are going to have all the joy of the child all to yourself.  You can raise it how you see fit without the negative influence of an immature male.

Make sure the negative influence doesn't come in anger for the man. CSA can get him financially.