How do you deal with the stress?

Question

I have a 4 year old who is a little angel and a 7 month old who is a little nightmare. She is constantly fussy and whiny and cries most of the time. I really try my best to make her happy but sometimes i get so frustrated with her. My Fiance works shifts so 4 days a week i do bedtimes on my own and it seems whenever i'm on my own she plays up. She will just scream for no reason and nothing i do will help. I try rocking, holding, singing, everything. But nothing helps. I won't leave her to cry so normally we end up both crying with her in my arms and she will fall asleep when she is that tired she can't stay awake any longer. She doesn't do this every night, maybe twice a week and she does sleep through.Then my Fiance comes home and i have to ask him about 100 times to do anything. His only jobs are the cat litter trays and putting the bins out and he doesn't seem to be able to do even that. I get so frustrated with them both that sometimes i just want to walk out and not come back.

What can i do to help deal with the stress, a couple of times recently i've had to put the baby in her cot and walk out because i'm getting that stressed with her?

Please no nasty answers, i'm really trying my best.

Answer 1

I had massive problems with getting my 3 month old son to sleep.  He would just lie awake and cry for hours, then when he finally went to sleep he would wake every hour or two hours through the night and cry again!  Talk about pulling our hair out .... we were absolutely desperate for sleep!

It was a baby sleep audio program recommended by a friend that finally saved us. We followed the advice and began by creating a baby sleep routine which included bathtime, dimming of the lights, putting Paul into his crib, final nappy change and then lullabies. We also made recommended changes to his naps during the day and used some of the other recommended techniques. Within two weeks he was sleeping through the night most nights with just the odd night where he would just wake once!

Definitely start by creating a good baby sleep routine though and you could find that solves most of your baby sleep problems.

Good luck!

If you want to take a look, the audio program is at http://www.babysleepsolution.com

Answer 2

you have to relax so find a baby sitter or your mother to tack the the children away for the night and relax ith candles and a hot bath with radox

Answer 3

I imagine it is really stressful for you!!  I know what you are going through...been there too many times. lol  There is nothing wrong with walking away for a break. If you are sure she is fine...not hungry, thirsty, hot, or dirty...place her in her crib, make sure she is safe, and give both you and her  a break.   It's ok. She is at that difficult stage where she wants independence, but also wants to be assured that her mom is there in case she gets scared.  It is just one of those phases you will have to work through, unfortunately.

As for your husband...while I understand he is tired from working, he needs to understand you are tired, too and deserve a break. Talk to him. Explain how you really need his help with the kids, so you can keep your sanity! lol  GL!  

Just please don't walk out on your family....you will live to regret it. No one said it was easy, but it can be done...you just need to figure out a new battle plan. ;)

Answer 4

its a very diffiicult job being a mom.

especially when you have a child and a baby.

your fiance needsto help out more then you wont be as stressed yourself, you need some me time. so tell him. or arrange for someone to have the children for a short time so you can maybe just have a nice bath or read a magazine or even go shopping.

when its baby bedtime you need to put baby in the cot and put a night light on. stay in the room for a few mnutes then leave your baby to sewttle down, if shes constantly whinging you need to leave her in her cot then go out of the room, leave her for 5 minutes then go and check on her so that both of you ar reassured that each person is ok. your baby will get used to being left in her cot and will soon stop whinging if you do this every night

Answer 5

Firstly write out your daily routine and show it to your fiance to show him how much you do.

Agree a schedule where you get some time to yourself (for example Wed night you get to go to the gym or Sat morning you get a sleep in while he sorts out the kids).  Even once a week gives you something to look forward to.

And lastly keep bringing forward bedtime for your 7 month old by 15 mins until she stops whining as I think she might be overtired by the sounds of it.  Bath should be about 6.15 pm for that age I think.  She also needs to settle herself without you spending all this time.  Definitely hold her, sing to her but don't stretch it out too long and then put her in her crib and go and make a cup of tea.  Then go back in and give her another big cuddle and big kiss and set her down again (if she is still awake that is and she will be the first couple of times).

I really do wish you luck and happiness.  Partners sometimes just need to be told as they can be a bit thick sometimes!!!

Answer 6

Being a Mom is frustrating!  When your little one is crying, and you have done all that you can do, put him safely in bed, put the rails up, and let him cry.  If the crying really bothers you, step out on the front porch for some fresh air.  You aren't abandoning your baby by standing on the porch.  It sounds like your baby hasn't learned how to sooth himself.  By allowing him to cry himself out helps him to learn this.  

I know it's really hard, but you can do it.  Find a way to take a little break for yourself.  Go get your nails done, or go for walk at the park.  Just spending 30 minutes alone, a couple times a week will help you to clear your head, and handle the stress a little better!  

Take it one day at a time, and know that it will get better as time goes on!  

Answer 7

I feel your pain... as I suspect most mothers would.  It is hard when you have to do everything with no breaks.  My husband works 3-4 13 hour shifts while I stay at home with our 8 month old.  He, in turn, stays at home with him while I work 3 7 hour shifts... so we barely have any time to ourselves or alone with one another.  I would say that you need to have a serious discussion with your fiance first, while someone else is watching the kids so that you can get through uninterrupted.  Try not to argue or blame.. just explain that you really need more help and support.  Second, you need to understand (and you probably do) that your children can feel when you are stressed and it upsets their balance as well as yours.  So you guys are just exchanging negative energy.  If you have a close friend have them come over once a week for an hour or so and play with the kids while you get household chores done.   I have had to just let go of all expectations of getting housework done because my LO requires a-lot of attention sometimes and I have no outside help, but the occasional friend visit... nor can I afford help which is another stresser.  As for the screaming.. it sounds like maybe she is getting too tired.  I assume that you have a regular routine... feed, walk outside in stroller, bath, read or quiet time with one toy only, then rocking to sleep is our routine.  We are teething now so all doesn't go as planned.  But we stay as close to it as possible.  I play "spa radio" on Pandora.com for the last hour of his night and I think it helps to calm him down after a full day of stimulation.  Also, the irritability could be from gas.  I could go on and on, as it seems that I have, but you do need to relax for both of your sakes.  Forget about having a perfect house... just focus on the little one for awhile and I promise things will start working themselves out when you start to see what is really going on with her.  I hope the fiance will start pulling a little more weight.  Please feel free to email me if you'd like to talk.  

Answer 8

Hey Hun ..been there and got the shirt i would say ...Talk to your hubby i know he works too so does mine but does his fair share with the twins as you know we have an angel with autism too so it does get tough sometimes, and you do the right thing i have many times put one of the twins when they were this age in a safe place and i have nearly had the urge to walk away but as a mum you know this would be tough, you just need a few minutes to get your head together and there is nothing wrong in that, when you have a baby crying all day YOU do need sometime but please Hun you need to sit and talk to your partner about this else he wont know any different x

Best Of luck x

Answer 9

it sounds as tho u may have postnatal depression maybe i was exactly the same with my nine month old son and still am some times talk to your health visitor  she can give you some advice try putting lavender on your baby's mattress where her head goesthatt will help her settle