How do you deal with this?

Question

Hey there, so I've been in a rut with my riding lately, I love doing H/J, I honestly do,b ut lately, I feel as if I'm not good enough to be a rider at all, I've been riding for 9 years, but people always, always compare me to my cousin, she's basically perfect, she has the perfect horse, the perfect barn, she shows, she has money, everything. Anyways, I've been jumping the same height forever, I don't own ah orse, I ride twice a week, and basically, i'm stuck. My question is, how do I deal with this? how do I deal with being compared to my cousin CONSTANTLY and how do I deal with being in this riding rut? Just any advice would be great, since i don't know what to do. I'm honestly thinking about throwing in the towel on riding.

Answer 1

start a new discipline. maybe a new style also. like switch from jumping to dressage or pleasure. or change to western and do barrels, pleasure or equitation. join a 4h club if not already. that way, people can't really compare you to her as your riding will then be different. don't quit riding. you will regret it and will most likely come back anyways. don't let one thing get you down... you never know if you might become a famous rider or something whilst your cousin doesn't make it past the state fair anymore if she already does.

Answer 2

Chill man. I think the real question you should be asking is "do I still enjoy horseriding?" If yes, then ignore them, show everyone that you can have more fun than your cousin!

Good luck ;)

Answer 3

People will always talk.  If you like to ride...ride. The relationship is between you and that horse when you are in the ring.  Thats something that you dont want to give up, do you?  How about trying another horse sport that is not like what your cousin does.  Find something that is fun for you.

Answer 4

DON'T ever give up.

explain to people ur situation, they'll understand.

also.  it's best to have the same horse when u ride, because then u can earn trust, and it will earn ur trust.  

Ur cousin prollly owns a horse, right?

it's all in the trust, and confidence.  Don't ever listen to anyone when they talk about ur cousin like that. it isn't fair to urself or ur horse to think in comparison with another rider.

hope it helps?  :D

Answer 5

Well, do you ride because you love to ride, or do you ride to be better at it than someone else?  If it's the latter, you probably should throw in the towel since there will always be someone better that will compared to you.  If you ride because you love to ride, then keep doing it.  If you feel you're in a rut, ask your trainer why you aren't moving up and what you can do to improve, or maybe pick a new direction to go in - Jumping isn't everything and you may find that you like eventing or competitive trail more (they still have jumping, just in a different area) - then not only will you be enjoying yourself more, but you will be out of your cousin's realm and it will be harder to compare the two of you.  No one cares how "perfect" your horse or barn is or how much money you have at a competitive trail or endurance ride - they care about you getting your horse through the ride in good shape.

Answer 6

don't give up on riding, but don't stay where you are.

go find a barn you like, take lessons there, start leasing and just do something different.

its NOT fun to have 2 lessons a week where you w/t/c reverse w/t/c reverse and then jump 2'6 hunter courses (outside diagonal, outside diagonal)  its boring and monotonous!

just try something different

trust me-i learned to ride in a hunter barn and at a certain point you bought a horse, or stayed where you were.  i switched to a barn when you ride to ride, showing for fun, and lessons to learn.. there was no pressure.  it was GREAT! i spent a winter there riding different horses and having fun and THEN i moved into my current barn and bought by horse who i now event.

you can't plan whats going to happen, but I'll bet horses will stay in your life.

and about your cousin, ignore it.  shes never had problems in her life, and that's a bad thing.  problems shape you and make you stronger, and you'll be such the better person for getting through this rut...it may completely suck now.. but you'll be able to look back on it and realize it made you that much stronger.

Answer 7

if ridding is something you love to do then don't give up,having it all isn't what matters belive me i know. All my friends have had great horses and for awhile i did to. unfortunately my perfect mare coliced and had to get get out down then i thought i got another perfect horse 3 weeks after i had him i found out he was drugs he fell with me on him i found out later that he was not ridable at all so for the past 2 years i have had a non ridable older Appaloosa i Finlay found a home for him and got a new horse, he is a great horse to ride and great to people but he is attacking the other horses at the barn so now i probally have to get rid of him i never seem to get a break i just want to give up on horses but i cant they are my life my love and you shouldn't either. O by the way I'm 14 if that helps on understanding my story

Answer 8

Well, for a start think of all the ways you are different and better than your cousin!!

Just because you don't ride the same does not make one better than the other. It  makes you what you are...INDIVIDUALS.

My daughter faces the same comparisons ALL the time.  Now she focuses on what she enjoys the most and not how she compares to her cousin.

And what does she enjoy the most? The riding experience. Once she did that, her riding improved immensely and she has a lot more fun.

Something her cousin doesn't do, because her cousin feels the need to keep up with the glowing comparison.

Free yourself...ignore it all and  just enjoy. When you find your joy and passion again...you will find that your progress will improve also.

Remember...the horse picks up on your attitude as well.  ;o)

Answer 9

It really doesnt matter that your being compared to your cousin...there's nothing you can do to change what other people are going to say, and try riding more times a week and maybe even asking your trainer about trying to move up

Answer 10

every rider has been there!- some longer than others and for diff reasons. im just coming out of this i had an old horse who i couldnt advance with then my nxt two horses broke down physically on me (one was her legs and my geldings back) i didnt want to ride either i wasnt getting anywhere!

It sounds like you need some goals for starters! You wont get much out of riding if you dont know what you want??

Do you want to own your own horse??

Do you want to place at a comp??

Those are bigger goals and will take time and money, but that doesnt stop a goal for each time you ride! B4 you get on make a goal eg: i going to jump that 60cm jump or i cant get off! then you aim for that the whole time! or im going to walk through the river or whatever! that way you come away with an achievement each time you ride! make sure they are a challenge but maike sure that are achievable you dont want to be trying to jump 110cm if you have only ever done 50cm. or be creative and jump a rug over a pole, try some small jumps bareback - and have a laugh!

For the bigger goals if you want to go dwn that path -plan and save your **** off if you want it enough! sell something to fund it, talk to your parents (dnt know how old you are?)

Another thing every rider has is another rider who they aspire to be and they hate and love them! This will prob never go- sorry! its normal! but you need to as much as you can realise your own situation and work with what you have. dont be so hard on yourself YOU are the person who is most comparing yourself to her, and you are they only one who is stopping yourself from what you want.

i always seem to get moviation from watching really good comps eg: world cup s/j or weg (utube, dvds) or a good horse movie, good horse book, clinics or lecture to give you some ideas and a boost etc.

go for a good gallop and find the love again!

good luck!

Answer 11

People are just going to do what they're going to do and there's little you can do to stop it.

I have a close age sister who is a master horsewoman.  She is the "go to" person at every camp, people respect her knowledge.

I was so determined as a teen to have my own identity that I ended up getting out of horses for many years while I raised a family.  It wasn't a conscious decision, but in hindsight, I think that was part of it.

Now I'm older and it isn't near the issue it used to be.  

Remember it isn't your cousin's fault what others do...unless she's an *** and is rubbing it in to you all the time...

A person with their own horse who has the means to compete on a high level is going to have more opportunity to develop their skill than a person who rides a couple of times a week.  Try to look at it not so much as a her vs. you situation, but more a matter of logistics.  

I'm not a jumper, so I can't give advice about how to improve.  Wherever you ride, you need to seek out someone who can help you.  But I'll ask you this.  Do you enjoy riding for just riding's sake?  If you do,  don't give it up.  Try to stop looking at it as a competition with your cousin....for now.  She's got you out gunned, and at this point in life, there's little you can do to change it.  When people say something about how wonderful she is, just smile and agree with them, while you're making plans and taking steps in your life NOW that will make you prosper, and level the playing field later on.

Answer 12

Find a place to ride where nobody knows your cousin...a clean start will lift your spirits and a new venue will be just the challenge you may need about now.

Answer 13

1.) Everyone please read "blackppl"s answer and if you find it as uncalled for as I did, report it.

2.)  I agree with Grruffy (sp-sorry).  Another thing to think about too is it sounds like your cousin is in a much different place in their life than you are.  If this is true, you or anyone else can't compare yourself to them.  She may have more time and resources to ride than you but would she be where she is today if the roles were reversed?  If she is that good, then maybe you can think of her a goal post for your own accomplishments.  I don't mean for this to sound like you should try and keep up with her as in keeping up with the Jones's, but more of guide to 'when I can get more riding time under my belt I will be that good too'.  As for the rut, try doing something with the horses that you truely enjoyed before.  Stay out of the arena and ride out on trails with a friend, or just give the horse a bath and brush them down while they are grazing.  Try a different discipline, as suggested.   Or, if possible, try riding a different horse (if you ride the same horse all the time).  If it is something that you truely enjoy do not give it up just because of your cousin and other people.  Good luck and keep riding!!

Answer 14

I would tell people that your aren't your cousin and you don't want to hear it. Everybody gets into ruts from time to time. Just stick to what you love and things will come around. Don't get discouraged if you like what you are doing don't get to serious about it. If you let the fun of what you are doing disappear it will seem like work and you will feel burnt out.

Answer 15

Hi Emily,

I STILL vote for changing disciplines!  IT must be VERY boring doing arena work over and over, week by week.

MIX it up!  There are lots of great things to do on your horse!

DIDN'T you ask this question a few weeks ago>>>?

Try western riding, switch barns, quit lessons and ride!  TRAIL ride, just do something different!

Answer 16

Oh please don't give up, I was always compared to my older sisters. They had my Mum do everything for them. They even had a groom, and someone feed their horses and help prepare them for shows. By the time I came along 8 years later my Mum had passed that phase. She didn't know how much I realy loved this. But I had to do everything myself. By the time I was in my late teens early 20's I was training and competing on the other side of the world.

My sisters have long given up and didn't develop as I did as a rider. So please don't give up. I often felt like I was stuck durring different phases of my riding, things wouldn't click. I was told I did everything wrong, wouldn't develop to be a good rider, was too short, too everything!!!!! Ha ha how I proved them all wrong - not conciously.

Have you thought of setting some goals.

Would you like to get a horse of your own, if you do you can make it happen. Or maybe you could ride someone elses horse, a better one. When I had my children, I needed a rider to help me out, and I trained her as she wanted some help. In return she competed on my hacks. When I traveled I had a young person look after my top warmblood for a year, they had lots of fun. So there are plenty of options. Contact your local tack shop, they often know of clients that need a hand.

Very best of luck, I can tell you want to carry on and just need some encouragement. If you were near me I'd help you out so I'm sure someone else will. If you can ask for help I'm sure some will come your way.