How do you deal with ungrateful relatives?

Question

While cleaning up yesterday, I found a receipt for a donation I made to a cousin's charity walk. I realized that in the past year, I also sent her a baby gift. She has not thanked me for either of them, nor has that family even acknowledged an elaborate favor i did for them a few years ago. While our extended family is polite and gets along at rare family functions, I've realized that in the last 20 years, the extended family has sent about occasional baby or graduation announcement and we have received two Christmas cards but other than that we have received about 10+ overt requests for donations to projects/charities. we have only ever received in 20 years 1 handwritten letter sent 10 years ago specifically to us. I'm getting to the point where I will ignore all of these form letters asking for money, not because that is a bad thing, but because I'm hurt that that is the only form of communication any of them have with me. I thought I was doing my duty as a relative and developing relationships supporting all of their charities, and sending gifts of money for graduation etc but I'm changing my mind. What do you think?

Answer 1

I feel for you. And I agree, just ignore the requests for donations, they will get the hint, when you lose contact with all of them. ..

Answer 2

Oh, I agree. They probably aren't ungrateful as much as they have really bad ettiquette. Nobody probably ever made them write a thank you note when they were little kids. What I do is send a check so when it is cashed at least I know they got it. If it is any charity stuff, I just ignore it and support the charities I like not ones others want my donation. As for estended family, if you aren't going to the actual event, I would skip the gift especially if you have never received a thank you in the past. If asked, I would just say: Well, I never receive a thank you so I'm never sure if they ever receive it. (No apology from you either!). This is what I do and it works great for me. Hope its helpful.

Answer 3

You have to decide what's important to you.  Are you doing these things to get thanks?  Or are you doing them because you enjoy doing them?  If getting thanks is the most important thing in your life then by all means stop participating in this way in your family's life.  If you like buying gifts or would donate to the charitable causes your family participates in anyway then maybe you find that as a reason to keep on doing it.