How do you deal with your best friend being jealous of you?

Question

I used to be very heavy, but decided to have weight loss surgery. Since 2006, I've lost 95 lbs and I look great. My girlfriend used to be a little heavyset, now she's ballooned to over 200 lbs....and now she's fiercely jealous of me. She's accused me of trying to look better than her (I'm 10 years younger that she is,) and even accused me of trying to take her husband away from her. (He's no prize, and I don't want him, I barely speak to him.)

Should I ditch the friendship? We've been friends a loooooong time. She was fine when I was fat, now I don't know her anymore...it's like she's always trying to compete with me.

(I prefer to just blend in with the woodwork, she's always been the Diva and goes nuts when I get attention....attention that I don't want.)

Should I just walk away?

Answer 1

Definitely YES....

Which kind of Friend she is?  

Answer 2

She's being immature and insecure.  YOU did something to better yourself.  She's just upset that she doesn't have the drive to do it herself.  In her eyes, you are a more successful version of her.  If she can't come to terms with the fact that you improved your body, and that she doesn't even act the same way she used to, then kick her to the curb.  It sounds like she was using you as a self-esteem crutch.  I'm very sorry that she has turned out this way after such a long time.  Find friends that love you for you! :) Good luck.

Answer 3

Oh, h**l yeah. You’re not living for her; you have your own life to live for. It’s just ridicules for her to be jealous of you. A good friend would be happy that you’re looking good and are attractive. As you can see she is not a good friend of yours. There are plenty of good people out there that appreciate you for what you done. Your job now is to leave her, and find those people. Congrats on your weight loss and good luck. Peace

Answer 4

Your friend sounds like she's having more problems than just her weight. Even though she loses weight, she's still going to have more jealousy problems with you. I wound cut the friendship right here, because friends are not supposed to take you as a threat and compete with you, but rather, support and encourage you, which, evidently, your friend is not doing. If she accuses you of doing unheard things, then it's better to tell her gently, but firmly, that you cannot be committed to your friendship any longer. Please choose this for best answer!

Answer 5

Congratulatiions. I think in your new life you deserve to get rid of anyone who makes you feel less than wonderful .She is disrespecting and insulting you.  That means let her go. Im sorry but life is too short to put up with that.  

Answer 6

tell her to use the same strategies you did to lose weight

Answer 7

You should tell her how you feel. Tell her you are not interested in her husband and would never mess around with him. Tell her u miss your guys friendship and want to talk more. Tell her she means the world to you and yes make her feel better to. Any more Q's, just ask me.

Answer 8

You should end a friendship when it becomes more work than it's worth.  It sounds like if you don't make the decision to part ways she will.  I think I would just start backing off slowly and eventually just let the friendship become a very part time thing.

Answer 9

try to help her lose some weight....then maybe she will feel better... comfort her...

Answer 10

If she's jealous of you, she's not your best friend.

Answer 11

yes, you should end the friendship if she keeps being that way to you...a real friend should be happy about how you look not get mad....

Answer 12

Talk to her.. let it all out on the table. Of course, say everything in a nice way.. i.e. "I feel like you don't trust me because you think that I am interested in your husband." Talk about your feelings, instead of only putting blame on her. Let her react. If she's still stubborn, tell her that you can't be friends anymore because it's just hurting you.

Answer 13

Tell her that you would like to help her to lose weight too mainly for health reasons.  Explain to her that you are not trying to make her feel bad about herself but you lost weight for you and not to compete with anyone.  Let her know that you care about her.

If she doesn't believe that and still has an attitude toward you, then you may need to walk away.  She doesn't help you or herself by acting this way.

Answer 14

Time to get new friends who will like you for you.

Answer 15

As difficult as it is, you don't need this kind of negativity in your life. If you have tried to help her lose weight and build her self esteem, but to no avail, what's left? Are you going to be a doormat for her? You are stronger and better than that. When you go your separate ways, it doesn't have to be nasty; it's simply growing apart. She's an extremely insecure woman and she has to look within to find something good. You can't make that happen for her.

PS: A leopard doesn't change her spots....

Answer 16

Your plight is very typical.  It's sad that when you loose weight, you think that your friend would be proud of you, and would be encouraging, but instead is guilty of feeling even worse about herself.  Listen, sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you still want to be friends with her, but that you believe she is making accusations that are not true, and causing a hiccup in your friendship by her insecurities.  Encourage her to loose also.  Then let her know that you cannot allow her to make you feel bad - not now.  Your self esteem level has increased and you need and want to be around positive people.   Let her know you understand, but that you don't want to be caught up in the drama.