How do you define an equal marriage?

Question

I often see equal marriage used as the opposite of traditional marriage, but does equality really refer to the roles you take or the way you feel about each other? If a relationship is freely chosen and non-abusive, isn’t it therefore equal regardless of who changes the oil and who cleans the house?

Answer 1

Equal means 2 sides , each having rights & duties , not neccearily in quantity but in value. In husband/wife relationship there R more +s and/or -s. If  the wife changes the oil , and the husband cleans the house , is considers by each as a + sign on other's side, then the equation is maintained.

Answer 2

been as strong as i am, when i speak they jump, AND I SAY HOW HIGH!!!

Answer 3

There is no such thing as an equal marriage.  because in marriage each partner feels as tho they give more than what they get in return.  In reality marriage is about always giving and supporting and expecting nothing in return.

Answer 4

I sorta lucked out.  Right in the middle of war protesting, second-wave feminism and getting personally locked out of an all-male mechanical engineering program, and the Civil Rights Movement, I found myself an all-American wholesome Methodist midwest prairie farm boy my first semester in college.  It was love at first sight . . .more.  We named our children that night and drew out on a napkin where we were going to plant my vegetable garden and which crops he wanted to plant.  He was only eighteen and already owned a large Durok hog company.  His mother was so "country" she had never left the county she was born in.

I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought I'd marry into such a traditional way of life.  But, like I said, I sure lucked out.  He and I "mated", were attracted to each so completely because we both so completely had the same vision about how we wanted to raise children.  The first 72 hours of the marriage went well.  He and I exchanges all of our wedding presents at a mill for a line of credit, worked together on a piece of shat chuckleguts John Deere 730 tractor and worked side-by-side at everything on the farm AND in the house.  I was amazed by him.  Gaa-gaa in love.  VERY submissive.

Then, 72 hours into our 25 year marriage, a drunk hit him and crushed his spine in three places.  As he struggled to live and learn how to walk again for 18 months, I had to like learn how to farm and make money in a hurry.  I wasn't even 18.  I made $235,000 net that first year, had risen well within myself above my acculturations and kept my beloved husband's business alive and on IT'S feet until he returned.  In that 18 months, though, I had grown stronger than he remembered me to be.  The FIRST time he "countered" me or ignored me, I walked.  I went home to my mom and dad.

He fetched me and apologized.  From then on, that man commended me every step of the way for my brains and hardheadedness.  We made one heck of a tough team.  When babies started arriving, that man also assumed full fatherhood, completely equal care and nurturing of them.  He and I actually fulfilled our deep mutural dream for how to raise children.  They turned out to be extraordinarily happy, healthy, successful wonderful people breeding grandbabies for me on occasion.  I could NOT have raised those children without my husband's amazing emotional strength and stability.  He was a card carrying member of NOW, by the way, even before he had a daughter to stand by.

What makes a marriage unequal is NOT the dominator.  It's the submissive partner, the one who gives into domination.  It is NOT reverse domination to stand your ground.  Women, or men, who let themselves be treated like doormats, who do more than their share are the ones creating the disharmony.

Answer 5

Your right! Just because I am submissive doesn't mean that my husband looks over my opinions or I don't give them. He always considers my opinions, he listens to me a lot, but it is ultimately up to him. A traditional man isn't some controling slave-driver. Neither is a submissive wife a doormat. They are a team, they each have their own duties. The mans just happens to be the main provider and the woman's just happens to be the helper. What is so bad about being the sidekick? What is so bad about being the helper? The husband does serve the wife! He serves her with getting up every morning at 5am and heading off to work in the dark so that his wife can live comfortably. Don't you think that a man like that deserves some reward? Who better to give it to him than the one woman in the world that he chose to spend the rest of his life with? Submission is the most fullfilling thing a woman can do for her husband! If only more women would actually give it a whole-hearted try.

Answer 6

i'll define an equal marriage as an 'unhappy' one..

Answer 7

You are absolutely correct.  Only the two people in the relationship can determine if it is "equal."  To think that there is some standard which we should all be trying to reach in our relationships in order to achieve "equality" is absolutely ludicrous.  If both individuals are content with the arrangement, who are we to judge whether or not it meets some theoretical standard?

Answer 8

For me, equality is respecting the part of him that is distinctly male and masculine AND respecting the part of him that is strictly human and untied to gender. Likewise, him respecting the part of me that is strictly female and feminine and that part of me untied to gender; my intellect, my opinions, the words and thoughts I can write on paper that are detached from my womanhood, whose value is normative, abstract and humanistic. I do not think a man and a woman need to do everything 50/50, in such a painstaking fashion just for the sake of political correctness and the intellectual knowledge they are both equal. That is stressful. I do not believe in a homogenous marraige where no difference is acknowledged between man and woman. Such marraiges are only ostensibly fair, only intellectually just ,but they stifle our nature and instincts and that cannot be equal, ever!Whatever is best for the emotional well being of both partners is equal

Answer 9

Who does what is completely irrelevant to equality in marriage.

Equality has to do with whether one spouse makes all the decisions for the couple, or they make decisions together (or a combination of combined decision-making and each having their areas of being the decider).

It's in contrast to the husband making all major decisions, such as where to live, whether the wife works or goes to school, and such.

Answer 10

It's not that simple. An equal marriage, to me, means that both spouses share in the major decision-making.

Answer 11

Coming from a 13 year old, I believe that an equal marriage is one where the husband contributes with household chores, so the woman doesn't always. The wife may even get a job if she wants. In Southern Europe right now, the birth rate has gone wayy down because women are realizing they don't want to just stay home and raise kids, they want a job which would be harder to raise kids so they say " s***w that!". But in Northern Europe the birth rate hasn't really dropped because the husbands always have taken care of the kids with the wife.

I believe this is equal marriage.

Answer 12

I think equality has more to do with decision making. The mind set that each partner is just as important as the other. Chores and stuff are not equal in my house lol.  Usually its one doing all the cleaning and the other being lazy and vice versa.

Answer 13

An equal marriage for me is where  two people work together to gain a mutually agreed upon outcome.  Each person has a role and contributes where the other might not excel .  If two people are doing the same jobs, its like both are paddling on the same side of a canoe and they will only go in circles. If the each take a side, they will succeed in reaching their destination. The roles must be agreed upon and understood so they are not rowing against each other, or there will be no progress. Equal but opposite contributions. Its quite simple really.  Its all about doing everything you can when your spouse cant.

Edit:  Each person has a different perspective to offer, enhancing any decision making.  There however, must be a person who makes a fair and reasonable final decision, or there will be power struggle. If a person trusts the character and integrity of their partner, giving this power to them is not an issue.