How do you define your job or position in adoption? Are you involved in adoption reform?

Question

I feel that it is my job as an adoptee to make sure adoptive parents and natural parents that adoptees do need their history, their identity and heritage. Whether or not they want is the adoptee's choice but I feel that adoptive and natural parents owe the truth to their children. Describe what you do for adoption reform.

I guess this needs to be addressed too. I am not grateful that I wasn't aborted or dumped. My adoptive mother does not want me to EVER feel that way. Knowing other natural mothers, I am sure that my natural mother doesn't want me to feel that way. I also need to address that I didn't have a "bad" adoption experience until I decided to search and until I understood the heartache and hardships that all of my parents went through. My "bad adoption" experience didn't start until I contacted the adoption agency itself. It is with evil glee that I take aim at the adoption industry as a whole. So please don't include those experiences.

Answer 1

My "job or position" in adoption is to provide accurate and truthful information about parenting options, support potential parents where they are, treat potential parents with respect, honor their choice, and help them to have what they need to facilitate their plan, whether it be referrals for abortion, assistance with adoption, or support for parenting.

I am most definitely involved in adoption reform on a daily basis.  I daily educate propsective adoptive parents about the necessity of open adoption, as it is the only form of continuing contact which is in the best interest of the child and birth parents.  I encourage people to carefully consider the potential for abuse and coersion which permeates some international adoption.  I stress to parents adopting privately to require and provide counseling for the birthmother who is considering placing her child for adoption.  I support women who cannot bring themselves to continue a pregnancy, and offer caring understanding.  I refer all potential clients to the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, which conducts research on adoption issues related to adoption reform. And most importantly, I have raised my children with the knowledge that no child should ever feel grateful to their parents, but rather just be glad to take the good and try to ignore the bad, grow from our expereinces, give back to the world, and listen with an open heart.  And they do.  For that, I am grateful.

It makes me sad that you "take aim" at the adoption indistry as a whole.  But I understand that your perspective colors how you feel, just as mine does.  I too am an adoptee, who never felt grateful, anymore than any child does, just loved.  I am an adoptees mom, and never felt anything but that -- that I am her mom.  I am also a birthmother, who feels humbled that my child was able to have what he needed afterall.  

I try, with every phone call, and every meeting, and every counseling session, to be honest.  Hopefully, this honesty educates potential adoptive parents, adoptees and potential birth parents in small but powerful ways about the humanity, support and ethics required for informed and caring adoption plans.

Answer 2

As an adoptee, I feel it is up to me to help make adoption better for those affected by it.  Adoption is to be about finding homes for children who need homes.  It should not be about other agendas, such as (but not limited to) making money, "facilitating" (a.k.a. controlling) relationships among people who were separated by adoption or stepping on the 14th amendment rights of adopted persons by sealing their own birth records from them.

I am involved in reform.  I am working to re-establish equal rights for adopted citizens in the 44 states who have taken that right from them.

Answer 3

I too am interested in making sure that adoptees in ALL states have equal access to their records.  What they choose to do with these is separate from the issue that an adopted person should have the same rights as anyone else to the documents pertaining to our own births.  

I call, I write letters, I email my state legislators to support open records legislation.  When I can, I do the same for other states - when this legislation is coming up for a vote, I try my hardest to do what I can to lend my voice.  

I will be attending the Day of Adoptee Rights in New Orleans, (organized by Gershom), and will march and show my support for my fellow adoptees.

I am co-founder and co-administrator of one of the largest online adult adoptee support forums - AAAFC - less than one year in existence and we already are over 400 strong! We provide a SAFE place for adoptees to talk about their experinces, with NO censorship, NOBODY is told to be grateful or that their feelings are wrong or invalid or inappropriate.  It is the only site of its kind as far as I have seen.  (We even have first moms and a few adoptive parents).

I have a blog, it is where I share my own personal feelings but it has helped many others to read my words, and I will do whatever I can to help my fellow adoptees.  I put myself out there for the sake of others.

Answer 4

So far i have emailed everyone right down the list at my state capital about equal rights for adoptees.  Currently i am fighting a disease and the drugs i take can wipe me out.  Once i overcome this, i will be out with kids on hips and beating down doors in my state.  Can you tell i'm a granola, tree hugging, hippy at heart?

I am currently just finishing up "the girls that went away" and then I'll be on to "primal wound".

Eta;  an adoptive mom who wants to make the system better so this strong negativity and shame won't be attached to adoption.  I strongly want reform in foster care cause i can't stand the thought of one more child being hurt or abused by a system that is supposed to be protecting these children.

Answer 5

My job (in adoption) is to be the best parent I can be for my son.  To "fight the good fight" for him wherever that may take us.  

My involvement with reform is limited only because my son is so young.  I have focused my energy on his medical disorder and Newborn Screening for all children - with a special focus on how adoptees are often left out (or can be left out) of this genetic testing that can save lives.  We were fortunate that our son was tested at birth in the state he was born in.  If he had been tested where we live, he would not have been diagnosed as they did not test for that particular disorder in our state.  There are also several states who are allowing parents to opt out of the genetic testing and this could have a huge impact on adoptees and their future children if bio parents do not choose to have the testing done and adoptive parents know nothing about it.

Answer 6

Well, I'm an adoptive parent.  I'm researching all aspects of the adoption process...  if and/or when I take part in adoption reform, it will be later...  as I'm still learning things and don't want to jump in backwards and uneducated.  

The only thing I'd do right now is support open records for all adoptees.  I know I believe in that 100%...  as for any other issue, I'm still learning about them and then will decide whether or not I think it needs reform and will go from there if I feel a need to...

And ofcourse, anything my son wants me to help with or needs support for I will be there for him 100% whatever it is.

Answer 7

I don't call what I do a job but rather a passion and the only job title I have is Wife--Mom and Writer... So, maybe my job is as a writer but....  when it comes to advocacy of any kind It is not a job to me--it is honor to have the ability and the information to add where I can make a change.