How do you discipline a 16 month old?

Question

I am a new mom, I have a 16 month old daughter and I think she is going through her terrble two's early..it's really funny but, I know I shouldn't allow it but I am not sure how to go about it...

She has developed somewhat of an attitude.. She throws fits, say's NO and just started to hit.. I try to talk to her and explain why she can't get into things she shouldn't and that it's not ok to hit..I have no idea how to help her understand that it's wrong.. I don't believe in spanking..espeacially when they are that young and don't understand why they cant do those thing's.. Like I said I try to explain but, of course it doesn't work being as she is so young.. any tips, idea's ect...

Answer 1

Try to put yourself in her position. If you were told "No," for hitting and were hit would you question why it's okay for Mom or Dad to hit, but not for yourself? I would. It's like telling someone you don't speak Spanish by saying, "No habla Espaniol." What I have done with my boys (14 mos. & 31 mos) is put my fingertip to his hand that he hit with, make sure he looks me in the eyes and tell him, "No hit," in a stern voice and place him in timeout for one minute per year old. He knows what he did wrong without a lot of attention. Kids don't know the difference between good and bad attention; they just know they're getting attention and they'll do anything for it. After timeout, we hug. If my boys are still crying after the minute, depending on the offense, I like to wait until he is calm for a minute to bring him out so he's not still focussed on the offense. When I see my boys playing nicely (by himself or in a group) I tell him how well he is doing, how proud I am of him and what a big boy he is. I make a big deal over him doing what I expect from him so he is encouraged to behave this way more. He's getting attention for his positive behavior and he likes the doting. T.O. is used in our house as a means of diverting his attention from the negative behavior; not a means of punishment. The positive reinforcement is the part that has made the most difference in our oldest (our youngest hasn't come to that stage yet). You'll feel silly at first, but after you realize it works you continue on. People are constantly asking my husband and I why our boys are so well behaved.

Answer 2

Relax girl, you are an awesome mom. It's great that you don't believe in spanking. Please stick to that, you'll see, it works. You don't have to spank to discipline a child. The key is consistency. If she misbehaves, put her on time-out AFTER a warning. Just for one or two minutes. If she stands up, put her  back. She will understand it. When the time out is sad and done, you talk to her and explain why she can't do things like that and that you don't hit each other (you couldn't say that if you spanked her!). And you say that she is going to be put on time-out again if she hits you again. I am sure that you will have a very disciplined little girl that was never hit by her mommy. And trust me, you wil be proud of yourself!

Best wishes,

Rebecca

Answer 3

I know this is Cliche, but I have adopted the star chart. My kids get a star for good behaviour and a black dot for bad behaviour. I have things like have a bath, help pick up toys and general activities. When they have 25 stars the get a special prize. This actually works a treat for both girls aged 3 and 20 months. They want to do things to get stars. I got this idea from my girls day carer who uses a star chart to get the kids to eat all of their lunch.

Answer 4

you dont shes still a baby

Answer 5

You're doing good, then again, what do I know.  

Ask her if she'd like it you hit her.  Otherwise, you have to completely ignore her attempts to manipulate you.  She must learn early on that she wont succeed in doing so or she will do it in adulthood as well.  

I'm 30 and still throw tantrums at my mom because they always work.  I need to grow up.

Answer 6

Liana, you're an idiot.

Back to the point: I have 3 kids, and last one is on the way... The youngest is 16 months, and is also testing... I just take her hands (gently), look into her eyes, and say, "No." And, repeat, as necessary. Toddlers need near-constant reminders; they really do forget, easily... Distractions are your best bet. Fortunately, I've got a 10-year-old son, and a 9-year-old daughter who are very good at getting her to play with them. :) Good luck!

Answer 7

Toddlers understand a whole lot more than you think they do.  It is not necessary to try to reason with her.. don't even try.  Kids do not have the mental capacity to understand reasoning and it will simply be heard as 'blah blah blah'.  

You need to stick to your guns when you say no.  I use 'no' so often I think my son (15 months) might think it is his name!  I tell him 'no' and remove him from what he is doing.  If he throws a tantrum, oh well, he throws a tantrum.  I still do not let him do what it is he wants.  If he hits, I tell him 'no hit' and hold his hands down for a second so he understands.   This goes on a million times a day but in my experience, it finally starts to have effect eventually, with much better results aroung 18 months.  

That said, try to minimize the 'no's.  If she keeps going after a favorite lamp or something, remove it for  a while.  Try to give her a place where there are  alot more yeses than nos.  Also, when you do have to tell her no, try to redirect her to something else.  "you can't have this but here is this'   Toddlers get really frustrated really fast and it gets to a point where everything is no.  They need to be able to expend their energy somehow.

Hope that helps.

Answer 8

When kids are at that age they start pushing their boundaries trying to figure out what they can and can't do.  Just stay on her and before she goes into a fit if you can spot it distract her.  I have found that helps.  And just let them through their fit and get it out.  Which can be hard.  I've heard if you can't control you kids in their terrible twos then you will never have control over them.  Also if you see her going or attempting to do something she isn't suppose to stop her before she starts to get into things or what not.  After a while you can start to figure out what they are up to.  If my little boy starts carrying a toy throughout the house that he is known to be able to climb up on, then I know he is trying to get up to something out of his reach.  So I tell him don't do it.  And he smiles  and puts the toy down.  And it has taken me a while to get him to listen.  No matter how many times I told him no or moved things or put up a baby gate to keep him from certain areas he would throw a fit and keep trying to get to whatever.  Now after standing my ground with him he knows better now.  Like I said its a battle that gets better eventually.  You'll find out some tricks that work for you along they, but I hope I shined a little light on it for though.  Good luck and don't give up.

Answer 9

I think you should be a little more consistent and SURE of your actions.  You are the mommy.  You are right.  Try to send this message to her.  If she throws a screaming fit, carry her to her room, put her in her crib, close the door behind you, and leave her in there.  No matter how long it takes, you HAVE to wait till she's worn herself out and stops, or she'll think she got off the hook.  Even if it takes 2 hours, do NOT open that door or give her ANY acknowledgment.  

When she does something she's not supposed to, take her firmly by the shoulders, look her in the eyes, and say in a "scary" firm voice, "Nooooo".  But not too much, or she'll start to tune 'no' out.   And when she tells YOU no, say it louder back to her.  It'll shock/surprise her.  Then sit her down and tell her again, and MAKE her do whatever it is she said no to.

Answer 10

Just go with the no and explain why. It is relaly hard at that age, and yeah them saying no back at you and such is funny and it is so hard to stay serious and not laugh at them. Stay strong mama. Just stick to things. If she hits hit back and no I don't mean like to hurt her but as a shock. You tap her back. She slaps your face and you tap hers and say see it hurts so don't do it, or say ouch and pretend to cry. Each child has soemthing they will respond to, only you know what will work best for your child, shock or guilt. They may even cry when you fake hit them back. Normally this works best if they bit and you bite back. It isn't mean, you have to show them why they can't hit sometimes. You dont' have to hurt them to get the point across.