How do you encourage kids to be excited about adoption?

Question

My husband and I are adopting a baby which will be born in Jan. My husband has 2 sons, 16 and 12 from a previous marriage that live with us. This will be our first child togather. We are extremely excited about the new addition to the family. However, the boys don't seem to be. We have tried to include them in every aspect of it , but when we mention buying the baby something it is like that money could go to us etc and I am getting frustrated by their selfishness. I don't know what to do. This will be my first child and I feel like i should be able to enjoy buying her things without feeling guilty that it is taking away from the boys. Any advise or suggestioins greatly appreciated..

Answer 1

Why should they be excited? It isn't their real sister or brother. Just like you aren't their real mother. Do these kids a favor. Get a new puppy and let the poor baby stay with his or her REAL mother. Adoption is child abuse.

Answer 2

You know I was reading your question and I was thinking, "cool, I would like to see these answers cause maybe it will help me since we have a 7 year old and we will be adopting."  Well after reading SOME of the answers I was disappointed to see that your answers might not have beeb as helpful as you wanted (dont know just assuming, could be wrong)  ....well maybe I can help you ???  I posted a similar question (but a little different).  Maybe some of the answers I got there will help you better.  Posting in another section other than adoption helps, because you avoid the adoptees with anger issues.  Also I blocked all the ones I feel have information that I really dont need.

Answer 3

My daughter was the same way.  Uninterested until the baby was home.  She said it wasn't "real" to her until she actually saw the baby.

Adoption is a roller coaster ride of emotions.  Perhaps it is best for your step children to remain unemotional about this until it actually happens.  What if they get excited and it doesn't work out?  It going to be hurtful for you and surely you don't want them to be hurt and disappointed as well.  many mothers change their mind about adoption when their baby is born.  I don't want to discourage you by saying that but since you are asking about the effect this has on your step children I feel compelled to mention this so you may consider that their current state of mind might be in their best interest.

Once they have a new sibling they can see and touch it will be a different situation with them.  My daughter was so unaffected by our adoption process but when she was introduced to her baby brother and held him in her arms she was totally in love.

Answer 4

They sound like selfish brats. You are *not* taking away from them by buying things for your baby! You are adding to your family and there is nothing wrong with that...whether a new baby comes via adoption or is born to you. Yes, they're kids and they're going to be a little resentful. I'm sure the 16 year old was resentful when his little brother was born. That's typical in kids! But these two are old enough to understand and know better and it is their father's (and your) job to help them curb those selfish attitudes. Maybe they can take part in decorating the baby's room or choosing something for the baby that is special, just from each of them. They need to get with the program or life will be miserable for all of you come January.

Answer 5

Ok, I'm going to be as gentle as I can be here.

First of all, this isn't your "first child together". However, this child is even less of your child "together" than his biological children.

Secondly, teenage boys have a propensity to be somewhat selfish.

Thirdly, I'm willing to bet that there are some issues there about the previous marriage and the role that their biological mother plays in their lives. It's only natural for them to be a bit insecure about the fact that a new baby is going to come into their lives. I'm guessing they already feel like their mother left, so why wouldn't you choose this new baby over them.

Fourth, maybe on some level they really understand just how much a newborn family will change their daily routines.

I don't know how you encourage them to be excited about this. Perhaps if you were pregnant yourself, it would be a little different, but they are going to look at it as you are "shopping for a better kid" to replace them. (I don't know if that makes any sense at all.)

Anyway, my question would be did you discuss any of this with them BEFORE you decided you wanted to adopt, or did you just inform them one day that you and your husband had decided to adopt? I'd be rather resentful, too if I hadn't been allowed to voice an opinion (right or wrong) about the situation when it would affect my life greatly, also.

Edit: Ok, it's good to hear that you had actually discussed it with the boys first. However, there are still bound to be some feelings of resentment, and (like I said earlier) some feelings that are directly related to the situation with their biological mother (whatever it may be).

Like the answer below mine, it's entirely possible (if not probable) that once the baby arrives, they will be very happy to have a little sister. Sure, it'll be an adjustment, but life is full of adjustments!

Anyway, I know you were looking for advice or suggestions to make it an easier transition for your family, and I still don't know what to tell you to make it easier. The important thing to remember here is that you and your husband are offering a loving home to a baby girl that otherwise may not have had that opportunity.

I wish you all the best of luck!