How do you feel about being adopted?

Question

I always wanted to adopt. It just broke my heart to think there was a child out there waiting for a family. My aunt has always wanted to adopt. However, after she adopted a little girl and had her taken back days later she just could not go through it again.

Back to my question I am starting to realize that there is alot more to adoption than I ever thought. There is a bigger picture that I have never seen. What is the hardest thing for children to cope with that have been adopted?? What are some of the hardest things you have gone through?? What could the people in your life at that time done to easy the heartache for you??

Also how do you feel about adoption??

Answer 1

I feel that you would be doing one of the most wonderful things a human being can do

For me the hardest thing about being adopted was never being told anything

I reckon if you just tell the child all the information you will recieve about there birth family background and why they have been adopted that things may be a bit easier for them and maybe even yourself

For some adoptees things are never easy no matter what

But your giving a child a proper life and thats something the birth mother and child will be so thankfull for

I went through a stage in my teens when i hated my mum, because she wasnt my mum

But later in life i relise she is my mum, she brought me up and i am so gratefull to her for that

A terrible thing happend to your aunt

My mum was told she was getting me one second and wasnt the next, she said its was a horrible 2years process, being told you can have get a child then being told you cant is bount to be painfull

You want this

Your family will be so proud of you

Go for it

Theres so many kids out there that need you

Best of luck

Answer 2

What I think is really odd are those adoptees who believe they grew up just like bio children.  I wonder how they know?  What does it mean to grow up like a bio child?  Since I didn't grow up as both adopted and not adopted, I wouldn't know whether they are same or different.  I wonder how others know they are the same.  

I had a good family that loved me.  (Anyone who says I had a bad experience being adopted is insulting my adoptive parents.  My bad experience wasn't my adoptive family.  My bad experience was adoption.)  

For me, the hardest thing to cope with was not knowing where I came from, not knowing who I came from, not fitting in, not knowing where I fit in, and most importantly, not feeling like I was free to talk about these feelings and questions.

What would have been helpful would have been talking about these feelings and being made to feel as though it were okay to express them.  Instead, I learned how to put on a front to make everyone feel okay, even though that's not how I felt.  

Find out all you can about adoption and the experiences of adoptees.  Read a lot.  Talk to adoptees.  Don't rely simply on adoptive parents or social workers for your information.  They can be helpful, but you need to hear more about what adoption is like from the side of the adoptee.  The more you know, the better off both you and your child will be.

Answer 3

I was adopted almost 50 years ago, and back then there was no open adoption, so I really have no health history or anything. However, I had such wonderful mom and dad that adopted me, that I never felt abandoned, like some adoptees say they feel. I never searched for my mom, and I know that I have a sister 10 years older, and that makes me wonder sometimes- but I love adoption so much, my hubby and I have 2 kids that are adopted- 19 and 15.  Our 19 son met his birth family this last summer, and is going to visit them after Christmas for a month.  To me adoption is and never will be a heartache-

Answer 4

I dont feel any different to a normal child. That is because i am a normal child.

I have had no problems at all with being adopted.

I guess thats because i was too young to know any different.

My adoptive parents are my parents and thats it. They are all I have ever known and I dont think its possible for an adoptee to have a mother/child relationship, with their birth mothers. Not if all they have ever known is there adoptive parents.

I'm pretty sure I couldnt have a relationship with her even if i wanted to. Nothing personall, it just shes not my mother. Only the woman who carried me.

Alot of people may disagree with me, but this is just my opinion.

Good question

Answer 5

Now that I am an adult I have better perspective.

Adoption has fractured me. Growing up the hardest part was not looking like, acting or thinking like anyone in my adoptive family and feeling so alien because no one could mirror me. As far as hardest thing...I've had it pretty easy I guess, "good parents" pets, toys, shelter, stability,2 parents the whole nine yards for what's considered to be the things kids need. I don't think anything short of being with my people could have eased the heartache. I think I would have been whole with them, even if we weren't as wealthy or socially positioned, it may have been a "harder" life, but I would have been complete I think.

How I feel about adoption .....  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Answer 6

It's weird because i feel like i'm the only person that feels fine about this.

Alot of people have alot of anger, and i never had any at all.

I was adopted when i was a baby, i never felt abandoned, maybe at the very most i felt curious.

My parents (the people who raised me) were a big part in me feeling like this.  i got 100% support and love from my mom and dad and im not angry that i was given up for adoption. I am grateful to have such wonderful parents.

They always told me," we loved you soo much we went the extra mile to make sure you were in my life"

My mom even told me that she had dreams about a beautiful baby girl with black curley hair before i was even born.

I think it was ment to be. and im happy.

and i will probabaly meet my birth mom some day, but in the end she will be someone that got me to my family

Answer 7

I never felt different being adopted, I always knew I was but it was just who I was. Just like being a person who is multiracial again I always knew I was mixed raced, it was just who I was. Being adopted and mixed race are things that make me me. Unlike some adoptees I never fantasized about my birthfamily, as a child I rarely even thought of them. My parents and family didn’t treat me any differently I was just their daughter,  no one in the family ever treated me differently. My middle name is after my dad’s sister, sure I’m not biological related to her but I’m proud that I was named after her.  I never felt once in my life that I was abandoned.

I think the one of the hardest things to cope with is no medical record, not knowing your ethnic heritage. Those are the biggest for me but I just have to go on I’ll likely never have medical information other then what has been documented in my life. Heritage isn’t as hard once I save up the money  I’ll do an ancestral dna test. I think for other adoptees they feel that they don’t fit in with the family that adopted them. Feeling like they were abandoned or not wanted. All adoptees can have a vast range of feelings, from positive to  negative and in between..

How do I feel about adoption personnel I feel fine about it, I think more people should adopt. I think people who want to adopt should educated themselves on  some of the feelings their adopted child could end up having. Probably listening to the opinions of adoptees, from the good to the bad.

Answer 8

I think adoption is great. Its nice that there are people like you out there who care. My dad was adopted, and he could never find his real parents, and it really bothers him. But he is thankful that someone took him in.

Answer 9

Well, I was adopted when I was nine.

The woman who adopted me let me see my mom whenever she wanted to and she had time, made it clear she loved me and my mom did too and there was no picking on my part.

I loved her like a mom just as I love my real mom.

I think open adoption is best with explanations and making it clear everyone wants the child, just not everyone is able to take care of them at certain times.

Answer 10

like shite

Answer 11

The hardest thing for me was knowing I had another family out there. I made up stories about them and lied about knowing them to make myself appear more normal. It was just too hard trying to explain why I wasn't "wanted". I know now how very much my mom did want me but as a child all I knew was that someone had given me away.

The second hardest thing for me has been loosing not one but two mothers. My amom died when I was 14 and I lost my nmom at birth. It was difficult to reason out in my mind why I had to loose both of my mothers. Why would I have two just so they could be taken from me. I felt this pain as a child learning of my adoption and as a teen when my mom passed. It was and is awful to live life with two mothers yet not have either of them with you.

I don't think there is much that could have been done to ease my pain. Maybe an open adoption and having access to my nmom would have helped. I don't know. Having more info about them would have made it easier to see myself as something other than just an adoptee. My adopted identity was so strong but I really had nothing outside of it. I was adopted, that was it.

I can't even begin to get into how I feel about adoption. Just too much for me today, sorry.

Answer 12

I can only speak from my personal experience.  I was adopted from Korea into a white family at 23 months old.  I've had a great childhool, a wonderful life really....my family is great.  I have very positive feelings about adoption but I know many on here do not.  I never looked at myself as "different" or that I had gone through some tremendous "loss" growing up.  Even now as an adult, when I hear people talk about this great loss, I don't identify at all.  I had the most normal childhood anyone could have.  I never felt like something was missing or that I was somehow special, not loved as much, or whatever.  I don't feel that way now.  I will say, I think one of the best things my parents ever did was that they never treated adoption like it was something to be ashamed of.  That really helps when a child is beginning to form his or her own identity.  If YOU act like you're embarrassed (that he or she looks different from you), then the child will pick up on it.  Children are extremely perceptive.  On the other hand, don't act like they are somehow MORE special than everyone else either.  That might make them feel self-conscious.  Just treat them like a kid....any other kid and they will grow up healthy.  Don't ever LIE to them.  They will resent you later on when they realize the truth.  My parents kept every scrap of records from my adoption in case I ever wanted to find my birth family or wanted to know about my adoption.  I was told this very early on so there was never a sense of my parents keeping information from me.  They always told me they would support my decision if I ever wanted to find my birth family....but I've never had that inclination personally.  My only regrets?  I regret that I may never know if I have brothers or sisters out there.  And I regret not knowing my family's medical history.  It will be almost impossible to find out those things, however, since I was simply droppped off at an orphanage as a baby so there is little information.  

You are wise to think of these things ahead of time because you're right - there ARE more things involved with adoption.  It's not just cut & dry.

Answer 13

It's always funny to me to read responses about adoption from people who haven't been adopted, haven't relinquished a baby, & haven't adopted.  Always the same thing...how "wonderful" it is that an "unwanted" child gets a home.

You sound like a very caring prospective parent.  The mere fact that you are already considering how your child might feel speaks volumes!

The biggest issue I have is SEALED RECORDS & not having access to MY information.  Not being allowed to know my biological family's medical history, or my heritage, or why I was "given up".  I didn't wonder at all about any of it when I was younger.  Not until my teen years.  

Also, the negative messages about adoptees being "unwanted", etc.  

"Older" adoptees - as young as 18 months or two years and up - have different issues than adoptees relinquished at birth, having been separated from their first mom's after forming an attachement to them.  You might read a bit about attachment disorder if you're planning on adopting an older child.

Read the many responses in this forum that highlight some of the issues for adoptees.  Many concerns involve the unethical practices of some agencies, attorneys, adoption facilitators, etc.

I'm not a big supporter of most infant adoptions because women are often pushed, shamed, and/or threatened into giving up their children.  I realize some women choose adoption believing it is the best option.  A mother must give up on herself before she can give up her child.  

I'm a strong supporter of foster-adoption.  There are so many children who've lost their parents to drug addiction that need loving homes, a family and parents.  Please consider adopting a child that really does need a home.  Let your child know that because of them, you're a family.

Answer 14

I think the hardest part of being adopted for me was in not having an identity. I look Hispanic but was told my birth mother was black and my birth father was white. This is tough for me because I am often mistaken for Hispanic, then I have to explain why I look the way I do.

I've always been a loner. Always feel most comfortable sitting alone in a crowded room. I've had "abandonment" issues. Probable still do come to think of it.

I am very happy to have been adopted by my parents. I can't complain about the life I had. I've had a very supportive network of friends and family. Life is good. I have no regrets.