How do you feel about my poem?

Question

Tredding corn fields,

Gathering yields,

Foot in worn heels,

Dream of warm meals

Up three rows, down some twos

Spotting strange pests

Come spring birds' nests

Sun burnt dark chests,

Moon lit food fests,

String tight bows, play the loos

Days pass, months flew,

Sow the seedlings, corns grew,

Soothing warmth and cool winds blew,

Overheads, cuckoos flew,

Lay down hoes, gone are woes.

Answer 1

It's unique in a good way. It lacks emotion, yet somehow here this is a plus. This honestly is the kind of poem that you have to stop and think about. It captures what I think you were trying to say.

And i'm not just being nice - you should see what i've written about some of the other stuff on here. =_=

Answer 2

you need to have a better beggining something to hook the readr i honestly couldnt finish it. its not always about rhyming but telling a story.. and what better story to tell than what you know about... your life.

Answer 3

Try to concentrate on the actual content and its substance, instead of the last words in lines senseless standardization.

"fields, yields, heels, meals..."

"pests, nests, chests, fests..."

"flew, grew, blew, flew (again)..."

Answer 4

I like this poem..

Answer 5

hmmm..... Firstly the bad news ;) like the previous person said it lacks that sense of emotion it just seems like some lines on a page.... but maybe thats just beacuse im reading it in my head. And i dont understand this "play the loos"? otherwise i think its fantastic! the lyrics are simply perfect and it just needs a slight bit of modification!

Answer 6

It was so dull and emotionless.