How do you feel about this poem i call "a little more trust"?

Question

our trust in GOD we hold within, waiting for signs to let him in. when prayers are answered with happiness back on course, we lose the trust in him once more. back to casting stones at enemies, family and friends, blaming them for our mistakes again. taking for granted the sacrifice for us jesus went threw, believing we have it so bad without walking a mile in his shoe. too busy wrapped up in satan's dreams and all the lies, tamed by the diversions we can not take when we die. standing at heavan's gate covered in sin, with no material obsessions ther to get us in. loving the strangers and enemies we find, a burden to the effort of yours and mine. it is hard to forgive and hard to let go, the pain in our heart that we have always known. GOD holds a plan for you and me, with a little more trust it we will see.

Answer 1

i fell like plagiarising it

Answer 2

I liked how it began (we trust in God in emergencies, then fall back to sinful ways when happy again). When Jesus and Satan get the spotlight it started to wander for me. Finally I lose the train of your thoughts altogether on the line "loving the strangers....yours and mine." Then the stuff about God's plan opens a new topic in the last couplet. (Change "it we will see" to "we all would see" to help your word order.) Like another responder I think you would do well to lose the slightly preachy tone and just observe without judging. Also you're a little bit of a rhyme slave...phrases like "walking a mile in his shoe" and "for you and me" are cliches that fit the beat and the rhyme but cheapen what you're trying to say. You've got a good thought or two here that would make a good poem if buffed down a little. Thanks for sharing it.

Answer 3

Pretty awesome, it even gave me goosebumps.

Answer 4

its okay, i think its a little toooo much trying to make everyone feel bad for living life....thats just my thoughts tho..

Answer 5

it was awesome!

Answer 6

I really like it. It's poems like that, that can help our country right now.