How do you forgive a man who cheated on you and got the other woman pregnant? ?

Question

First off i just found out about all of this..

He cheated (more then once)6 months after we got married and got her pregnant 4 months after i got pregnant with our first. 3 years and 2 kids later he just got served with child support papers for this other womans child. The woman use to come to our house every day to take him to and from work, she knew he was married and that i was pregnant, im not blaming everything on her but she is the one that spred her legs. Im crushed.im trying to get through this but its beyond hard, i cry daily. He goes to court in a week to find out how much he will be paying. He says he wants nothing to do with the child or the mother. He says he loves me and our kids. I dont trust him..i hate to be touched by him or to look at him.all i think about is what he did and how many lies he told me over the years. Is this worth working out? I do love him and so do our children. Please dont leave rude comments to this post.i know some of you think im dumb for staying and from what ive read in other post some may think that this is my fault that my husband strayed. I really need some advice. We dont have the money to go seek marriage consuling :(

Answer 1

ok, you guys need to figure this out in a way that does not affect your children. Dont talk dirt about him in front of them, and if you really feel this is affecting your children, you may want a break from him for a while. NEVER get a divorce unless you are absolutely sure you want one. if you cant trust him, sleep somewhere else at night. Stay isolated for awhile so you guys dont get caught up in a fight while your child is watching, that happened to me, and it affected me very greatly.. I hope you can find somewhere in your heart to forgive him, but if he really has that guilty look in his eyes, and when he said sorry he is not showing it and acting the same, he is full of ****! if he was truly sorry he would make it up to you any way that he is capable of, like taking you out to dinner, apologizing a million times... ask him what he was thinking while he was with that other woman, and if he still cares about you?  

Answer 2

In my opinion you don't forgive them... you forget them.

Answer 3

You don't.  Love your self enough to stay or walk away but make him tow the line.  

Answer 4

The lord tells us if we don't forgive then neither will our father in heaven forgive us. Matt 6:14-15 Seek Godly counsel through a church. Draw close to God and pray. There's is nothing too impossible for God to work out. Jesus loves you and your family. I will pray for you and your family.

God Bless

Faith

Answer 5

ya dont.

Answer 6

You can work through this, after all, how long has it been and how many times has he made love to you since then? You say you don't want him touching you and that would be fine it it had just happened but he has touched you a lot since that time so you need to stop acting like that right now and focus other things. I know you still love him so forgiving him is the next step. No it won't be easy but you can do it. Hey he made a mistake and maybe he didn't know she got pregnant, and no he shouldn't have done it, but he did and he's had to live with that on his mind for years now, can you imagine what that must be like? Plus knowing that if it ever came to light that he would be put through h**l again? How many times has he had to forgive you for something? Maybe it wasn't this bad but he still forgave you. It's all about forgiveness and love, and you already said you still love him, so work on forgiving him and keep your marriage strong. If this has happened years ago, and he has stayed true since then, sounds to me like he  learned his lesson. Remember God would forgive, who are we that we think we know better than God? It'll be hard but you can make it. Stay strong, he needs you more than ever now.

I can't believe all the self-righteous people in here that don't believe in forgiveness. People if you can't forgive, you'll never make it to heaven.

Answer 7

Wow my heart truly hurts for you!! I have experienced a situation similar years ago!  I remember the pain of it being unbearable! My advice is fairly simple.  You do whats best for you and your children..that is mentally, emotionally and financially!  Do not rely your decision soley on love! Love makes you do stupid things! Everyone says to "follow your heart" but I prefer to follow your head, because the heart is too misleading especially when vulnerable!! I would also tell you to listen to what he is saying but keep in the back of your mind that people will say anything when they are wrong, caught or cornered..especially if alimony and child support are at risk!!!!  NO one can give you advise on what to do because no one knows every detail of your life with him, no one but YOU!  SO you take what you know and work with it..if your love for him surpasses his betrayal to you, then that should give you a clue..but if staying there is making you ill emotionally...maybe you should leave for a while to find the right thing to do without influence or persuasion from him..Always remember to love yourself more than you love any man!! I hope you make the best decision you possibly can!! Good luck!! Be strong!

Answer 8

dont forgive him, divorce him

Answer 9

Dont

Answer 10

You don't.

Forgive yourself for being with him.

Answer 11

you love him, and you have had children with him...you need to trust that he does love you, and the family you have created together...yes, it will be hard to accept the fact that he cheated on you, but you have to trust him, for your family...

Answer 12

thats sounds like a selfish cold hearted dude

RUN!!!!! dont look back on that sorry excuse of a back stabbing man

make sure to go for child support as well



if he loved you he wouldnt have continued to lie and stab you in the back you have a good reason not to trust him

Answer 13

Keep bettering yourself by learning money making things, staying fit, and becoming more and more desirable to the opposite s*x. When and if you have to leave this person, you will do better for yourself next time around. Sorry it happened in the first place.  

Answer 14

Did he sign the birth certificate if not do a dna test thats all i can say  

Answer 15

Honey I hope things get better. Honestly I sort of feel your pain even though I never had my baby because I lost it in a car accident but went through something similar. Well I'm 22 and was with my ex for 6 years no children but was pregnant once and lost it in 2006. Well when I got pregnant I told my ex  that I was pregnant and he said he wanted nothing to do with it. THis hurt me and until today I'm still hurt because he wanted nothing to do with our child and losing the baby was hurtful but then again idk I was considering an abortion but the accident happened. Well today he's with a 19 year old female who has a child with someone else and the baby is 1 years old and he takes care of it!!! At the same time I'm glad because she treats him like **** and cheats on him like crazy with her child's father. Well my point is to to look at the Pros and Cons of the relationship. Ask yourself is it worth working it out, can you trust him again and do you think he would never cheat???? If you feel the relationship is worth keeping discuss your thoughts and what you expect out of the relationship from that point on. Loving someone is hard but letting go is even harder. DO what's best for you because in the end you have to worry for your children and yourself. Self-love is whats needed and the rest will fall in place. Good Luck on your decisions because your decision can affect everyone in the long run

Answer 16

The tricky part is you have to forgive yourself first.

Answer 17

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. You can't possibly forgive someone that has caused you so much pain. I've been cheated on before so I know how that feels but for him to have a child for someone else I can believe the hurt is unbearable. The only thing you can do is leave. You don't deserve someone like that and the trust will never be the same.  

Answer 18

For me there would be no way I would ever forgive him, he would be out the door period.  My fiance is here too and he concurs, this betrayal is just not something that can be forgiven.  It is not your fault he strayed and I am sorry to say this but he will probably do it again if you take him back because he can.  Cut your losses.

Answer 19

First of all, Marriage Counseling doesn't have to cost a thing. Look around. Most pastors will do it for free. If you aren't a member of a church, try asking at some that are near your home.

That's IF you want to work it out. At some point in your life, you are gonna want to forgive this man, just to not have to carry this around- to move on, for you- not for him. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying what he did is ok, it just means that you are acknowledging that the position to judge him is not yours and the situation is out of your hands.

But if you don't feel that you can get past this anytime soon, leave. Or make him leave. Because you shouldn't feel trapped your whole life married to someone you don't trust. That's no life for you, that's no example for your children. He did you wrong. Very wrong. And kept it a secret for years. Don't feel like you can't kick his tail to the curb and go after him for child support too. He made his bed(s). He can pay the price... Everyone has to be accountable for their actions sometime...

Answer 20

Well you are the only one who knows how much you love him. You can forgive him, but you definitely won't forget. I think it is worth trying to work out. Just don't take it out on the child because the child is innocent and deserves to have a father in his life, he doesn't have to have anything to do with the mother but he can't shut out his child.  

Answer 21

How do you forgive him you don't.

You can have  better.

Answer 22

Usually after a partner cheats it doesn't work out.  I'm not saying it wont for you, but it will take a lot of work.  Everytime he leaves the house are going to have to worry about where he's going?  You wont be able to trust him again.  It'll eat away at you.  You can do so much better, you deserve so much better.  You might try and work it out, but it'll probably just be time wasted.  I hope everything works out for you.  Good luck!

Answer 23

Every emotion that you feel right now is normal. DUMP HIM or forgive him completely. They say if he did it once he will do it again. Dont blame the other girl so much he knew he was married or committed. Unless she was your friend. You are not dumb just in love. Good Luck its hard get Help!  

Answer 24

OH h**l NAA You dont and if u do ur more woman then me  

Answer 25

Don't forgive him. Leave him, get custody of your kids and move on with your life ! !

Answer 26

it's not ur fault at all.....dont thik that if you do! you better watch out..he might be lying.....what you should do is hire a hit man to kill the *****...lol...then you have ur hubby all to urself...........lol im jk...but im sorry cuz idont really know what you should do

Answer 27

Fallen,

     Some guys (not all.  not even most) but some, cheat, and it's nothing that their wives or girlfriends did.  

    Having known some of these people, my observation is that they do it to bolster their own egos,  it's exciting, and they lack the emotional maturity to care about the impact it will have on others.  Some of them really do love their wives or girlfriends.  They just wish they hadn't been caught and they also want to have s*x on the side.  



   I wrote because I've known some people like this, and unfortunately, have known them well enough to talk to them about it, and ask them what the heII they were thinking.  So - I figured I'd share that.

   I do not have advice on how you forgive him.  I know I could not.   The problem is, you can't really ever trust him again.   He can say what he wants but he's a liar, so his words aren't worth c**p.  He can make a new commitment, but the other vows in front of God and family didn't slow him down.  Neither did an illigitimate child out of wedlock with another woman.  

     For me, it would be easier to get over it without the cheater in my life, and to start fresh with someone that wasn't a blatant and repeated adulterer.  Of course, in my case, it would be a wife, but that situation isn't uncommon either and the issues are identical.

Good luck

Kevin

Answer 28

acceptance

Answer 29

get rid of him he committed adultery and still is

Answer 30

i'm going to be blunt.

you are blind and dumb if you stay with him.

he's cheated more than once,

and will undoubtedly do it again.

leave him in the dust, far behind.

and find a real man who knows how to respect and treat a lady.

Answer 31

this is not a right or wrong answer question its just wat u want its plan simple if u think in ur heart he is diff and means he loves u and his kids then ok but if u think he is lying and will probly do it again then maybe u should reconsider if he is even husband or father material