How do you forgive her?

Question

My wife had a long term relationship with another man that ended 5 months ago when I finally found out. She ended it. She will not drive anywhere alone, closed all her computer accounts, etc... . I am trying to get past it but I am struggling. I'll be alright for a while and then it just tears me apart. I still love my wife but I don't think I'm going to make it

Answer 1

What you are experiencing is normal. This was very tramatic for you. It isn't something that can be repaired over night. It takes time to heal and time to learn how to trust again. It's ok to feel what you're feeling. If you need to,  find a counselor and have a one on one session. This may help you vent again and sort out your disappointment. In the meantime, I wish you well and know that you will be ok. Good luck.

p.s.  If you can find it in your heart to conciously forgive her, just as God forgives us, you will begin to feel a sense of peace. It's then that you will begin to move forward.

Answer 2

That's a tough situation.  Eventually it will get worse as you continue to distrust her and she push back.  You need to get into marriage counseling and work on the trust issue because it is very hard for anyone to get over cheating.  It will always be there.  Confront it now, or it will fail.

Answer 3

don't get her pregnant

get out now

get out now

long term while married to you.......get out

Answer 4

i feel your pain.  time will do wonders for you.  just hang on.  if you love her enough you will get through this.  just let time do its magic.  please do hold on to the grudge, it will eat you alive.  not worth it.  if you want to forgive but it's harder to forget.  good luck

Answer 5

This is a hard one question, but not impossible, believe me if you want,you can get out of this situation, even if you think you cant, you can leave her or you can go to marriage counselling......i know it is very very hard for you to accept this but first i think you should go a fix yourself before fixing your wife, why? because you are the one with difficulties on this. Sometimes religion and spirituality has a big healing in this situations.

Answer 6

her actions prove she is remorseful, and sorry.u need to seek some christian counseling, and pray about it.most affair's end in divorce because the betrayer isn't sorry or willing to give it up, but this woman has clearly shown by her actions that she wants u, and not him. give her a chance, put your ego down and focus on restoring your marriage.

Answer 7

forgive and forget

Answer 8

I am going to give you the advice ive been hearing my whole life...

IF YOU DO NOT TRUST SOMEONE YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH THEM...

I know you love and care about your wife but you have to think of the effects this igoingin to have on you both.

With no trust you will make her life a living h**l and that will cause her to hate you and then you will eventually both be miserable for along time.

If you really want to work things out you have to completely forgive and forget.Never bring it up again. If you cant do it end it.

Remember this.

She did it once .shame on her.....She does it twice.Shame on you.

Good Luck  

Answer 9

You don't.  You kick her out and move on with your life, you deserve better then her.  Think about it this way, you finally get through all this, forgive her and begin trusting her again only to find out that she is back with this other man again.  Then get to go through all the pain twice.

Answer 10

Its going to be some time before you feel you can trust again. Forgiving her is a good star.t If she is honest in her apology you should for give her. Most importantly find out why she did it. What was missing, that she felt she was not getting in her marriage. The more you understand it will help you to forgive.

Answer 11

You can make it if you pray about it. You can't forgive by yourself you need God's help and that is the only way it is going to get better.

Answer 12

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Marriage is a challenge. Sometimes people have a hard time with keeping the vows, especially if the idealistic expectation fell slight. Forgiveness is also a hard thing because there are degrees of it. You don't seem able to reach the level of forgiveness you would like to.

On one hand you have forgiven her but you haven't forgiven the action of what she did. Its okay. You aren't running a marathon on forgiveness.

You are still feeling the ego deflation and the betrayal. It takes a while to get passed those feelings.

One way though is to realize you are in no way at fault for her behavior. Even if (and I don't know) you were not quite compatible sexually, it was her responsibility to let you know what she needs; so she can't put that on you. And if it was some other thing lacking in the marriage, unfaithful is not a way to work it out. I would be about finding out how trust-worthy she is. Is there something in her that makes her think cheating is an okay solution? Has she learned anything and will she do it again? Getting caught makes sincere change a bit doubtful. I think you should get some advise from a nuetral person. like a counselor. Oh yeah, that would be me!

Answer 13

Her ending it is a good start.  The two of you need to work together on this to rebuild your relationship. My marriage fell apart because my husband and I did not work things out together after he cheated.  We tried to fix things separately, forgetting to communicate with one another.  Though, I've seen some of my friends go through this and their marriages survived and are stronger than ever.

Read the book "Not Just Friends" by, Shirley Glass.  It explains how the breakdown of marriages can happen when people stop protecting them.  It also explains how good people can end up cheating on their spouses.  The book has sections for all the parties involved in marital infidelity--the cheater, the one who was cheated on, and the other man/woman.

http://www.shirleyglass.com/