How do you forgive your father?

Question

He disciplined us with a belt for just about anything, and while he never hit my mom that I know of, he made her cry all the time. When I was 23 or 24 he came out of the closet, which gets him sympathy from everyone I know, and I was OK with him for a while, until I found out he hit my sister over some money issues. I've wasted a lot of my life being angry, need to move forward, but on the other hand, nobody hits my sister.

Answer 1

I have never had this issue but I would reccomend that you should talk to a counsler or  someone so you can let out your feelings. Goodluck and stay strong!!!!

Answer 2

well. my father walked out on me and my mom when i was 4 and came back when i was 8. i have never forgiven him. i hold grudges and i never forget. well. i hate him. thats all i can say.

Answer 3

Thats very good that your sticking up for your sister! Yay you! Anyways, do relatives or your mom know of this? If not, I STRONGLY suggest you tell someone. If they know and are just being 'uh-so what?' about it, then I'd tell him straight to his face.

"Why are you always spanking us? I don't care if we robbed a bank, but spanking us is NO way to shpw disipline. No matter how old."

So, again I am SO happy that your trying to stick up for your sister, just don't make this a big problem.

hope this helps!

**Mi♥a**

Answer 4

you dont, you either just forget he existed completely at least that is my method.

Answer 5

Your father was an abusive b*****d.   Why would you WANT to forgive him?  Forgiving him means what he did was OK.

You have to GET PAST IT, not forgive him.   Never speak to him again, never see him again, but get on with your life.

Answer 6

First off it already happen so you have to learn how to let it go. As a kid i was abused by my sister physically mentally verbally. My mom was a single mom and I didn't know what was going on at the time i was only 4 but figured it got out of control. I can't remember much of my child hood, some are fuzzy, but i remember times where she would look me in closet, tie me up, tap my mouth shut, beat me, threaten to kill me. Kicked me. pretty much everything. called me lots of name told me i wasn't good enough. Just alot of things. I was angry for a long time. In tell i realized there nothing i can do to change any of that. I was acting so tough so ridge was only to prove to her that i was worth something, but that the thing I shouldn't have to prove anything to her. I knew who i was. Also I understand your made about him hitting your sister and no one does that but let it go since you werent there. Start changing now. Let that be your mark. and if he does it again. Then you go over there and punch him reall hard and tell him no one hits your sister. Then you take your sister and you leave. You proved what you had to prove that you were a man, but if you keep beating him. You'll be just like him. So the true test is if you can walk away.  

Answer 7

your 1st priorty is you and your little sister - is there a relative that you trust who can take you guys in?  I learned to move on with my life and to get out is hard but a must.  My father hit my brothers and my mom and when I was old enough I moved out at 18 years old with my boyfriend who is now my husband of 14 years.   My situation was different because my mom did not speak to me for months after I moved out, she felt that I abandoned her when infact she did not want to come with me.  My father was abusive for years and I have nothing to do with him now and he is not someone I would ever consider forgiving.  My mother and I have stopped talking just recently and I  think it all came down to her not protecting me when I was a child and I did more of the protecting her.  Take care of you and your sister and try your best to move on and out.  

Answer 8

It's really hard.. my father said some really things to me growing up and I can't forgive him. He hurt me way to much and words stick with you. If anything maybe go to a family therapy session? That is, if you want to still stay in touch with him. I know that isn't the best for everyone, but it wouldn't hurt. Good luck.

Answer 9

Your father needs professional help to deal with his issues. He is what he is, all you can do is move out of his area as quickly as possible and provide a safe haven for your sister.

Answer 10

I dont see what coming out of the closet has to do with anything. A jerk is a jerk, no matter what the sexuality is. You need to confront him about his hurting not only your sister, but you as well, and if he still thinks its ok you to like shut him out of your life or something.