How do you get a video game addicted kid to do somethin else more constructive?

Question

My friend doesn't have custody of her kid, the father does, and she gets to see her son only during the summer. The boy is ridiculously addicted to video games and she hates it. She really wants him to be interested in reading, hiking and creating art but he doesn't care about stuff like that.

If I was her I would simply take away the video game but she says he has a hissyfit out of this world, yells at her (which I wouldn't take) and she rather give him what he wants. I deal with kids in a totally different way, I rather a kid hate me rather than let them get what they want and spend 12 hours a day playing video games and nothing else.

I want to give her advice but I don't have a kid myself and I feel sorry for her. I think I could be too mean in my advice. What do you think? How do you get a video game addicted kid to do somethin else more constructive?

Answer 1

Something we do at our home is using an incentive system.  In other words, he gets an hour of playing time a day if he achieves certain goals...pick up toys...spends time with mom...goes for a walk with mom...etc.,  once he does those things he can have his game time. You shouldnt use it as a punishment but as a goal.  Simply,  You arent keep him from playing computer games, he simply didnt do what he needed to do in order to earn it.  It would honestly help if Dad did the same thing at his home...it sends confusing messages and children pick up on the hot buttons.  I can tell you from experience that this type of system works well...we have 6 kids who we use this method with every day :)

Good luck,

William

Answer 2

Tell the kid... video games are not allowed at my house. They must stay at dads.

Nothing wrong with putting the foot down.

Answer 3

I take the video game away from him whether he likes it or not. My son used to be the same way. I guess with Fathers the best fun they can have with their child is to play video games with them. It's okay for a short period of time, but not all day and every day. At one point I had to hide all of the video games so we can start doing other activities that will stimulate the mind and get him to be more active, like riding his bike, playing ball outside, swimming etc. I try to take him out as much as I can so he can enjoy the outdoors and not worry about playing video games so much.

Answer 4

id take the game away from him and spend more time outside the house with him. The less time hes indoors the less time he has to play the game or think about the game. He will get use to spending quality time with his mother and need the game less. but it take time and devotion to try this. Your Friend has to be willing to give her son all her attention while hes with her. Don't even allow him to bring the games while hes with her. GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 5

She might want to take the kid to get some counselling.  He is left to cope with his parent's divorce, being separated from his mother, and picked up and moved twice a year.  It's no surprise that he is moody or that he is escaping into a fantasy world of video games.   Perhaps, family counselling will help him to pull out some of those issues, examine them, and deal with them, and see the need for more balance in his lifestyle.

She cannot change his interests, but she can change his activities.  Put the kid in a different environment in which there are no video games.  Sign him up for some organized activities.  Swimming, karate, weight training, etc.   The exercise will elevate his mood, and boys are always glad to get a little more muscle mass.  He might even meet someone to hang out with.

She might even consider signing him up for a week long summer camp, where the kids stay the whole week.   The good ones don't encourage video games, or allow them only for limited periods.

She should also spend some time with him and take him places.  Drive through a national park at dusk and watch for wildlife like deer and rabbits, wild turkeys, possums, raccoons and lightning bugs.  Invite a couple of his friends, and go to a park and grill some burgers and dogs.   Maybe even rent a cabin and stay overnight.  Bringing a friend along will help him to find something else to do besides wish he had his game.  Get up first thing in the morning and do a little fishing.   Drive through a safari park.

If he's old enough, make him get a job.   The experience of working will be educational, and he'll like having the extra money.  

I would let him have the video games, but as a reward for doing other things that were assigned.  For instance, he gets the video game AFTER he has done some chores, or AFTER he gets home from swimming class.   I would try to gauge his ability to handle being separated from the video games, since it sounds like he is addicted to them, and try to make progress, but not try to go too far, too fast.

There is one other option, and it is a very unethical one.   She might sabotage the game.  This should be done ONLY if she is willing to replace it, maybe even with a newer model.    It's not the option I prefer.  I would just take the thing away from him.  But, if a glass of water were to get dumped on the thing, then he would need a new one.  And, it would put her in a better negotiating position to set some ground rules before handing over a new game.

Answer 6

I'm with you on the just take it away option. sure the kid will scream and yell. but thats what bedrooms are for.

My boys earn video games like an alowance.

except for rare days when it's the weather is to bad to be out side. they get 3 hours per week. they can chose to use it all at once{this choice is alowed only on weekends} or they can split it up. but first chores and homework {if during school} must be done.

Answer 7

she would have to take it away completely and get him out doing other things with her and yes he will have a fit and get mad and then he will get over it and realize that other things are fun too.

Answer 8

If you take the games away completely there will be big time rebellion. You need to say there is only X amt of time that can be put toward games. The rest of the time has to be away from the thing. It will come down to how adamant a parent is about it. Giving in to the kid because he/she has a hissy fit is not going to do anyone any good. Sorry kids, but life is about more than playing games.

Answer 9

Take the games away. Let him have a fit. Explain to him that when he is with her there will be no games, they are going to find other things to do together.  Don't have any games in the house. He will get over being mad. He may also find a new hobby and it could follow him when he is at his dads. She needs to stick to her guns and when she says no she means no.  Have other things already planned or on hand before he comes.  She could get a membership at the YMCA if there is one near her. Buy him a skateboard and take him to a skate park. Give him a taste of a few things and then see what he likes the most. Try having him plan meals and cook. She might even find something new she is interested in and this could create a bond between them. Something that only they do when they are together.

Answer 10

I agree with you; she needs to take the games away, period! As long as they're available, he'll want them. Bottom line, she needs to be the mom and let him know that there will be NO games at her house.

He may throw a hissy fit at first, but he'll get over it eventually, when he sees his mom means business! Then, I would maybe get him involved in the YMCA for some activities or take him to the library, the park, a movie, etc.

Answer 11

She either needs to take the gaming system away or only allow him certain times to play the games. For example, if he takes out the trash he gets 30 minutes. If he cleans his room he gets 30 minutes. But only allow him 1.5 of gaming time a day or whatever time she chooses.

I completely agree with you. I would just take it away and let him whine like a little baby. There are more important things than video games, and he is missing out on alot just sitting on his butt doing nothing all day.

Answer 12

Because she doesn't have custody of him she can't control what happens when he isn't there. It does also depend on how old the child is. With my boys, they aren't allowed to play video games during the week while school is in, only on the weekends. This way they can focus on their school work.

She just wants to make him like her and not be angry with her for not being with him all of the time. She wants to please him so that he would want to come to her house more in the future.

Unfortunately, for her she is supposed to be his parent not his best friend. If she gives in now what happens when he wants to take her car without a driver's license, or when he wants to have s*x in her house, or even drink in front of her. She needs to get a grip now or else she will be on Oprah telling all about her son who beats her and does whatever he wants to her without any regards.

Answer 13

She needs to take the video games away and deal with his tantrums.  When she gives it right back to him, she's reinforcing that tantrum behavior.  She's the parent - she needs to take charge and get rid of the video games, and take him out somewhere hiking or wherever to get his mind off of them.