How do you get back to the person you used to be in a relationship after you have a jaded attitude?

Question

Before I was in a couple of bad relationships, I used to be really thoughtful and creative in my relationships. But now, I have found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and I just don't think I am giving him the best of me because I am jaded. It's almost like I feel he owes me because of my past relationships. In my head and my heart I know that isn't true, but how to go go back when the person you want to be with now is used to how you have become and now is no longer romatic either (I feel like I have brought him down) an now neither one of us are like that anymore. I really want to give this man the best of me and don't really know where to start. I have tried a few things, like leaving him little notes and making sure I tell him how much I appreciate him, but sometimes I don't think he takes me seriously, because our relationship hasn't been like that for the last six months or so. Please help, I need to fix this before it is too late and can't be fixed and since I was the one that started us down this path, I feel like I am the one that needs to take the first steps to get back on track.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. I had a couple of experiences with men in the last year that I have found have had a negative effect on my current attempts at starting a relationship. I find myself worrying that I will do something to "drive men away" because that is what happened in my past two experiences. Both guys stopped talking to me and I had convinced myself that it was because of something I did. I am not currently in a relationship but, there is someone that I am interested in and I have had to try to be really conscious of how I interact with him so that I don't measure him by those past experiences. My best advice for you would be to really take some time to analyze your past relationships and why they didn't work out and why they were bad so that you can recognize what sets you off in your current relationship. I think what you are doing so far is a good idea and you are off to a good start to bring things back but, your new man may still sense the feelings that brought you to this point in the first place. Men can understand a lot more about these feelings than we give him credit for. I think it would help if you took the time to look at your past see what got you there in the first place and enlist your new man's help. That could help bring you closer together.

Answer 2

Have you tried a sincere apology for your behavior?  Sit him down, look him in the eye and acknowledge to him that you recognize the damage that you've done.  Make some promises to him about certain things you plan to do to prove to him that you want to change....and do them !!

Answer 3

Until you get your issues resolved, either by your self, or with the help of a counselor, don't bother getting in any sort of solid relationship.....you likely aren't capable of one of those....... you aren't what you want to be, and so your relationship(s) won't be either....

You need to find out who and what your are before you try to be something with someone else.

Answer 4

I think you are moving on in your life.  My husband left me after 27 yrs  and didn't speak or write to me in 7 months but one time.  He ran out of kids to move in with and called to come back home.  He returned, but, the little things like note leaving and romantic gestures just aren't there anymore.  I've moved on and am changing inside, and you may be doing this too.  I can't get back to where we were, and to pretend is not right.  So, we just go through the day (he retired).  Go within yourself.  This partner may leave, but, YOU are under construction right now.  I've learned of strength and  becoming more resourceful.  I'm 59 and you will cross the bridge, too.  Good luck.  

Answer 5

I am with you hun. I feel your pain. I highly recommend one of these relationship seminar/marriage communication workshop weekends. It sounds corney but they offer really great, fun activities. If he will consider it, go to a good marriage counselor. Your problem is more typical than you think.