How do you get over anger at your husband??

Question

Tell me if I'm over reacting:

My daughter's been having a tough time going to sleep in her crib (she's 15 mo. and teething terribly right now). She spent the night at my MIL last night. I asked my hubby to talk to her about making sure she fell asleep in the crib at my MILs house. I called to check on her this am and MIL said, "oh, she did great. she fell asleep on my chest and slept with us all night." I turned to my hubby and said, "I guess you didn't talk to your mom."

He said, "oh, I forgot." an argument insued, and then he said, "well I guess deep down inside I didn't really care."

so, then it turned from, 'you didn't tell your mom' to 'we have to agree on how we parent.' my point is if we talk about something and come to an agreement, we stick to it or talk about it again. Then i got accused of 'just coming up with somethign to argue about.' Totally untrue!

What the heck?????? I'm so pissed, we arent' talking and he's being an ***. Am I in the wrong here??

Answer 1

Think on this.  In the long run, is it worth it to stay mad over something so small in the grand scheme of things?  And is it really going to hurt things if every once in a while grandma spoils her grandchild?  

If this was something that was occurring every day then I'd be concerned.  Maybe your husband didn't know how to tell his mother how to parent.  That's kind of a hard thing to say to your own mother especially for a guy.

You may have overreacted because you were tired.  A few nights of no sleep and a teething infant will do that to you.  I'm sure you love your husband and don't want to fight over this anymore than you have to.  Personally, I'd apologize even if I didn't think I was in the wrong in this situation to end things.  Being prideful and stubborn only makes things worse from my experience.

After that take a few days to let things settle then talk it out.  Tell him that it hurts you when he says he'll do something but then doesn't.  Ask him if it would be easier for him if you talked to his mom together or find a way to compromise on issues that involve extended family.

Answer 2

you are right to an extent but if your baby is having a tough time sleeping then you should be grateful that grandma got her to sleep and kept her that way.. I'd say take a deep breath and tonight talk to your husband and tell him you are sorry for overreacting and that you though your were both on the same page and that you need to work together as a team.. don't let being tired get in the way of you and your husbands relationship.

Answer 3

no your not in the wrong,i had that with my husband all the time and his mother in law.

I gave up in the end got out of the marriage and parent my 2 girls the way i want to and there are no arguments

Answer 4

men are like that,, mines a dumbas$ too

try not to b too upset about it though,, you got your night out,,, i dont get that at all cos i have 4 kids and a motherinlaw and mum who will not look after them all night long,, so i go nowhere!

men just dont give a d**n about anything that dosent interest them xxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 5

you wasnt in the wrong at all he should have told her becaue you all are the parents im going through something like that myself and my husband is so stupid he doesnt care what i say about our son he thinks his parents has the say so i cant say anything without him taking it the wrong way but anyway he should have told her because that goes agianst you two and that shouldnt have happend he should have cared enough to go by your all' s wishes but he didnt  

Answer 6

Well, us moms , a lot of times, have nothing to think about but our kids. Our husbands think about a lot of other things. So they tend to forget a lot.

I get mad at my husband because he forgets things regarding the baby and it makes me mad. I dont think he is doing it on purpose. Or that he doesn't care. However, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and he shouldn't come back with mean remarks. He is just mad at you for thinking he doesn't care.

When my husband went away for a week....my mind was so full of so many things that I needed to do that I forgot things regarding the baby.

Answer 7

He obviously did not find your request to have her sleep in the crib that important........and really......is it? Does it really and truly matter where she slept if she got a good nights sleep? It is just one night.

This really has nothing to do with parenting.....there was really no harm done to your child, you or your husband because of a bad parenting decision. Seriously, I do feel you overreacted....A better response probably would have been....."Honey, please don't forget to tell your mom next time that we prefer her to sleep in the crib."  

Answer 8

Is there a reason you can't talk to your MIL? Why did you want your husband to play middle man? I used to call and lay out the ground rules (sleeping arrangements, food, whatever)...open honest communication from you to her will help a lot!

Answer 9

Yes, you're overreacting. It's only one night, pick your battles and save your swords for a fight worth having.

Same goes for your husband.

Answer 10

You ever heard the saying you want something done right you have to do it yourself?  I love my hubby to death i really do.  But i always give him c**p the day that he takes the trash out without me reminding him 5 million times i will die of a heart attack out of surprise.  Seriously this is no excuse but you have to look at it this way.  Men are not like woman.  We can cook, clean, take care of are kids, pay are bills and do laundry etc..  All at once.  Men do not multi task like woman do.  And often if theres a game on or video games to be played.  Its easy to forgot.  So do what i do.  I write post it notes and put them on the xbox or the tv.  So he sees them and theres no excuse.  I have to agree with the other poster.  Pick and choose your battles.  If your child was having a problem with sleeping and she slept on your mils chest.  Then really why be angry?  Your child needs sleep.  Now if it was the situation that you did not want your child having candy or something and she gave it to them.  Then i could understand your anger.  Anyways good luck!

Answer 11

One night of sleeping out of her crib, especially a night in a different house, one that's not her home, is not going to affect the habits that you're trying to teach her at home, in her own bed.  It was going to be different, anyway - a different house, a different crib - so, this one extra 'different' isn't that big of a deal.

And, well, you respect and love your husband, right?  You respect the way he thinks, reasons, his intelligence - and you share the same parenting goals & values, right?  Instead of assuming that he's being lazy or disrespectful to you, have you tried to understand why he wasn't comfortable talking to his mother regarding this, feeling empathy for him, and coming up with a solution that would respect him & his journey, while still accomplishing your shared parenting goals?  

I agree with the others who said "pick your battles", but I would also add, work together with your partner as a parenting team, building on each other's strengths, supporting each other & treating each other with respect.  

Answer 12

There are lots of good reasons to be mad at your husband... cheating on you, deliberately lying to you, saying hateful things to you, forgetting your birthday/anniversary, etc...  You get the picture.  But this isn't one of them.  He forgot because, like he said, he didn't think it was that important.  If he knew how you'd react, he probably wouldn't have forgotten.  I'd forgive him and go on with life.  Making up can be really fun, by the way!  

The only thing I don't understand is why hubby didn't keep baby overnight at home.  Maybe he had to work... but if not, I'd be more mad that he isn't able or willing to take care of his own child when you aren't there.  He isn't one of those dad's who say they are "babysitting" their own child is he? When I hear dads say that I say "no, you are being his/her father, you aren't babysitting."

He's going to make all kinds of mistakes along the way and he's not going to do things the way you do them but as long as he tries then grant him some mercy and don't be mad at him.  And DON'T hold a grudge unless it's over something worth it.