How do you get rid of feelings you don't want?

Question

I have been with someone I love for around 10 years now. We are married and he is one of my best friends but there is little to no s*x life.

I have lived with this for a long time but now something has changed. I seem to be developing crushes on people I meet. There has been 2 so far and I haven't acted on them but I'm starting to feel like it's only a matter of time. I become obsessive about these crushes and thoughts of them enter my mind all the time. It is distracting and frustrating.

I really don't want to cheat but as time goes on I feel myself getting weaker and weaker.

I have talked to my husband about this maybe 2 or three times. First time in quite a subtle way and the third time I told him I had started thinking about other people in a sexual way. He didn't seem to have much of a reaction. I don't know where to go from here.

I'd really like to here other married women's stories if you have had a similar experience and how you go through it.

thanks.

Answer 1

when you have been starving for a very long time, you are bound to get vvery hungry. and in such a state if you come across a plate full of delicious goodies, how can you resist.

but.........remember you have been hungry for a long time, so eating too much too soon can cause indigestion. so its best not to give in to the temptations.go for smaller healthier meals.

what i am trying to say is that try and find something that will keep you busy and satisfy your inner self. then you wont feel the need to indulge in any immoral activities.

remember , an empty mind is a devil's workshop. so get busy. go to the gym. go to the beautician, go shopping, get a job. just do something. then these distractons wont come in your way.all the best.

Answer 2

Yes, most definately so!  No matter how sedate things are at home, if he is lacking in some department, it'll come to surface. You may start feeling a little 'left out' when friends share how certain things are wonderful in their household. Things that are not apparant in yours. But once you start mindwondering, it can lead to more.  Fantasy's are ok, because you can still fantasize while in a well rounded relationship, however, in your case *danger*. He is blase about you thinking of others in a sexual way, at this moment, perhaps because he's not truly digesting it. DON'T TEST HIM though. Just keep pushing the issue until he is really LISTENING to you, and can give a more educated response. Then go from there, but please don't cheat on him...he could be comfortable with the lifestyle you share, and obviously feels you are too. This is going to be a shocker for him, so be careful ok? Good luck.  

Answer 3

I am not married but I was in a serious relationship for a few years, we lived together, might as well of been a marriage...

And even so, I can understand when you are not getting something you need it is only natural to seek it elsewhere - even if you're not purposely doing so.

My ex began to push me away, at home he would take long afternoon naps before I went to work at night and avoid me all day long...  I was hurt and lonely and began to find myself attracted to someone who gave me the attention I deserved. Someone who smiled at me and talked to me and wanted to take me out.

I was seeking emotional attention as you may be seeking more physical. Either way, we all have basic mental, emotional, and physical needs.  First of all, understand you're normal.  Secondly, to help your marriage it always comes down to communication.  If he is having little to no reaction that may not mean he isn't feeling something on the inside by what you're telling him.  I hate to say, could there possibly be something else going on in his life with someone?     It takes two, to keep a marriage working and he has to be willing to put in the other half of the effort otherwise things will eventually fall apart.

Its starting with the little s*x life, and you find yourself gravitating towards other men, what happens if you act on that and he finds out... I mean the point is things could slowly crumble from any one of our needs not being met when we can't openly share that and fix the issue... because when theres a problem that isn't being dealt with, like you, its only natural to find other ways around it....

I hope you can express to him your concerns and what you think this could do to your marriage if both of you don't put in the effort needed.

In my relationship, we went to a couples counselor. It was an akward experience but its certainly an option.

I think before you let yourself give in, keep trying to get through to your husband.  He needs to understand what could be at stake and how much you love him and want for the best...but he has to be willing to talk about the s*x issue so you can both improve upon things and help your relationship rather than possibly damage it.

I hope everything will be ok for you

Answer 4

I dont see how you can still develop feelings with other men when you're so inlove with your husband?,, I mean, wow, that's quite an issue.

If it's only crush, then you are on the safe side.. but if it turns out to something more, Whoa!.. You've got to go out and spend time alone and think about what you really want.  

Answer 5

First off. I am not married. However, I will give you my point of view from an outsider's prospective. I think you should try to talk to him more in depth about it. He is your best friend, therefore you should be able to trust your instincts to talk to him about anything. ASK him for an answer. ASK him what you could do to rekindle your s*x life. ASK him what it is that has him not interested or not wanting it as much as he used to. DO NOT settle for an answer like, ''I am older and not that into it anymore.'' Get to the bottom of it.

Stay strong and stay faithful to him. I know this is difficult. But that is part of marriage is to work through your problems. You love him and he loves you very much, keep it that way.

Some other tactics to get his attention: Are you adventureous in the bedroom? Have you thought of possibly trying toys, videos, something different besides what you are used to or in the norm? A lot of different couples who come to a plateau in their s*x lives spice it up a little bit. I know a couple who even incorperated another couple to solve it. It is called swinging. I can say it worked for this particular couple, but I can't say that it is necessarily the healthiest thing to do. They are wild and do things out of norm majority of the time in their marriage. May I make a point to stress that they do have full time jobs, and two children. Yet, they are able to make it work.

Good luck and I hope this advice helped you a little.

Answer 6

My situation isn't really the same as Ive only been with my other half for a year but I lack any attention and sometimes (not like a brat) I do want it.

I have been offered a one night stand by a guy I have been with before. Were friends and it was just for fun at the time. I have contemplated doing it but it's not fair. my other half thinks im moaning when I say I would like to spend more than 1 or 2 nights together a week and that he is really busy. It is frustrating coz he wont listen.

I can't really help as I cant change my situation either but all I can say is sit him down and tell him seriously that you are considering another sexual partner. maybe he will want you to be happy and agree to it. You never know.

Good Luck

Answer 7

mabe he's not intrested because he's giving it to someone else, however if this is the case don't be the one that caves.

If your are unhappy leave for someone that fills your needs.

Why is it I hear in the answer section all the women that want s*x all the time and I get it four times a year?

I would give it up all the time and these men that have women just wanting it all the time don't ....i dont get it.

Answer 8

Go ahead and cheat, there's nothing wrong in it. If you are not being loved at home, seek it elsewhere.

Answer 9

The best thing you can do is control your thoughts. It takes some time and discipline, but it can be done.  Every time you find yourself thinking about these "crushes," force yourself to think about something else, something positive.

Also, if your husband isn't reacting to your direct statement that you're thinking of other men, then something is deeply wrong.  You need to confront the problems in your marriage, or anything else will only be a stop-gap measure.  It's not normal or healthy for a man to not be interested in s*x.

Finally, don't feel guilty for having sexual desire.  It's normal and healthy.  We were created to be sexual creatures.  You just need to find a way to deal with the desires that doesn't include cheating on your husband.

Answer 10

maybe he is g*y