How do you get your boyfriend back when he says he needs time alone coming out of a 22 year marriage? ?

Question

My boyfriend and i had been friends for more than 10 years. He split up with his exwife and about 3 monthes later he wanted to start seeing me. I advised him i was worried that it would hurt are friendship but he stated that would never happen. We have been seeing each other for 1 year now very seriously. In the beggining of our relationship his son died and he was deeply hurt. I have conforted him as much as possible and helped him through his divorce which was final in June. He tells me how much and deep his love is for me and we get along very well. He has always worried that people in including his exwife thought we had a affair but we didnt. We never were seen much in public. He has called it off three times during this year in fear of people talking. He assured me things would be ok in time. Now he called me up asked me to come over and tells me he wants time to be alone and wants us to go back being just friends and maybe we can get back together someday and that our bond will always be there. I am very hurt because our love was very deep and i trusted him so much. I told him if thats how he feels he must go do what he needs to do to make him happy. I need some advise on what to do. I have not contacted him just returned a text he sent wondering if i was ok. I have been physically sick and feel so depressed. Help if you have any advise please.

Answer 1

Well if you truly are his best friend, let him go, you knew before hand that you were on thin ice, and you were right.  His head is messed up and all you are is a crutch at this point.  Just leave him alone, if it is meant to be he will come back.

Answer 2

He doesnt love you. Move on. Sounds like he still loves his ex.

Answer 3

He used you. It may have been unintentionally but he did.

You got him through some rough times but now he wants to let you go and still remain friends.  And what kind of friendship will you have when he starts dating someone else?  Because he will eventually.

If he doesn't want to go forward in your relationship then tell him it has to end . Tell him there is no way you can remain friends, wish him luck and tell him not to contact you again.

Don't be willing to give him more of your life.  He could keep you hanging on a long time and prevent you from finding someone to love that loves you back and can give you marriage, children and a home.

He doesn't want you that way but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.

Best of luck. You sound like a wonderful woman and it will be his loss.  Someday he may find that out but it will be to late.  Don't wait on the side line hoping he will change his mind. He won't.  22 years is a long time to be married. He probably wants to play the field and not get tied down again or ever.

Be strong and end it now.  

Answer 4

Move on if you are in a hurry. 22 years of marriage is not easy to get over. Your friendship was deep and I think it was regretable changing it. Cant wind back time so just find someone else.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like if it wern't for back luck you would have none at all.sounds like you love him and are willing to help him through and that is great. always remember who cares what others think if you are both happy and it will work out.good luck

Answer 6

You need to love yourself more than you care for him. Stop being his yo-yo. I want you,-I don't want you right now. You are responsible for your own happiness, not him. We love people because of how we feel about ourselves when they are in our lives. He does not feel totally right about himself, having you...so let him go and find his own happiness...Stop being his push-pull toy for comfort and s*x. What about what you want. Is he making you feel good about yourself when you think of him. Well, then. Open up yourself to others to see if someone can care for you and you for them. You deserve better treatment. Good luck with common sense.

Answer 7

You made a mistake and you state it clearly that you were aware of the risks and choose to jump in anyway.  You "advised him" but didn't listen to your own advise. You also blame him for everything you have chosen that has hurt you, but again, you choose to ignore your thoughts and follow your feelings.  This is never a good plan.

This gentleman is not and should not be available for at least a year.  He needs time to become himself.  He needs to become his own man before he becomes someone Else's.

Let this one go.  If it was the right match, it would have come together easily.  Find a relationship where there is admiration and respect, not just love.  Love is not enough.  

Don't ever get in to a relationship that you would not advise your daughter to get in to.