How do you get your children to respect you but not fear you?

Question

How do you get your children to respect you but not fear you?

Answer 1

They need to know the rules and you have to be consistent with your punishments when a punishment is required - if you make a threat you have to carry it out.  For instance if they're being naughty at the swimming pool or the library (just as an example) and you tell them to stop what they're doing or you'll go home and they don't stop, then you have to carry out the threat and go home.  That way they learn how far they can push you and that you mean what you say.

Also be honest with them - if you make a mistake, apologise and tell them that adults make mistakes too - so they realise that you're not faultless either.  

I've tried to do all the above and it seems to be going well so far - nearly at teenage years now though and I'm sure it'll all go to pot then - ha ha (but I'm prepared for that!).

Answer 2

it might sound silly but i get all my parenting tips from programs like super-nanny and nanny 911 you''l be surprised what you can learn from it!

Answer 3

Be a good role model and a good listener.  Set guidelines and show consistent rules for them to follow and discuss what the consequences will be for not following the rules.  Talk to them don't yell at them.  In our busy lives we tend not to be open minded when they have something to say or an idea thats different then ours.  I've found that sometimes their ideas will work if given the chance.  Compromise can be an option when you both have two different opinions.  Keep the conversation between you going don't shut them down by yelling to try to teach them something.  They don't come with instructions that's for sure but stop and think about your responses back to them before blurting out an answer. Being firm and consistent with your guidelines and setting boundaries for them and mostly loving them because they are Gods gift thats for sure.  

Answer 4

Being respectful and loving to my children caused them to be respectful and loving to me.  My children do not fear me because I do not re-act to my anger and frustration towards them.  Sure, I am human.  I DO get angry and frustrated sometimes.  But I do not act out because of it.  My children do not see me yell, hit, spank, slam things around, stomp or any other 'tantrum's behavior that is cause by anger and frustration.  I have never 'lost control' and did something harmful to them because I was angry at them so they do not fear me doing something harmful to them .Any punishments (and in our house that does include a spanking sometimes) has never been because of my (or my husband's) anger or frustration.  It has always been a direct result of their misbehavior, so my children do not confuse punishment with 'mom's temper'.

They respect me because I am respectful of them.  If their bedroom door is shut, I knock, if they are on the phone, I am quiet, if they want to speak, I listen.  If I make a mistake, I apologize.  They see me allow the other driver to come on over into my lane without getting upset.  They watch me speak to other people with respect . All of these things (and more) have caused my children to see that I  am a  person who treats other's with respect and therefore they treat me with respect.  Another wonderful thing about all of this is that they treat other people with respect too.

Children do not have to fear a parent just because he/she uses discipline and sets limits. Respect comes from a mutual understanding of each other's personal value...fear comes from abuse and hatefulness.

Answer 5

By respecting them and giving them consequences and punishments for for their bad behavior that they fear. A child should never fear a parent.....there is no need to instill fear in a child. It is all about consistency. No means no each and every time. If you ground them for a week, that does not mean 6 days. If you take way privileges for a certain amount of time, you better stick to it each and every time. If you do not discipline with consistency, they will walk all over you and never respect you. If you instill fear in them, they will shut down, sneak, lie and never come to you with concerns they have about real issues they face when they are teens.

Answer 6

well.

im pregnant with my first, so i dont know much about kids.

but a good book to reccomend if their toddlers is

"What To Expect The Toddler Years" by Arlene Eisenberg!

:)

Answer 7

basically just show them love and discipline at the same time.they will respect you because you make them listen.