How do you handle anger towards the rude in-laws?

Question

Ok they try really hard to be nice when were over there (all but his sister) but on my wedding day they were not only rude to me but my family and friends. I am so upset with them for causing trouble at our wedding, plus his sister told me "your wedding might be nice but it will never be as wonderful as mine because your cut corners" she said this to me on my wedding day! Plus she wasn't very nice through any of the planing! How do get over it? I am still very upset with them and do not want to deal with them, I am normally the out spoken type but I tried to be quite and let it go but I cant!! What would you do? It has been almost 3 months?

Answer 1

Stop hanging out with your relatives.

My cousin almost 3 years ago accused me of something I didn't said.

We had argument because she was (an keeps) ignoring me for no reason.

I decided a year ago I was no longer going to worry about her, she's definitely not worth it.

So, she keeps ignoring me and I neither talk to her since november 2005.

At first it was difficult to me but now I accepted we (my cousin and me) are not going to get along well.

Just because we have rude relatives and are relatives doesn't mean we have to stand them.

Answer 2

Let it go. It will keep getting worse. As long as you were happy with your wedding what do they care? They are jealous of what you had. There is nothing you can do. They will always try to "one up" you. They will always say theirs is better. So just ignore them. It's what I did.  

Answer 3

You cannot control your rude relatives' behavior but you can control how you deal with the situation.  Dismiss their rude behavior and just do not go out of your way to have them in your lives.  Be civil to them at family occasions but otherwise I would pretty much ignore them. Be the better person and don't talk smack about them.

Answer 4

Minimize contact with your husband's parents and have nothing to do with the sister. Do not, for God's sake, complain to your husband about them.

You cannot confront them because you presumably love your husband and don't want to make things uncomfortable for him. But you can limit your exposure to them. When you do have to be with them, be as pleasant as you can be, then go home comforted by the fact you won't have to see them for a while.  

Answer 5

My favorite answer to rude comments is this:  "Why would you say something like that to me?  Do you realize how rude that sounds?"

I did that twice and oh boy, was I pleased with myself!   HA HA!!  try to put on a pleasant face, go back to the offender and start fresh.   THEN, launch the two questions when you are presented with off-the-wall remarks.  Keeping quiet, sulking, returning rudeness won't solve the problem.  You will gain new found respect, believe me:)

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 6

what has your husband said bout this? don't go to their house for anything, during holidays make them come to you home, being at your house will give you more power...you can tell them to "get out" if they p**s you off.  

Answer 7

Your wedding is over - you have another 50 anniversaries to enjoy, WITHOUT your in-laws.  

My mother  has a saying: never let people live rent-free in your head.

It is  not your problem that your in-laws are a sorry bunch of people.  Your family don't think YOU were rude; they think that that your IN-LAWS were rude.

To take this on further would only be evidence of your own vanity - do you honestly think that your in-laws give you any  thought?  

As George  Michael would  say: Move On

Answer 8

don't go around them

Answer 9

i'll talk to husband and tell him to tell the in-laws

Answer 10

tell your husband he needs to take care of the problem. I would just stay away from them

Answer 11

His sister is jealous of you! Just try to avoid her as much as you can. Maybe you'll end up moving far away, and that will help. It's good that you have tried to be quiet about the wedding, because it won't do any good to say anything anyway, I have a feeling. If it's been almost 3 months, just get yourself busy with other things. The wedding is the past now. If you live really close to the in-laws, maybe you can work on a way that you and your new hubby can sort of "escape" from them now and then. It should be just the two of you doing everything together for now, anyway. Go off to movies, the park, the lake, whatever. Go have fun and forget them. It's your life now. You might tell your husband that they hurt your feelings, but that might not even help. So, just go off and have your own life without them in the picture as much as possible, but if you're always nice to them, they can hardly fault you,huh? Good luck!

Answer 12

I understand how frustrating it can be to have to deal with people who are arrogant, but try to let it go. There is nothing you can do to change them, and by remaining angry you will only be more frustrated yourself. But I have a feeling you already know this.

I've generally found that a good dose of compassion will quench any long-standing anger. She's insulting you on your wedding day? Well, I'd feel bad for her for not being able to enjoy her brother's wedding! It's a bit sad to see people who aren't able to partake in the fun of others, isn't it?

The poor lady may not be happy with her own life or may feel an excessive need to prove herself to others. Maybe she feels that in order to be in control of herself and her life she needs to feel that she is always a step ahead or doing better.

But you're not like that, right? You're a nice person and you try to be nice to your in-laws, so good for you!

I would try to be nice to her as much as possible and let them realize on their own terms that their behaviour is rotten. Any kind of confrontation is not guaranteed to make them realize the way they're treating you, so you may as well let it go.

You can talk to your husband about it to get some compassion or even advice on how to handle his sister (he probably knows her quite well!).

In general in-laws can be difficult sometimes. I'm fortunate that my boyfriend's family are great but his sister and his brother's wife don't get along at all because his brother's wife has been holding a grudge that no one really understands. His sister deals with it by being nice to her and trying to connect with her as best she can. She tries not to take it personally.

Usually when we're all together for dinner they loosen up and start to become friendly after a few drinks.

There are a few approaches you could take here. One would be to try to befriend her and show her that you're a good person, hoping that she's soften up towards you. Take her out for dinner or any activity she likes just the two of you.

If this doesn't work, you'll have to work it out with yourself. But in any case, keep in mind that these kinds of comments reflect more on her than they do on you.

There's no such thing as cutting corners on your wedding day. You planned the day the way you saw fit with your husband and nobody has a right to say anything about that. I hope you had a great day, congratulations on your wedding, and please try to enjoy your husband without letting his sister get to you too much! It's ok to be upset of course, but don't let her sour attitude towards you sour your day. It's hard to be nice to people when they're arrogant, but I've always found that I feel better being nice than by adding to the negativity.

Good luck!

Answer 13

As much as it might still be hurting you (and it will continue to do so....as long as u hold a grudge) I'd advise to let it go and forgive her (them). Think of it as their own inadequancies speaking, and it has nothing to do with u. U were just one of the people they reacted to.

Just let it go..

Talking about it, I feel, will stir up animosities and more arguments. And it might create cracks in ur relationship with ur husband too (even if it's not ur fault). Since they are ur hubby's family, and they will be in ur life for a long time, think of this as just one of life's many challenges that will come ur way. Coast over it. Ultimately, ur dignity and respect will show.

I am certainly not saying that u should allow urself to be walked over, surely speak up in certain situations (after thinking about it) but in this situation, I do feel you should let it go.

Be ur nice self always. U know, they might not appreciate it or even reciprocate likewise, but God will appreciate our tries in the right direction (God or higher power...or the bigger, larger force you might believe in).

I should also add that ultimately, do what u think is best and feels right for you in ur situation.

Answer 14

I say take it as love of what your sister in law say, just talk to your husband about not feeling comfortable around his family.

Answer 15

You are very wise to recognize and acknowledge this undercurrent in your relationship with your in-laws early.  It took me years to finally realize what was going on!

First, your sister in law has issues.  Those issues are HER problem -- not yours.  Only you can decide how to let her problems affect you.  I know, sounds simple and silly, but it is TRUE.  But, if you allow her to affect you so strongly, she wins.  If you continue to be upset, then she has accomplished exactly what she set out to do -- make you feel bad because she wants to feel superior.  Wow, this is the oldest trick in the book!

I have been married for 23 years and my sister in law still continues these silly, stupid tactics.  But, I decided a long time ago that I was not going to let her affect me -- and it drives her up the wall!

When your sister in law tries these stupid and childish games, don't react.  Just laugh it off.  It's real hard to do at first, but once you get the hang of it, it gets easier.  You may want to mention to your husband what is going on, in an offhand manner -- not accusing.  Always remember that she is your husband's sister, and don't try to garner support from your mother and father in law because she is their daughter.

Once you truly realize how immature and selfish your sister in law is, you will begin to feel a little sympathy and compassion for her, and will be able to see right through what she is trying to do, and it won't affect you anymore.

Stay strong, live your life to the fullest, enjoy your marriage and enjoy your husband.  Living well is the best revenge toward petty insecure people!

Congratulations on your wedding and best wishes!

Edit:  just read your additional comments about in laws being drunk and disorderly -- since it has been three months, there really isn't much you say to them about their rude behavior at your wedding.  If they were so rude and inconsiderate to do such a thing in the first place, your admonishment of their behavior would most likely fall on deaf ears.  It is very sad that they did such things at an event that was so important for you and your husband, but now you have a glimpse of what your future holds whenever they are around in the presence of alcohol.  It doesn't sound like the two mix very well.

I doubt any of your other guests hold you responsible for what your in laws did -- more than likely they are embarrassed for you and feel pity that you will have to endure their immature actions.  

Always remember, they are responsible for their own actions, not you and not your husband.