How do you handle guests who bring people with them who weren't invited? No matter how much you stress not to?

Question

My fiance's and I invited a certain number of people. We even printed the names of the invitees on the RSVP card so one would know EXACTLY who's invited, but for some reason, some family members feel that it's okay to bring people with them that aren't invited nor are we paying for (It's a plated event)

Answer 1

Have they sent an RSVP card back with additional names?  If so I would encourage either you, your wedding planner, mother or sometimes an unrelated party (like your MOH) works best for this task - call the offending guest.  Tell them "We are very pleased you & Bob will be able to attend the wedding, unfortunately we are not able to accommodate Sally."  If they ask (which would be even more rude!) tell them it's due to occupancy regulations at the venue.  

Chances are you will have at least 2 guests who RSVP'ed yes, not show up.  So if it happens that some guests do show up the day of, there will be room.  Plus, your caterer absolutely has dealt with this before & will know how to handle this situation.  You will not even be thinking about it on your wedding day!  Enjoy!

Answer 2

you accomodate them gracefully, no questions asked. if you make a scene about extra guests during your reception, the only people who will look bad will be you.

see if your caterer offers extra plates at no cost in case of unplanned guests. our catering cost included 5 additional plates of food for that very reason. thankfully we didn't have to use them but it's always a good option to have!

you can address the issue after the wedding, if you must. but even then, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. just be sure to practice good etiquette when it comes to other family events and hope that they get the message.

good luck!

Answer 3

Oh my god, that is beyond rude!  I totally feel you on this one though.  I am actually getting married this Saturday and of course, I have been going thru the process of figuring out who can come and who cant.  Its expensive to have a wedding!  If people are that ridiculously ignorant to the stress and planning that goes into your special day then they have something wrong with them!  

Answer 4

well you could ask them to leave, but that would start a whole thing with the family. it is rude of them to bring other people and you may want to take them aside and tell them that. or you could bite the bullet and don't say anything. sometimes its better to beg forgiveness then ask permission. i take it your new to his or her family so you may not want to make waves this time. good luck.

Answer 5

I would let word of mouth take care of some of it, but if you have a planner or someone who doesn't mind being the bad guy checking in guests as they arrive and politely informing them that extra guests will need to be covered with either cash or a check made out to the bride and groom, they'll either get the message and cough up some cash or they'll huff off and leave. Either way, problem solved!

Answer 6

I would tell them,I'm sorry,but you were not invited.I specifically put it on the invitation and not let them in.

Answer 7

If someone hasn't been to any or many weddings, they may feel it is acceptable to bring a guest that isn't mentioned. Perhaps this was okay with others. I don't know if your event happened already or not, but if it hasn't, or the next time you send out invitations, word them to the effect of "We know that with some couples, it's not forbidden to bring guests, but with us it is." Then, if they still don't listen, don't invite them to another event.

Answer 8

When you know ahead of time that someone is bringing an uninvited guest you tell them that it is a plated affair and there will be no meal and no seat for the extra person.  When they show up at the reception have a friend with the guest list and turn the uninvited away at the door.  If people are going to be so disrespectful as to bring uninvited guests to a wedding they deserve to be disrespected in return by having their uninvited guest stopped at the door.  IF they are embarassed so what they were trying to force your  hand and make you take another guest so they got what they deserve

Answer 9

I attended a wedding once where, on the invitation to the reception, the words...please bring your reception invitation for proper seating' was included. When we got there the only way guests were allowed into the dinning room is to present their invitation and then we were told our table number, by individual name.....I imagine if you weren't assigned to a table, number, you were out of luck.

Answer 10

If they write on the r.s.v.p card that more than the invited amount are coming, you (or mom, or MOH,) call them and let them know that actually only 2 were invited not 4. Or on your r.s.v.p. you could put ____ out of 4 attending, or ___  out of 2 attending, etc. that way when people return them you can make sure they haven't put   5 out of 2 attending or something. And if they did you can call and say hey, only 2 were invited, that's all we have room for. Sorry.  If they just r.s.v.p yes, and then you assume that they are only bringing themselves, but they bring extra guests, then it becomes a sticky situation.

If you absolutely cannot accomadate them, then you could have your planner, or MOH, or best man go let them know that the extra guests weren't invited and you don't have any food for them. But its almost best to just let it go then getting yourself all worked up. Yes I know it was rude on their part, but there is probaly no point in making a scene about it now, because not everyone would understand and they would think you are the bad person.