How do you handle it if you feel your being socially ostracised ?

Question

I feel People no i have psychiatric problems & no about my history so treat me badly, how can i deal with it ?

How would you react & survive in an area where alot of people acted strange & aloof towards you maybe because they knew about you and your psychological problems.....and stigma existed about you ?

im 30, had a very hard, traumatic life, suffer with BPD and ptsd, i live alone in a one bedroom flat on disability, i dont own much possessions except an old computer, a few books etc...no carpets on the floor.

i was bullied and victimised severley throughout my life, in secondary school i fought blacks and was also targeted and victimised by gangs of them very often.

because of that experienced, unfortunatly, regretably, i bottled up a lot of rage & i used to have rage attacks and outbursts in public many years ago.,,,,id lash out at strangers....feel i was being threatened....disconnect with mmy surroundings.....get jealous of happy people......pick fights act aggressive and basically lose control of my conduct ' completley' in public.

sadly this happened many times, and ive been very lucky not to end up in serious trouble.

the outbursts caused people to ostracise me, point and laugh at me....avoid me....socially exclude me.....cause me to get publically attacked many times by loutish rogues......causing me public embarressment & humiliation..

this was about 8 years ago, and was because i bottled up anger for years when i was being severley bullied growing up...and at the amount of sheer times i was victimised bullied..

im now building my life from scratch....ive never been employed...never achieved qualifications.....never formed ANY relationships at all in life....ive achieved nothing only suffered.

i have a minor criminal record.

my long term ambition once i had therapy is to emigrate from the united kingdom with a decent paying job....somewhere near the coast.

but meanwhile, here in the areas where i live right now, ive put up with what i feel is echoes of the behaviour i experienced of the past and i dont no how to handle it sometimes, except become angry and aggressive.

i feel labelled, stigmatised, like theres something documented about me as someone to avoid....even though i have no proof of that.

alot of people, the general public are quite aloof, abrupt, distant and unfriendly towards me.

people cross the road if i walk on same side of road sometimes, library clerks...shop attendants...cashiers are all abrupt, aloof....speak down to me , not speak ' to ' me..

condescend me if im dealing with authority figures , like ive lost my own mind and not aware of myself anymore.

people are standoffish....i get funny stares from blacks sometimes or other members of the public.....like im an alien and dont belong in the same environment.

this really confusses, upsets and aggrevates me as ive put up with this for years and ive made great improvements with my behaviour and anger on my own...without therapy.

i feel alienated & ostracised....i realise not all are like this but most seem to be....even the ones that are nice, it seems a false niceness like they feel sorry for me & because they see whats happening to me..

i try not to be aloof back to people but its hard when you been through what i have...i feel very wary & distrustful. understandably.

i really cant wait for the day i can emigrate from the uk, with a good job and a better life because of all this.

i feel people treat me like the village jester, someone to ridicule, poke fun at...the butt of all laughs and jokes.

ive survived a horrific existance you must understand....i try to readabout hollacaust survivors because i feel so alone in my pain and torment....no one i meet or hear about has survived the torture i have,,

ive suffered mental abuse, physical bullying, rejection , ALL MY LIFE- NO RESPITE, NO BREAKS.

im waiting for therapy right now, have come along way in managing my rage...somedays it surfaces though because of the severe ptsd...which i regret because i work hard to stay in control all the time.

i have other burdens like an injured ankle, torn ankle ligaments...i had an mri scan on it last week...have to be careful how i walk on it...otherwise i can twist it and go down.

my life as been a living nightmare & the only things what keep me hanging on is my future goals of emigration eetc.

but meanwhile, how can i handle peoples strange behaviour towards me which is not going away ?

could i be stigmatised or ostracised ?

Answer 1

if u c yourself as a victim then that's how others will treat u

Answer 2

I don't think comparing yourself to halocaust survivers becasue you got into some fights is a very good idea...

Answer 3

In order to make friends you have to show your self friendly. Fight to overcome your bitterness, and be grateful for each new day wake up with the attitude I will make a new friend to day. Forget your past hurts and rejection and do all in your power to smile at others and before long they will be smiling back at you. God Bless.  

Answer 4

not again surely

Answer 5

Have you asked this question before?  

Answer 6

I don't. I guess you have to find a way of making things work for you. I would suggest some self help books, inspirational things to look at how you approach things. Maybe you need to look at how you project yourself and your body language.

I think you also you need to stop thinking the WORLD is against you.  

Answer 7

You repeatedly ask this question and bore people. Maybe that is why they act that way to you

Answer 8

Its a harsh world my friend the sooner you realise that the better your life will be.

Answer 9

Yes, I feel very compassionate because of your suffering. And you don't want people to be kind just for those reasons. But all I have are your words, and I'm trusting them. Who with any feelings could not feel compassion for you? I agree that you have suffered much. You expressed yourself well. Inward suffering is painful, and while it is difficult to alter, it can be one of the easiest to mend. It just takes work. Your desire to change has to be great enough to put forth the effort required.

We need to consider some questions before I offer my suggestions. Are you not an ordinary looking person? All ordinary people have different looks and actions. But do you walk with a limp or maybe bent over as one would with a back problem? Is your body awkwardly developed in some way or facial disfiguring because of injury or otherwise? If so, it is not unusual nor meant to be demeaning when people look at these things. It is because it is new to their eyes. I've seen people walking with canes. I may look at them and notice strength and determination. Other times, I've admired their most beautiful canes. If that is the case, you probably are not being looked at for ostracising, but care and respect. It is most likely it's your own feelings that are stifling you. Get over it.

If that is not the case, look inside. It seems that you may have carried every hurt and circumstance around with you like a laundry bag on your back. Put the bag down and walk away from it. You can only do that with one thought at a time. We are what we ourselves think. A person inwardly suffers by their inward thoughts. So with each negative thought, 'no body likes me' say ' wow, I'm someone wonderful, people like me and I'm blessed and God loves me'.

Realize that others around you may be dealing with similar problems as you and can't act any different than you do to them. Make some allowances.

You said you can't wait to leave that place and you can't wait to get a job. Start where you are. To not take hold of your life presently denotes to me, self pity, laziness, rebellion, and procrastination. Get up and find a job now. Put as much time and effort in making your present just like you want your future to be.

You said...i really cant wait for the day i can emigrate from the UK, with a good job and a better life because of all this. Don't expect things to change unless you change. Change your attitude so people won't shun you. BE A WINNER WHERE YOU ARE!

Answer 10

assertative training, you must be more assertive, read the book, Don't sweat the small stuff, a great book!!