How do you handle it when people badmouth your relatives?

Question

It pisses me off. This is how I see it: We can talk sh*t about each other all day long but if I hear somebody else doing it, I want to break their neck. My wife, however, thinks it's a bad thing to stick together, and I'm pretty sure that's because her family aren't very loyal to one another. She refers to my collective family members as "the Mafia" and is always making snide comments about how she can't even speak her mind or we're going to gang up and kill her or something. This all stems from one time when she tried to make me look bad to one of my sisters and it backfired on her. I think it's better to be loyal, and I don't think it's weird at all. Do you?

Answer 1

I don't think you should badmouth a spouses family. I don't get along with some of my in-laws and he doesn't get along with some of mine but we avoid c**p talking one another.

I don't have a close relationship with my own mother (not at all) but I'm not at all cool with anyone saying a bad thing about her.

Loyalty is great but are you being equally loyal to your wife (and she to you of course). It sounds like she wasn't all that loyal when she was trying to make you look bad in front of your sister and I'm assuming she's pissed because you weren't loyal when it all backfired on her (although understandably hard after she tried making you look bad). Bottom line. If you're loyal to your family that's great but there's got to be respect and loyalty for your wife (as she IS family too). On the same note.. she's got got be respectful to you and your family too.

Good luck.. extended families are never easy.  

Answer 2

I tear them to pieces and feed them to me clannfear.

Answer 3

Yes, you should stand up for your relatives--but you also need to listen to what's being said and allow for truth.  You can ask people that if they have something to criticize, they can't do it behind that person's back and need to say it to their face so at least they have the chance to defend themselves.  Just backstabbing doesn't do any good at all.  You can also ask the gossipers to please not talk about your family since it really bothers you; they may think what they want, they can do what they want when you're not around to hear it, but if you're there, they need to respect you and not bad mouth your people, just as you refrain from denigrating their relatives.

Answer 4

im with you dude, i can say what i want ,their my family. let someone else do it, nant.... i suspect that if someone disrespected your wife she would want you to stick up for her.