How do you handle it when people out argue you, out assert you , undermine you, out cuss you etc ?

Question

ive suffered a very tough life, always suffered low self esteem , never formed any relationships, never been employed etc.

missed out on everything.

i have borderline personality disorder and ptsd and live in a one bedroom flat on disability.

i was bullied alot and very badly throughout my life.

my goals are of a good paying computer job and to emigrate from the uk, near a coastline are the only things in life that are important to me that drive me forward.

theres times when my confidence is extremely low though, and i struggle to assert myself - put myself accross to people the way id like - express myself etc.

on those days ; i cant be confident , cant assert myself properley , feel easily undermined - cant win arguments - cant cuss properley or end up saying things that make me sound emotional or defensive - like its clear the person has got to me ,

cant think of good retorts.

end up sounding stupid and ineffective, not commanding of authority and confidence like i wanted.

on those days where i cant put what im about accross, cant assert properley , let people undermine me - when people cause me to doubt myself etc. - when i let mind games affect me.

on those days i become enraged and aggressive, like i cant handle people - and i feel the urge to do them some severe damage..

but obviously i dont do that, but its just the way i feel because i know of no ways to psychologically combat these idiots.

i feel they play psychological warfare with me - and im not paranoid this , i know they do it ok ?

how do i deal with this without cracking, getting emotional , withdrawing or feel like i want to do damage to the person or with becoming or feeling extremely aggressive to the point where i wanna take them down ?

id appreciate strategies and help with this

Answer 1

The best way to handle people like that is to NOT bring yourself down to their level. If it is something that doesn't matter in your own life and they are not asking advice on something simply walk away. You don't owe them anything... an explanation is useless and so is arguing. Just chalk them up to one of the people that are unintelligible and argumentative. best of luck to you!

Answer 2

I never give anyone that chance. I don't argue. I state my opinion only once (if at all), and if they don't like it, that is their choice. If someone decides to get aggressive with me, I stand there and smile. This makes them look to everyone else like an attacker.

The best way to "win" an argument is to provide proof. My boss screams and yells, and argues a wrong point all the time. I say nothing except "OK, I'm sorry." Then I come in with hard proof that I did not commit whatever she is accusing me of.

I normally avoid the public in general, and rarely get into any arguments, since I strive to make myself invisible. In the rare occasion it does happen, my comeback is normally something like "You know, you are going to give yourself a stroke behaving like that!"

Or, on those rare but unavoidable days when my rage gets the best of me, I simply put up my middle finger and smile as I say "F*** off." Then I walk away.

Answer 3

It sounds like your BP and PTSD are not being controlled well enough...I don't have personal experience with either disorder, but do know my "compulsive thinking" is controlled with medication and has brought my anxiety down. - Relaxes me enough, that my thinking and actions are more focused.

I really think you need to get back into the Dr's office to discuss your history and see what they recommend to help you along. - When's the last time you've been treated?...Good luck to you.

Answer 4

1st off Rob Dog is extremely insensitive to other peoples trials and tribulations and probably still wets the bed!

Has anyone ever said to you "they're just making fun of you because they're insecure of themselves"?  For the longest time I didn't understand that phrase but what it means is this: people who point the finger at you and get others to laugh at you are doing one thing - misdirection.  THEY have issues of their own and they're afraid that if they don't point the finger at someone else, then it'll be pointed back at them, their weaknesses, and their flaws.  

As far as the wit goes, don't try to be something you're not; you need to be comfortable with yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses before others can be comfortable around you.  I hate confrontation and I used to feel the same way, and I always would think of the world's greatest comebacks AFTER the fact.  

I started writing letters to the people, & never sending them.  WALK AWAY when you feel the need to 'go postal' and sit down and type a scathing letter to them that may or may not ever be sent to them.  In these letters you never intend to send you find the strength to say what you want to that person without loosing your cool.  These types of people WANT you to react so the attention is still focused on you.  

I have a method for walking away from these types of arguments; I simply say to myself, allowing my body and expression to follow suit, 'if they have to yell and scream and demean me, who's the one with the problem here?'

It may seem frustrating at first but I promise you'll feel better about yourself in the end.

Also, if you have the means, PLEASE go get help for your Personality and Post Traumatic stress.  If left untreated it can be dangerous to yourself and others.

Answer 5

I don't think you suffer from a low I.Q.  People who suffer from low I.Q.'s tend to advise others that THEY have a low I.Q.

Confrontation, for quiet, intelligent, individuals is always a losing proposition.  Avoid confrontational individuals, and situations, as much as possible.  Limit your input when near quarrels or disention among individuals or groups.  Just watch and listen.  You'll learn more about what the problem at hand really is.

Change must come in your life, and you can then have more control about whom you get to know, and identify those you wish to associate with.  Let your friends choose you!

The best come-back to a smart remark, is no response at all.  Simply walk away.  Let them laugh...but NEVER allow another person to control your emotions. (women excepted)

The psychological symptoms you mention require maintenance medications.  Social activities are not easy for individuals with these disorders.  You will never be a "party animal", and you will look like an idiot if you try.  You must acquire an alternate method of living your life that fits your sensitive personality.  Identify your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

A quiet, serene setting would help a great deal.  Quiet friends are a great asset.  Don't try to outwit others...it can give a false impression of who you really are.  Just be yourself, and let your life quietly take place.  Try very hard to train yourself for employment that does not require a lot of interaction with "Type A" personalities.  These people drive everybody nuts.

Relax more, and quit trying to control your life, and all the events in it.  Instead, consider how to best react when negative events take place.  Think about how to best respond ahead of time.  Place emphasis on dignity, intelligent response, quiet purpose and intent to resolve the problem at hand.  Anger must not be an option in your solution.  Remember that most individuals in the world are involved in their own crisis, and inherently self-serving.  That can be very frustrating to deal with.  They see only their side of the situation.

We are surrounded by many rude and ignorant people.  But, within your mind, you can choose not to allow them admittance.

Counseling would help a lot.  Perhaps a support group to vent your anger.  Most of all, stay current with your meds and keep in contact with your physician if they aren't controlling the problem at hand.

Peace and love....life is short, sit back and try to enjoy the ride.  Ignore the bumps along the way.

Answer to Lone Cavalier:  There's a lot of pain and anger in your taunts.  I sincerely hope you find peace in your life.

Answer 6

I am amazed, I am reading that 'o' posted a caring answer to you, in his/her view. I feel that it is all your fault, and how you are percieving things, and you and you alone. Nothing is going to change until you do. You want people to like you, but then you blast them and accuse them of condensending to you, when they try...this is a hopeless situation, unless YOU do some serious changing...and face the truth, that it might indeed, be YOU causing most of your own problems now..

Answer 7

i think ur a nice person who no one shuld try to say mean things to cuz you have had to much already. I no cuz i had it to and mean things do not make you get better so to the people saying mean things you shuld try to put urself in someone elses shoos  

Answer 8

It sounds like you have a low IQ, why would you be competing with anyone in a cussing contest?  Why would you compare that with arguing? Why would you have to assert yourself over others, and who the h**l are undermining you? (Unless it's your children.)

Seriously, I think you're just emotional.  You need to grow up and act your age, that's how you deal with it.  You don't have to act immature unless you want to.